I know; I’m a brat.
I also don’t own clothing and accessories that one could sell to pay off the debt of a third world country—he does.
“Indigestion, plus Talia had an irritating visit with the blogger. She’s feeling weird, and it’s bleeding in a little.”
I arch a brow. “Irritating how?”
“They have invited her to their house for the weekend. I figured that she’d gotten horizontal with him much sooner than intended when she called from somewhere NOT our home before the church fiasco. It’s not appealing to think about THAT, but she’s been having a decent time with him. As much as I loathe that little toad he lives with, I want my woman to be happy. Hell knows I am.”
He gives me a toothy grin, then shakes his head.
I nod, understanding the Catch-22, as my mate and I have been there. I hate Hex’s girl’s family, we’re not fond of our own mates, and I worry about Philomena’s boys functioning as gossip diggers.
“Right. I think you might have been right about ‘ye old English’ jumping the gun on how fast things will go based on what Talia’s lines are. Some discussion set her teeth on edge. I know everyone else in this little ‘berg is all into ‘the free loving families’ thing, but that’s not how we work. The gnome should know that by now, and Wilde suggested otherwise.”
Blinking, I start an internal countdown to curb my temper. Now that I have a good working relationship with the Beast, my bloody magick goes off the rails when I get emotional. With him already in this mood, it won’t help anything if I go crazy and zap us to Mars or something. “Otherwise?”
“He suggested Talia should steal me back if she’s feeling lonely. It made me wonder if it was his way of trying to get you alone, despite your conversation today. It also made her wonder if his courtship of her “was less about her and more about evening the score with you.”
Hell yes, it is. I bloodytoldhim I worry about that. That’s what Sari and Wildedo. Jesus Christ, no one ever, ever fucking listens to me. I should not have to present a full-blown case to the judge and jury to get people to realize that I dislike saying bad things about people I care about and when I do, there’s fucking reason.
“Uh- huh. What else?” There’salwaysa ‘what else’ with them, you see.
“Evelyn. Evie.” His eyes narrow and his glare falls on me.
That son of a bitch! “Itoldhim that naming the baby was between you and me and we were not taking suggestions, regardless of who makes them. Thatjackass.” I jump off the bed, stalking to the bar. I’m filled with anger and energy thatsizzles over my skin. Therefore I didn’t want her near them. They can’t stop themselves and they don’t want to. They have to ruin everything for everyone.
He watches me, head tilted. “Talia told her she knew about the gnome saying that you’re neutering me. I don’t think she quite gets that being nice for the sake of you, and now for Talia isn’t being neutered; it’s being respectful of those you love.”
Snorting, I shake my head as I stare into the glass of scotch. “She most definitely does not.”
“According to her, there’s a passel of people you’re not given dues to because of me.”
His expression is melancholy, and I growl low into the glass again, glad that I’d worked out a spell that helps me protect the baby but allows me to take the edge off. It’s not a pleasant process, mind you, and a little gross on the back end, so I won’t go into detail. However, it works, and she is safe. Don’t worry for a second, yeah?
“We don’t work on the ‘family love’ concept and everyone else does. It feels like we’re ruining everything and it might have been better for us not to even have come along.”
I cross over the bed, bend down, and cup his face. “Don’t say that. It’s not true, and I don’t care if anyone else agrees with me. They can all go fuck themselves. I haven’t been this happy in a long time and they can chew on that fat because they fed it to me.”
He sighs. “See, we have casual playtime with no problem. I could have done Tamara or Blondie—no big deal. It would have been interesting, and that’s it. Then you came along, all prickly and stompy with that milk dud heart…”
He’s not listening to me. Whatever Sari has said to Talia is messing with his head. I don’t know how to fix it and it’s making me panic, but I promised I’d do better about the freak outs, so here I am. I drawl, looking into the glass as I walk to the baywindow. “I like our home. I enjoy having you to myself and I enjoy being here with you. It’s often the only place I want to be.”
“What are you saying, baby?” he asks.
“I think Sari knows that. Look at the seeds she’s planting. This bloody bullshit is why I hate being around those two.”
“I have to be honest. If you’re saying that you prefer being exclusive with me, even knowing that it might not always be possible for you, and even after the baby you’d still want that from me, despite the fact that you might not honor it yourself, I need to know. It’s going to decide some things for me.”
“I have been sort of exclusive with you. I like it, but I can’t leave people I love and hurt them. Not after Rhea. I won’t be her. I’ve been choosing you over Sari’s family for a while now.”
That part is true. I’ve been with him so much that I haven’t been around many others unless I have to, and with all the turmoil in the community, I haven’t had the time to give much to anyone else. It’s part of the reason this bullshit with Sari is coming up. My guess is that she’s raising the flag for Constantine and Shea, too.
“Regardless of what you don’t think you should ask from me, or wouldn’t deny me, tell me the truth. Do you want me to be only yours? Outside of my primary.”
I look down at my hands, warring with my heart, my ethics, and my internal gauge of what’s right and fair, I whisper, “Yeah, I do. I want to rip people limb from limb when I think about them touching you. I feel awful saying it because I can’t guarantee that myself. It’s not fair to ask you to give what I can’t reciprocate. I feel guilty even thinking about it.” I run my hand over my chest, a little green at the gills from saying it out loud.
“Sod it, Deli! I’m not asking about fairness; I’m asking what you bloody well feel; I want you all to myself. I want to be a greedy, possessive, stingy wench about it. I don’t knowwhybecause I’veneverwanted to kill someone so much as I want to kill Tamara when you showed me those texts. But there it is.”