Page 150 of Aria

Ididknow.

I knew all too well because it had shattered my own heart into a million fractured bits. Despite the wonderful life I had made for myself, my heart would never be the same. Noah would always be a missing piece.

There was no redemption without sacrifice.

Noah was staring at me like he was looking at a ghost. Regret and melancholy shimmered in his eyes beneath the bar lights, causing me to feel frazzled. My thoughts turned muddy. The air felt scarce as the room closed in on me.

It had been so long since I’d seen him look at me like that.

“I – I have to go,” I blurted without thinking.

He gaped at me, incredulous. “Are you serious?”

Yes. No.

I don’t know.

I grabbed my purse and rose from the booth, unable to spare him a final glance. I moved through the bar and pushed open the main doors, nearly choking when the cold air invaded my lungs. Even though I’d grown strong over the years, I knew that Noah was my weak link.

I needed more time.

Walking briskly down the sidewalk, something caught my eye on the right.

An alley.

Thealley.

I stalled in my tracks, backpedaling until I stood facing the opening. It was dark and wet while cars passed by at the opposite end. Gulping, I knew I should walk the other way and leave New York for good, but an invisible pull was dragging me into that alleyway. My feet took on a mind of their own, and I found myself trudging through the gravel and rocks.

Stopping a quarter of the way in, I let the memories spill into every vein, every pore, every crack.

That’s when I felt him.

He was standing behind me, maybe a foot away, silent and waiting.

I turned around to face him.

I needed totrulyface him.

“It was the only way, Noah.” My voice strained, my emotions running high. I wouldn’t hold back this time. I needed to spill my guts to him, and if it had to be in this alleyway, then so be it. “It was the only way you’d let me go.”

Noah stood perfectly still, his body shrouded in shadow. “You’re right,” he said. “I would have fought for you. I would have fought hard.”

“That’s exactly why it had to be like that. I wasn’t healthy—I was broken, lost, and on a road to self-destruction. I needed to get out of New York. I needed to fix myself.”

“And I just fucking neededyou.” Buried anger bubbled to the surface. “I never saw you as broken or damaged. You were perfect in my eyes.”

Noah approached me in the darkness, his features coming into view by the light of a streetlamp. Tears spilled from my eyes as I absorbed his words. I didn’t care if he saw me cry. I needed to feel everything, no matter how ugly it might be.

“I wasn’t perfect,” I croaked out. “But I never went looking for perfection; I went looking for peace. And I found it, Noah. I’m happy and healing. I finally feel like I’ve found my place in the world. I have… purpose.”

“Why couldn’t I have been a part of that peace? That purpose?”

His voice cracked with despair, and I almost buckled under the weight of his words.

“You never even gave us a chance,” he continued. “I could have helped you. We could have gotten through anything together.”

I shook my head adamantly, my fists balled-up at my sides. “You’re wrong… I would have dragged you down with me, and you deserved so much more than that. Sam deserved more.”

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