Page 115 of Lotus

“What?” It’s a whisper, a question, a desperate denial. I land back on my heels, my skin hot and my stomach sick.

Oliver saw them. That’s why he took him.My God, that’s why…

When my gaze finds its way back to my sister, she is still avoiding my stare, picking at the thread on the bed cover. “Clem…”

“Don’t tell Mom and Dad,” she begs. “Please, Syd, don’t tell anyone.”

“Dammit, why? We need to go to the police.”

“No! He died, and my secret died with him, and I’d prefer to keep it that way. I’ve made peace with it.”

“You deservejustice.”

“There is no justice.”

“Clementine… fuck!” I rise to my feet, tugging my hair from the roots. How did I not know this was happening? How did I not see this stranger lurking around, molesting children? Nothing makes sense.Nothing.When my eyes land on her defeated form, hunched over on the bed, my insides coil. “You should have told me,” I say softly.

Clem releases a sharp laugh. “You were seven-years-old, Sydney.Seven. The last thing I wanted to do was involve you,” she tells me. “Then Oliver disappeared, and you were permanently gutted. There was no way I was going to hand you another burden.”

“What about Mom and Dad? The police?Anyone?”

“I was scared, okay? Jesus, he threatened me. He said he’d hurt my family if I told anyone.”

My throat burns with bile, my teeth clenching.

“I was just a fucking little kid, Sydney. I didn’t … I didn’t even understand what was happening.”

The crack in her voice, the sickening fracture, has my emotions boiling over once again. Clem covers her mouth with a shaking palm, and I find my way back to her, nearly tackling her in a bone-crushing embrace. My sister slips off the edge of the bed and we both collapse to the bedroom floor, arms clutching one another, tears flowing, bodies quaking with grief and anger and impossibility.

We remain wrapped up in each other for what feels like an eternity before we lean back against the bed, hollow and drained. My head drops to her shoulder as we stew in our own cacophony of demons.

“You had a fight with Oliver,” Clem says, breaking our torturous silence. “You blamed me for it.”

I glance at her through a frown. “What?”

She stares straight ahead, unblinking. “When Mom and Dad interrogate us, tell them you had a fight with Oliver. We came upstairs to work it out.”

My eyes burn and water as I shake my head, not understanding her need to hold onto this secret for any longer than she already has. Why doesn’t she want to tell our parents?

Clementine continues. “We’re going to have a nice dinner. We’re going to watchIt’s a Wonderful Lifeby the Christmas tree while Poppy falls asleep in my lap dreaming about fucking sugar plums. We’ll laugh, we’ll sing carols, and we’ll gorge on pecan pie until our bellies ache.” She finally spares me a glance before standing to unsteady feet. “And we’re never going to speak of this again.”

The following day, I’m still a mess of frazzled disbelief when I zombie my way to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. It’s Christmas morning, but it might as well be doomsday.

Alexis greets me with a friendly meow, and the little jingle collar I placed around her neck is the only thing that brings me a semblance of cheer.

While the coffee brews, I skim through my contact list to text Oliver, finding that he just messaged me a few minutes ago.

Oliver:Good morning. It’s me, Oliver.

God, I love this man.

Oliver:I’ve been worried about you, and I could hardly sleep. I’m hopeful we can visit each other today, as the only thing I wish for this Christmas is to hold you in my arms.

He follows up the message with an assortment of Christmas tree emojis and little hearts, along with a blurry photo of Athena wearing a Santa hat. My smile is instant and organic, momentarily washing away the turmoil of yesterday. I didn’t get home until after two A.M. and passed out from exhaustion on the living room couch, forgetting to let Oliver know I got home okay.

I’m spurred into action, typing back a quick reply before heading upstairs to shower and change.

Me:I want the exact same thing this year. Be over soon. xoxo, Syd

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