Page 60 of Still Beating

My head shoots up and I drop my foot. I’m done with this train wreck. “Cool?” I repeat through clenched teeth, trying to keep my voice calm and collected.

Mandy reaches out to touch my thigh, a gentle warning not to make a scene. I can see Cora’s eyes spearing me with her own warning as she tucks both feet underneath her chair.

Jason cringes at his choice of words. “Sorry, that came out wrong. I was just trying to find a little positive in the negative.”

“There is nothing positive about what happened to us.Nothing,” I bite back. I realize I’m gripping my fork like I’m about to use it as a weapon. I don’t even remember picking it up. I drop the utensil with a clank, then fall back against my chair while everyone goes quiet.

I tap my hand against my thigh and bob my leg, desperate for a cigarette. I haven’t had a smoke since the night of the abduction—I figured I had gone three weeks without it, so there was no point in starting up the habit again. But I’m finding myself easily agitated and low on patience lately, and the nicotine always helped calm me. Maybe I should just start smoking. Hell, I’m already a borderline alcoholic at this point… what’s another vice to add into the mix? I decide to pick up a few packs after this shitty double date, and in the meantime, I’ll just try to get drunk.

The night goes on painfully slow with Jason asking dumb ass questions, Cora playing with her food, and Mandy trying to seduce me with coy winks and thigh grabs. I sling back five beers over the next hour, grateful when I finally feel the telltale buzz creep in.

Jason and Cora are talking about some book I’ve never heard of, and Cora looks into it. She’s relaxed and engaged, laughing at something he says with a genuine smile. At one point, Jason wraps his arm around her shoulder and leans in to kiss her on the cheek.

“You’re such a sweetheart,” I hear him whisper against her ear.

It takes all of my lingering willpower to keep my ass in my seat and refrain from lunging across the table to throttle him.

Jason announces he needs to use the restroom a moment later and ventures away from our table. Mandy immediately perks up.

“Oh, my God, sis. He loves you,” she beams, reaching over to squeeze Cora’s hands in hers. “What do you think?”

I don’t miss the way she glances at me before replying. “He’s nice. I think there’s potential.”

“He seems like a douche,” I mutter under my breath in between chugging down my sixth beer.

Cora jerks her head towards me. “Why? He’s been a total gentleman.”

“It’s obvious he just wants to screw the damaged local celebrity.”

I regret the words instantly, closing my eyes and waiting for the well-deserved comeback. But all I feel is Mandy ramming her elbow into my ribs. I wince. When I open my eyes, Cora is simply staring at me, wounded and teary-eyed.Fuck.

“Is that what you think of me, Dean?” She swallows, her hands trembling. She hides them in her lap. “You think I’m damaged, and men only want me for one thing?”

I try to backpedal. “No. Shit, I’m just… feeling drunk and out of my head right now, and I don’t like Jason. I just meant thatheprobably sees you like that.”

“Because I have no other redeeming qualities...”

There is still no anger, no bitterness, no animosity in her words. Only pain.

Which is so much fucking worse.

I can’t say what I want to say with Mandy sitting next to me, watching the scene unfold with questioning eyes, and I sure as hell can’t stand to see that look on Cora’s face for a second longer, so I push myself from the table and rise to my feet. I storm away, not looking back, and head towards the bathrooms. Jason is exiting as soon as I’m about to enter. He pauses, looking somewhat rattled by my presence.

I hadn’t planned on starting anything, but fuck it. “Just stay away from her, okay?” I get in his face, watching a frown crease his brow. “She’s been through too much. She doesn’t need you fucking her all up again.”

Jason swings his head back and forth, folding his arms defensively. “You’ve got balls trying to cock block me from a woman you’re clearly in love with, while your fiancé—her goddamnsister—sits right next to you.”

What the hell? I almost choke on his words. They send me into a frenzy and I feel myself spiraling, so I snatch his t-shirt between my fists and spin him around, slamming him up against the opposite wall. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“It’s clear as day, asshole, and I want no part of it.” Jason shoves me away, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt. “You can have her.”

I try to get my tapered breaths under control and reply, “I’m not in love with her. You’re delusional.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Jason slaps my shoulder, then runs a hand through his dirty blonde hair and turns away, mumbling under his breath, “Fucking dick.”

I watch him leave, my blood boiling, and notice Cora standing there at the end of the hallway, clutching her purse strap in a firm fist. Her eyes dart between us, looking upset. Confused.

I’m a few feet away, but I hear Jason mutter before he breezes out the front door, “Sorry, but I’m not up for a competition. Take care of yourself, Cora.”

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