Page 28 of Peacock Me Like a Hurricane

I knock harder, raising my voice. “Deli, love, either open up or I’m coming in. Come on, you’re scaring me. I can’t feel you in my head.” She doesn’t respond again, and I pound on the panel. “You’ve got to the count of five, mate, or I’ll come in, door be damned.”

The count reaches three when she murmurs,~Come in. ~

The locks undo without so much as a touch from her and I blink. She wasn’t kidding about magick. I humored her when she was talking about a ritual. She said that she didn’t talk about the real aspects of her power with others for fear of being the ‘in’ thing, but I figured that was a cover. This community she loves is chock full of hangers on and sycophants and crazies who suck the life out of her like a damned vampire. She never minded it before. I assumed that was because she was conning herself, like a fake psychic. That, however, is a topic for another time.

I push through the door and move to the shower. “Baby?”

My mate looks over the tops of her kneecaps, bloodshot eyes peering at me as she huddles in the corner. Her skin is bright red from the heat and her voice is hoarse. “Yes?”

It makes my sodding heart shatter to see her. “Oh, love. What are you doing to yourself?” I reach out and turn off the water, shucking my bathrobe as I bend to drape it around her. “You can curse me for the knuckle dragging later—or stake me for all I care, but you’re bloody well coming out of there.”

She doesn’t fight me, so I pick her up, bundled in my robe as I head out to the bed. Sitting her down gently, I dry her off and hold one of her hands as I look into her eyes. “Talk to me, baby. Please?”

Her words are muffled in the robe as her shoulders shrug . “I always take hot showers.” She looks up and I feel the struggle inside of her. She’s trying not to let everything out, but tears well up and she loses control. “What should I talk about?”

I look at her as if she’s started speaking Japanese. “How about what made you hightail it in there? Maybe about what made you take a shower so hot it almost cooked you as soup? I know! How about what made you shut me out completely? Yeah, those are the whats you should talk about.”

She waves at the door like it’s nothing, fighting her pain. “The shower was fine.”

Scoffing, I give her a look that says I’m not buying that bridge. “Try again.”

Huffing, her eyes fixate on her cute little toes for a moment before she gives in. Her response is hissed, venom lacing her tone. “Rhea just ripped my goddamn heart out and threw it into the dumpster. She never, never cared about me or Rafe. It was all about her from start to finish—what we could do for her ego. She started with us because she was mad at Sari. When I get upset about being used, she jumps to the next thing without a bloody thought. It’s only about what makes her feel good—like we’re whores. I locked myself in the shower before I did something destructive. I can move from rage to hurt if I focus on other things. It wasn’t about you, baby. I only shut you outbecause I didn’t have the energy to leave any holes open. It would have all busted out.”

Gesturing around her as if I should see something tangible, she gives me a pleading look. “Can you feel this?” I look around, trying to figure out what she’s talking about. “I do. It’s like a force field in the air. I needed to keep it in long enough to calm down. This happens all the time—whether I’m upset, happy or angry— any emotion. This gigantic ball of energy surrounds me. It can amaze you or, um, it can be awful. I think it’s because I don’t let my magick out like it wants to be. It’s gotten stronger in the Rift, and I don’t use it enough. I try to burn it off, but that doesn’t get it done anymore.”

I look at her seriously. “Blast me.”

“NO! I don’t want to blast you. There’s no blast left.”

“You don’t have to hold it in, afraid you’re going to blow. Not with me, baby—never with me. I won’t incinerate, this place can get fixed, and there’s nothing you can do that would destroy it. Let it all out, but don’t you ever terrify me like that again.”

Her face crumples and I feel her panic. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Her shoulders shake and she puts a fist against her mouth, holding in sobs.

I wrap my arms around her, holding her close. “Shh, baby, it’s okay. It’s okay, love. Everything’s going to be alright.”

Arms tighten around me, holding on as if I’m the only thing grounding her, and she shakes her head. “It’s not okay. She hurt me, she made me shut you out, and worst of all, she made me act insane.”

“Baby, everything’s going to be fine, I promise. I know she hurt you. It’s okay to feel hurt, but you’re not acting insane. You’re acting like a person who was hurt badly by someone she cared for.” I rock her, hoping her broken parts can be soothed. Maybe now she can finally let go of my brother and his mate because whatever they had is never coming back. This kind ofpain is ‘goodbye’ pain. “Shh, baby. I love you. Everything’s going to be alright. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“I tried so hard not to be angsty and insane about this.” She sounds upset with herself, like she’s scolding herself for not being able to control her emotions. Curling around me, she makes herself as small as possible in my arms.

Anger wells up inside me at that. I don’t understand why she thought she had to do this alone. “Then shame on you, baby, for thinking you needed to keep all this inside you. What am I, eye candy? Unless I missed a repudiation ceremony, I’m your mate, sod it all. When you hurt, I hurt for you. I can’t make it all go away, but I can listen and be here for you. Let me do that, please.”

“Hearing what just happened hit me like a baseball bat. I’m very, very hurt and raw. I needed space and a chance to assimilate in my head. I have to come to grips with the fact that she’s been using us all along. That’s hard to swallow.”

“It is.”

“It breaks my heart. Normally people don’t get in as easily as you. It took her months to get trust, but it was all a lie. Ten to one, she’d lie to my face about what she did tonight if I asked her tomorrow.”

My eyes narrow and I snarl. “Let her.”

“I don’t want to see her face again to ask.”

“I started it by going there in a towel, baby. But I didn’t know it would hurt you like this.”

“She wants a fix; it doesn’t matter who it is.” She leans up and kisses my jaw lightly. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

I finally feel like I can breathe and the ball of terror around my heart melts. “Understatement, thy name is Kitty.”

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