Page 41 of Peacock Me Like a Hurricane

“My emotions—crazy and raw as they are—shut me down completely. I felt that you lied to me and my mind jumped to the conclusion that you did it on purpose. I thought you were lying by omission. It made me feel angry, betrayed, and foolish.”

The blanket shivers and I wonder how she’s breathing when she’s wrapped up like a mummy, looking silent and submissive. I can’t bloody figure it out; her note said that she was sorry. Why the hell is she sitting here like a dog on a training course? It’s as if there’s a trigger word that I haven’t said, and she doesn’t know what to do until I say it.

“Mating is such a statement of commitment to me that I can’t imagine someone ‘forgetting’ their mating bond. I wonder if one day I’ll get lied about. I also want to admit—not that it leaves me looking pleasant as an individual—that I don’t understand mating with people if you’re not going to honor that bond.”

She knew that I wouldn’t—that was the gist of that note she left. However, I don’t know how we’re ever going to get anywhere if she stays curled in that small, tight blanket with nary a word, not even to curse me for being a jackass.

“I wish I’d never...” I look at her and see a tear run from the corner of her eye down to the material, but she still doesn’t move or speak. It breaks my heart, but I have to say what I feel. “No, I won’t say that. I feel very foolish and out of touch.”

Her lashes flutter downward. Though I blocked her for hours while I went on a tear of epic proportions that I’m going to pay for later, I know that she’s got herself bottled up emotionally. Her expression is one of so much shame, regret, and sadnessthat I don’t know if words could tell me more than what this small section of her face is saying.

“Sometimes, I wish I’d never come back. It’s not your fault, but I may have overestimated myself. I’m having a hard time with that.” I lower myself into the chair next to hers, wincing at the lacerations and punctures all over my body. I did a number to myself tonight. “I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have had to hear it like that.”

Again, I get the shamed look and downcast eyes. I don’t think I can bear it anymore. I feel like I’m kicking an injured animal over and over and it keeps looking at me, pleading with me to stop the pain. “Woman, we won’t get anywhere if you sit there like a lump all night!”

She ducks further into the blanket, only her eyes visible now as she watches me suspiciously. What the hell does she think is going to happen? It’s like she’s afraid to even look at me now. “Deli, you’re going to have to come out of there. I’d come over there, but I’m having trouble.” Her eyes widen and I see the shiver again.

It makes me angry; I’m the one who was wronged and she’s hiding.

“Speak, woman!” I growl as my temper flares.

Flinching, she drops the material to reveal her mouth. Sucking in a breath, she unleashes a stream of words. “This is going to sound awful and I know it won’t make any sense to you. I forgot about her. It’s happened before, more than once, and even she’s forgotten. It’s not an excuse, but you have to understand how our mating happened and why it’s like this. I wasn’t trying to hide it; I have no reason to. You could ask her, but it probably was mentioned on purpose. There was a time when I was mated to Wilde and Alistair; Rafe was mated to Rhea, Sari, Wilde, and Alistair. Remember when Rhea and Sari went to that convention with Talia in late November?”

I nod, letting her go because there’s no stopping her now.

“Somehow, right before that, someone thought of families mating—like as a foursome. Rafe and I were going to do so with Rhea and Alistair. Sari got wind, and before we could, she and Wilde's family mated with them while they were on that trip. They didn’t even tell us beforehand—we found out about it in a blog post. Rafe and I were really hurt. We were angry and stupid, which allowed Sari to talk us into mating with her and Wilde as a family. They got everything they wanted— which I didn’t see then, but I see it now. It was a one-time, one shot deal with the entire family. She never looked at me again afterward. It hurt me to realize that I was just extra baggage. This is all my fault for dragging you back to this quagmire of idiocy, selfishness, and bullshit. I did that and I’m sorry. I can’t change that I left out that one night that was so long ago now, it feels like it didn’t even happen. I can only apologize and give you what I know to be the truth. I know I didn’t have to, but I did.”

It’s like I turned on the faucet. She keeps talking and apologizing and babbling.

What the bloody hell is wrong with her?

I look at my stiff, blood caked hands and sigh. “Why did she tell me? I can’t figure that out. If it was such an oft forgotten thing, why did she mention it and when it totally slipped past me, have Wilde mention it again? Was she trying to smack me?”

“Probably. She doesn’t bring it up—ever. It’s like it didn’t happen. Sari hasn’t looked my way for anything other than friendly stuff since. She also mated as a family with Rhea and I don’t know what went on there. I didn’t— Rafe and I never did the whole she-bang with those two. Sari wanted to do a three family thing, but Rafe and I refused. They were crazy enough as it was.”

It’s like she’s not even taking time to breathe. She’s spouting words and words, trying to get every plausible answer in before something happens.

I really don’t understand what’s going on with her, but it’s starting to scare me.

“I was honest with her about my feelings and it felt like salt in the wound.” I think about that for a moment and wonder if I was played like a Stradivarius. I look down at the absolute wreck I am and think about what’s going to happen Monday morning when Mikhail gets wind of this.

“I’d offer to help with the wounds, but I doubt you’d want me to. The offer is still there. I—I don’t want to lose you. I said I’d fight for you and I meant it. I’ve been sitting here, staring into the night, waiting. I haven’t talked with anyone or gone anywhere, but I hurt if you hurt. I don’t know why they mentioned it.” She shrinks back into the blanket again, her eyes looking concerned. They are blood red from tears, but she’s not crying. It’s like she’s holding them in and it’s burning her eyes to do so.

I keep having to stop the flow of her talking. While she’s a chatty kitty, something is off about this situation. “I’ll ask Sari when I apologize. It was clear she thought that I wouldn’t know, though.”

“I have no idea. Like I said, nothing’s been said for months and months. It didn’t even come up about her and the others until the mess with Rhea, so maybe that’s what stuck it in her head? I don’t know. I can’t figure out why it’d come up now.”

“I couldn’t breathe because I hurt so bad. After you left, I went out and killed people—a lot of them.”

She doesn’t babble for once when she says, “I know; I felt it.”

I don’t have any idea how that is possible. I had her and the golden goddess in the no-fly zone. “I broke several cardinal Company rules.”

Her expression is serious despite still being wrapped in that ridiculous getup. “Are you in trouble?”

“Not currently, but when the Company finds out, I might be. No—scratch that. They always find out and I’ll be in a mess of trouble.”

“Can I do anything? I can tell them how it was all my fault. That should help, right? I’ll take the punishment. It’s okay; I can do it. It’s my fault, anyway.”

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