Page 35 of Peacock Me Like a Hurricane

I notice he doesn’t say brother, and I wonder if that’s too painful to admit. “Yes. I love you. I don’t fall for people as easily as it seems—not like I did you—and once I do, that’s it. I fight until there’s nothing left to fight for. Apparently, even then I put up my dukes from the ground.”

“It means a lot to hear you say that.” He wipes his face and sighs. “But you hurt me, too, Deli. Why didn't you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” I frown.

“Why didn’t you tell me how bad you were hurting? Or about the email last night? You could have texted me.”

“We had a good day yesterday. The email plan came to me last minute and you’d gone home. I figured I would tell you in person because that felt like the right thing to do. I should have known she’d try to zing me from the background.”

“It feels like things that happened were lies if you hurt that badly inside and I didn’t know.”

“Baby, I loved every second with you. You’ve been the bright spot in my day for quite a while now.”

“I felt like a truck had broadsided me. You were hurting over them yesterday and maybe other times, too. In my mind, that means that what we had wasn't real because you were struggling, and I didn't know.”

“I can understand why you'd feel that way and I'm deeply sorry. For me, being here is... separate. When I come here, everything else fades away. Maybe that's a lame excuse, but it’s what I feel.”

He’s quiet, as if he’s thinking about it, then he nods. “You're right. I see how it would fade away in our home.”

I manage a shaky smile, hearing him call this place ‘our home’ hitting me right in the feels. Sniffling, I duck my head as I wipe my eyes. My emotions are rising and falling like a rollercoaster and it’s making me leak.

“What’s wrong?”

“You called it our home. It went right here,” I pat my chest, feeling like a silly girl.

“I've thought of this place as our home for a while. We've been building it little by little as we get more comfortable with each other. That's how it went in my head, at least.” He flushes and shrugs.

I lay my hand on his leg again though I want to be in his arms. I wait for him to move it, but he opens his arms. Crawling into them as fast as I can, I finally feel my muscles unlock. We stay wrapped around each other quietly for a few moments, each working out our pain silently.

“It’s okay, baby. Everything is going to be okay.” He strokes my back soothingly. “But I think I need to say a few things, love.”

The tension comes back and I sit perfectly still. “I’m listening.”

“I can't handle you keeping things from me. It hurts me—more than finding out would, actually.”

“I understand,” I say carefully.

“I need to know that you'll let me in. Because if you've been hurting and you keep it from me, it's—well, it's not good.”

“I thought I was okay with it— I did. I don't know what triggered my need to give it one more try. I wrote the stupid email and sent it. Truthfully, I felt much better having done it.”

“I was remarkably close to bolting. I don't want to feel that again.”

“I felt that. When you said you might go, I realized that while I was upset about losing Alistair, losing you terrified me. It shocked me how afraid I was of losing you.”

“That being said, I want you to know that this is our home. If things get bad, I won't leave. If I need to escape, I'll stay here and disappear from everywhere else. We’ll keep the outside out until I feel better.”

“I like that. I’ll hide here, too, if need be.”

“We’re okay, then?”

“With me, we are. You?”

“You're still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I love you with everything in me.” He wipes a tear off my cheek, and I smile.

“I love you, too. At least I didn’t snot on your shirt.”

His eyes widen in horror as he looks over every inch of the borrowed shirt I’m wearing. “That's it, hussy, no more wearing my shirts!”

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