Page 10 of Peacock Me Like a Hurricane

If he’s surprised at the arctic chill in my tone, he doesn’t show it. He drops his head and exhales, as if he has to carefully select what he’s going to say. “That’s not true, is it? When I’m here, that’s how it feels and I’m fine. But others intrude, the truth comes home with a kick and a slice.”

The beast rumbles inside of me, Her need to protect flaring as my pulse speeds up. Anger, pain, and fear are making my survival instincts kick into gear. My skin feels hot and my veins throb, but I keep pushing the emotions down so that he won’t have the satisfaction of knowing what his words are doing to me.

My voice is flat and emotionless as I reply, “If it makes you feel better, I haven’t bled anyone since the feather.”

“Oh, baby,” he sighs and I shoot daggers at the side of his head as he looks at the floor. He doesn’t get to call me that when he’s ripping me to shreds. “Yes, that makes me feel better, but also so much worse. I know there will be a day when you won’t be able to say that, and I’m not talking about Rafe.”

I don’t react. I don’t even flinch when he gets up and walks over to run his fingers over my jaw.

“I’m raw. This is all new—the drinking and the claiming. It makes me a thousand times more possessive than normal. At least, I hope that’s what it is.”

“Yeah,” I say, not moving a muscle as he stands there looking at me.

“You are still listening to me rip the heart out of my chest, right?”

My eyes flick up to him, the rage in them cloaked behind nonchalance. I refuse to let him know that I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do when he finishes breaking my heart after this. Because I know as surely as the sun will rise, I’ll be getting a heartfelt kiss off when we next meet.“Yes. I’m processing.”

“Maybe I should leave you to it. I’ve got to get out of here, anyway,” he says, his voice sad.

I can’t stop him. I can’t be the one to reach out; it hurts too much. “Okay.”

He closes the distance between us long enough to press a kiss to my forehead before turning around and walking towards the door. “I’ll miss you,” he mumbles.

Watching him go, I wait until he’s gone before I murmur to myself, “I’ll miss you, too.”

Goddess above, I am so fucked.

The Cat and The Bird Mend Bridges

DELILAH

Isigh, not able to focus on my Book of Shadows and the notes I’m making for the Beltane ritual. I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything all day.

Truthfully, I haven’t been able to focus since the fight.

Taurus has been gone for almost a week. Why hasn’t he called? Is he ever coming back? The uncertainty is killing me, and I don’t know what to do.

I refused to talk about it when I got home that night and since then, I’ve flat out ditched everyone. I made it clear I wanted no one from outside of our family in our house. Hell, I didn’t even take messages. I’m still pissed at Sari over the Zoo thing, Rhea’s being shunned, and I have no patience for anyone else.

He’s gone and I can’t seem to function.

This week I’ve tried to distract myself by reading, working on Beltane, updating my blog, organizing my closet… All I’ve managed to accomplish so far is brooding. One by one, the boys come up to check in, offering food and drinks and treats, but nothing has appealed to me. I haven’t been able to do anything but sit here, thinking about all of the losses I’ve suffered in the past six months.

I’m too emotional to even think about food, work, or sleep.

“Oi, woman.” Rafe peeps his head in and I try to smile for him.

“I can’t focus. Do you have days like that in your studio?”

He bobs his head, braid swinging at his waist as he does so. “I do, especially recently.”

The same night that I was getting my heart pulverized by Taurus, Rafe was destroying his own. He told Rhea and Alistair to get help or get lost. The constant lies and affronts to her mates in the name of bedding Taurus caught up to her. He gave them the boot, told the members of our house, added locks to our doors, cleaned out their things and shipped them, and locked himself in his studio.

He did it for both of us, but he’s taking the hit for it emotionally.

My primary is the only person I’ve spent any length of time with since Taurus left. Rafe begged to come up the next morning and I let him because I could feel the pain that was a twin to mine. My original mate sat here with me, explaining how he lost his temper and ended it when they showed up and tried to pretend nothing had happened.

I thought I’d be more upset about losing Alistair, but there were too many things that that clone allowed to happen despite it being hurtful. He may not have condoned Rhea’s behavior towards her mates, but he enabled it. I was surprised to find that the pain of Taurus’ betrayal hurt far worse.

---