Page 133 of Lotus

“No!” I shriek, my fingernails bending backwards, grains of rope slicing my skin. I keep pulling, tugging, loosening,repeat.

Oliver’s face is stricken with panic, with pure horror, his lower body trying in vain to shove me off of him. “Don’t you dare do this. Don’t youdare.”

Tears crease the corners of his eyes, slipping down flushed cheeks, and a strangled, painful moan of dissolution ruptures through the ring of fire.

We cry together, we plead together, we wish together…

We’ll die together.

“Sydney… I can’t let you do this,” he insists, his body twisting, turning, tirelessly hoping I’ll release my hold and leave him here to die alone.

Not in a million fucking years.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Goddammit, Syd… you have your whole life ahead of you. Fall in love again, have children, create, thrive, laugh,” he implores, a desperate final plea. “Don’t do this. I’mbeggingyou.”

Our sobs intertwine, and I don’t know whose is whose.

I sniffle through the storm of tears, my attempts to loosen his ropes weakening as the smoke inhabits me, making me dizzy. “I’m exactly where I want to be.”

He arches against the bed, his head thrown back in agony. “No, no, no…”

I clasp his face between my palms, already knowing I won’t be able to free him. There’s not enough time, I don’t have the tools, and my mind is spinning, turning to fog. Coughing and sputtering, I lean in, pressing a kiss to his tear-glazed lips. “I love you, Oliver Lynch,” I squeak out, breathing the words of adoration against his mouth and reveling in the way he finally gives in, stops fighting me, and kisses me back.

“I love you, Syd.”

My wish came true, and I don’t care that we only had ten months together—they were the best ten months of my life, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I wished forus… and here we are.

I hold him, I hold him, I justholdhim, while everything around us burns.

There’s no better way to go.

But as soon as I’ve made peace with my end, two strong arms encircle my waist, and at first I think it’s Travis ruining our final, beautiful moment together. I resist, I scream, I cling to Oliver with my thighs around his hips and my nails clawing his shoulders.

“No!”

The arms pull tighter, much too strong for me to withstand, and I’m yanked free from the love of my life. I’m dragged away through the wall of flames, my skin scorching, my arms outstretched and reaching for him, my heart turning to cinders inside that room. I kick and fight and curse and cry at the top of my lungs. “Oliver! No! Let me go!Let me go!”

I sound like a banshee, a madwoman, utterly out of control.

Oliver still struggles on the bed, trying to break free, and I can hardly see him now as tears and smoke blur my eyes and we retreat farther and farther away.

“Fuck you!” I scream, legs flailing, nails scratching. “I hate you! Ihateyou! Let me go!Oliver!” His name comes out as a dozen heartbreaking syllables, my cry echoing as I’m carried down the staircase and through the living room.

“Go, Syd. Get the fuck out of here.”

Gabe.

It’s Gabe.

He shoves me out the front door until I fall backwards, landing on the cement stoop and watching in astoundment as Gabe turns around and heads back inside.

Oh, my God.

Oh, myGod.

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