Page 93 of Still Beating

Lily takes a sip of her chai tea and sets the cup down on the table. “I got some vibes at Mandy’s New Year’s party, but I figured it was just tension bubbling over from everything you guys went through. I never thought…” She fills her cheeks with air and lets it out, then averts her eyes with consideration. “I mean, I guess I can see it. He’s hot as sin and he’s always been weirdly protective of you.”

I frown. “No, he hasn’t. He’s always been an ass.”

“Yeah, but in a cute way.”

“No.”

“Come on, Cora. You guys have always had chemistry. You just acted on it by torturing each other.” Lily shrugs, tapping her nails against the side of her paper cup. “And obviously, circumstances wouldn’t allow for much else.”

My jaw starts to ache from gnashing my teeth together. I look down at my latte, hoping the little design made in foam will reach out and pull me in since the chair was a disappointing failure. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

A sympathetic smile pulls at her lips, and Lily leans forward on her elbows. “Is this the point in our friendship where you come to me with a terrible dilemma and I’m supposed to offer you super sage wisdom and give you all the answers?”

“Yes. Definitely.”

She shrugs. “Well, shit. I’m not prepared at all. I’ve got nothing.”

I groan as my face falls into my hands. “Awesome.”

“It could be worse?” she offers, giving me a triumphant thumbs up.

I peer at her through the cracks in my fingers, shaking my head, and grumble, “No, it can’t. This isliterallyrock bottom.”

“Ooh, so… it’s only up from here.”

“You would make a terrible therapist.”

Lily falls back against her chair with a soft smile, and I know she’s just trying to cheer me up and make a horrible situation lighter.

She crosses her arms over her V-neck sweater and sighs. “You really want my advice?”

“I’m not sure anymore.”

She chuckles, reaching for her tea. “I would go for it, woman. Get the guy, have some hot sex, and forget about everything else.”

“That’s terrible advice,” I say, pursing my lips together with narrowed eyes.

“Yeah, well, that’s why you’re my only friend.”

I gawk at Lily for a moment, then burst out laughing, the sound of it startling me.

Lily winks at me over her cup. “You know it’s true. But for real, Cora, do what makes you happy. You’ve gone through stuff I can’t even imagine and you deserve a little happiness. Dean might not be the smartest choice on paper, but it’syourlife. You can’t tiptoe around your heart in fear of pissing people off or hurting their feelings. Sometimes we need to be a little selfish in order to avoid a life of complacency.”

My fingers curl around my beverage, tightening their grip. “That was a little bit profound.”

“Right? I think I nailed it.” Lily performs a dramatic bow, then smiles over at me. “Also… just between you and me? If roles were reversed, Mandy wouldn’t hesitate.”

This grabs my attention and I jerk my head back up. “What makes you think that?”

“Call it a gut instinct.” Lily flips her braid over her shoulder with a shrug. “Let’s put it this way: did she or did she not sleep with that guy you were crushing on during those few months her and Dean split up?”

I scrunch up my nose. “Benjamin, the attorney? That was different. I was neverwithBen—it was just a crush. Mandy has been with Dean for half her life.”

“I get it,” Lily replies, holding up her hands. “It’s not exactly the same… I’m just saying. She never even considered your feelings and sheknewyou liked the guy. I always thought it was shady.”

I twist the hem of my sweater between my hands. “That was also a long time ago. She’s grown up a lot since then.”

“Okay,” Lily says dismissively. “You’re right. My point is, no one is perfect. Everyone is a little selfish sometimes when it comes to matters of the heart.”

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