Page 65 of Lotus

Twisting around in my rolling chair, my eyes land on Gabe, who is perched against my doorframe with his arms crossed, a decidedly amused grin on his face. I clear the tickle from my throat. “I’m a bit enamored by her,” I admit, though, the revelation is far from shocking.

On a Saturday evening, roughly one month ago, Gabe had a new woman in his bed. He’s had an assortment of females come and go ever since Sydney’s sister ended their courtship, but this particular female was quite…vocal. The pounding headboard mingled with her boisterous pleasure noises had Gabe apologizing later that night after the mystery woman had departed.

“Sorry, man,” he told me, still buzzed on spirits and inebriated from the marijuana he’d been smoking throughout the evening. “That was probably super awkward. I’m still getting used to not living alone.”

He stood in my doorway, in a similar fashion to the way he is right now, and I squeezed the pencil in my hand, glancing up from my drawings. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. No need to apologize—it’s your home.”

“It’sourhome. I should be more considerate,” he countered with a quick ruffling of his golden hair. “You know… you should, uh, try that sometime.”

I blinked, alarmed by the suggestion. “Sex with a person I hardly know?”

“Well, you can get to know them first.” A foot shuffle, followed by a cough into his arm sleeve. “I can help if you want. I know a lot of single ladies.”

“So it seems.”

“It doesn’t have to be this big thing, Oliver. Maybe you should just rip the Band-Aid off.”

My eyes narrowed as I processed this. “That’s a fairly crass way of describing it.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “But it’s not always like you see in the movies, with the grand love stories and the dramatic musical scores. Sometimes it’s just…fun. I think you need fun.”

“I have fun,” I told him.

“Adistraction.”

Gabe’s eyes flashed with implication, as if he were referring to something specific. I understood then, leaning back in my chair with a sigh. “You think Sydney is distracting me from potential admirers.”

He swallowed, his focus averting to hisSimpsonssocks. “I think you’re going to get hurt if you keep pursuing that particular avenue,” he confirmed in his roundabout way.

My gaze traveled over my stepbrother with his baggy t-shirt and sweatpants, his boyish features and tousled hair. He was a good-looking person who certainly had no trouble with sexual conquests. The proof was in the numerous holes carved into his bedroom wall from that overused headboard.

But the playful spark in his eyes seemed fabricated—a well-crafted veil for everything stored behind the ruse. Gabe was happy-go-lucky, but I didn’t believe he was trulyhappy. The women, the alcohol, the drugs… they were all vices to temper his loneliness.

Therefore, his opinion felt invalid to me.

“I’ll think about it,” I told him, having no real intention of doing so.

It may have been the first lie I ever told.

Gabe looks at me now with that same sprightly stare, teetering on the balls of his feet. He’s dressed casually on this sunny Saturday, preparing for golf with his father. They invited me to come along, but the sport did not appeal to me. Travis encouraged me to watch a few videos of it being played on the YouTube application, but I ended up falling asleep.

“Enamored is a word for it,” Gabe quips with knowing eyes, looking between me and the open window. “Sydney certainly has a way about her.”

This catches my interest as I stand from the chair, pacing to my desk to set the pencil down. “Do you have romantic feelings for her?”

“Fuck, no. Hell… she’s like a sister to me—a discovery I madeafterI had my tongue down her throat, unfortunately.” Gabe physically cringes. “She’s hot, obviously, but we don’t click like that. I’m just saying, I’ve seen far too many guys fall head over heels for that girl, only to get their hearts ripped out when she throws her walls up. She doesn’t mean it, but she’s allergic to relationships.”

“That’s an odd allergy to possess.” I try not to let his words bother me as I busy myself at my workstation, collecting my sketches and placing them into a manilla folder. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not like you. I can’t turn my feelings on and off.”

“That’s because you’re constantly around each other. Maybe take a breather. Do you have friends at the library you can socialize with?”

I pause as I place the folder into my desk drawer. The truth is, I don’t have many friends at my place of work because I keep to myself. Everyone is kind and friendly, attempting to integrate me into their social circles, but I’m still acclimating. I keep my distance. While the environment is quiet and peaceful, and I enjoy the work itself, there are still so many people. So much bustling around, the clacking of keys, children crying, a myriad of whispers.

My schedule is only part time for now, just twenty hours per week, which doesn’t give me an enormous amount of opportunity to make connections, even if I wanted to. And I don’t. “Not really. I’m fairly reserved.”

Gabe purses his lips together, nodding at me. “Yeah, no rush. Just a suggestion.” He taps at his thighs with the pads of his fingers. “You sure you don’t want to go golfing with me and the old man? Get some fresh air?”

My dismissal is quick. “No, thank you. I plan to go for a run and watch the birds shortly. Enjoy your afternoon.”

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