Page 87 of Lotus

She nods, sipping on her ice water. “It’s my major. The human mind fascinates me, especially after…” A brief pause, accompanied by a wistful look my way. “Especially after my ordeal. My mind was my only weapon in that basement, and it saved my life.”

A poignant grief tugs at me when I think back to the details I read about her case. Tabitha watched the man she loved die right before her eyes as she looked on, helpless, unknowingly pregnant with his child. The thought alone sickens me, causing me to wonder how this woman is so poised and kind. She referred tomeas having grace, but she is the epitome of it. “I very much admire your tenacity and eloquence. Your daughter is lucky to have you as a guidance.”

“That’s sweet of you, Oliver. I hope I can make her proud. Being a single mom is a daily struggle, and I hardly even get out these days on my own. Tonight is a rare treat.”

“I’m honored you’ve chosen to spend it with me.”

Tabitha tucks her chin to her chest with a timid smile, moving her rice pilaf around on her plate. “This is actually my first date since my abduction. It’s been almost two years.”

“Oh, I see.” While it makes sense, I’m still a bit surprised by her claim. Tabitha has such a bright, enchanting aura about her, and her beauty is clearly worn on the insideandout. “I can imagine it hasn’t been an easy transition, given your past. Moving on from a lost love sounds like a horrendous endeavor. Impossible, even.”

God, I can’t envision such a thing. I cannot fathom losing Sydney in that way, much lessat all. The idea has my heart in my throat.

Tabitha seems to drift away for a moment, swept up in her memories, before returning her attention to me with a small nod. “I’ll never fully move on. He’ll always be a part of me and our daughter,” she whispers, twisting a cloth napkin between her fingers. “You don’t ever forget. That ache never goes away. You just…adjust. You adjust to the void and rebuild your life around that missing piece, hoping something will come along one day and distract youjust enough, that your pain abates… even if it’s only for a little while.”

Her words feel like a heavy weight upon my chest, and I’m thinking of Sydney again—thinking about her own words that eclipsed my heart:You have no idea what it was like to be haunted by you for twenty-two years.Did she feel how Tabitha feels? WasIthat void?

I don’t even realize I’ve zoned out when Tabitha’s hand clasps mine on the tabletop, her soft gaze pulling me back to the present. “Who do you love, Oliver?”

“Pardon?”

Tabitha gives my hand a gentle squeeze before releasing me. “That look in your eyes—I recognize it. I stared into eyes like that every single day for weeks.”

Another crushing weight as I swallow back a hard lump. “I care for someone deeply, yes. But I fear she doesn’t feel the same.”

“The neighbor girl?”

A curious nod. “Yes. How did you know?”

“I’m very intuitive,” she grins, taking another bite of food, then adding, “Blue.”

We share a small laugh and I tease, “So, you must have been aware of my brother’s interest in you. He called you a ‘knock-out’.”

“Oh, did he?” The blush that pinkens her cheeks cannot be denied. “I’m very flattered. He seemed nice. Gabe, right?”

“Yes. He’s been an enormous ally to me throughout all of this.”

“It’s important to have people in our corner, rooting for our successes,” she agrees. Tabitha’s head tilts slightly to the right as she finishes chewing her chicken. “And sometimes we need to be our own cheerleaders.”

My eyes case her thoughtful expression. “How so?”

“We need to fight for what’s in our hearts. No one else can do that for us,” she tells me pointedly. “And if there is anything on this earth worth fighting for, it’s love.”

Love.

Warmth spreads through me as Sydney’s face captures my mind and I lose myself in her smile, her laugh, her spunk, her humor, her art, her abominable dance moves. I replay our kisses, bursting with magic and possibilities. I melt at every knock-knock joke, every tender hug, every movie night on her couch with her sprawled across my lap like I am precious to her.

Like Iamhers.

I nearly choke on the flurry of thoughts and emotions as I gaze across the booth at Tabitha. “I’m not sure what to do,” I admit solemnly, fearfully.

Tabitha’s encouraging smile shines back at me. “Be courageous. Be confident. Be bold,” she says, her voice brimming with sincerity as she reaches for my hand once more. “Be red.”

T W E N T Y – O N E

IDRY-HUMPED MY BEST FRIENDon my couch and then I broke his heart.

Not even this entire can of dry shampoo on my head can save me from the dark hole of depression I’ve managed to dive into, headfirst, as I stare at my bedroom wall eating fun-size Snickers bars in anX-Filesonesie. It took all of my effort to pull myself together for work yesterday, and even then, Brant and Rebecca were breathing down my neck, wondering why I looked like my cat croaked.

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