Page 84 of Resurrection

She nods against my chest.

With a sigh, I draw her tight against me. “I’ll be a shit dad, Carys. But if you want me, I’ll do my damnedest.”

“Really?”

I don’t want to go in circles, and the complete truth about where my head is at isn’t helpful. Did I want to be a dad? Not really. Will I walk away from her because she has a kid? Not a fucking chance.

Right now, I need to understand where her mind is at so I can figure out what I can do, what I should do to make that happen. “Logistics aside, what would you want from this situation if you could have it?”

Silence hangs in the room for a moment. “I’d have you. I’d get custody of this baby from Eric. We’d move to Cape Verde and set up a low-risk venture and raise him together. When I think of myself five years from now, that’s what I want. You. Me. Lucas. On an island. Unbelievably happy.”

My heart squeezes in my chest. Her idea is so vivid I can almost close my eyes and put myself there, insert myself in her version of our life.

But in what world can that future happen? Eric was confident in her hotel room this maneuver would draw her back to him.She won’t leave her child. He won’t give up the child, his leverage, without a fight.

“That sounds perfect,” I murmur into the top of her head. It does. Will the image of what might have been have to sustain me while I watch her live her life from afar? What might have been… What could have been… If only…

Because if they force her to make a choice. Well, for her, there’s no choice at all.

Galina looks like a woman who gave birth two days ago. Darkness sits under her eyes from a lack of sleep, and her brown hair lies limp around her shoulders. Her middle is still expanded, as though there might be another baby in there.

Christ.I hope there’s not another fucking baby in there.

“Breastfeeding is hard work,” she says to Carys once we’ve introduced ourselves.

“I’m sure,” Carys murmurs and focuses on her purse.

Last night, while lying in bed, I selected a DNA testing facility which guaranteed same-day results. We’re waiting for the cars to be ready to get us there. Eric and Charles aren’t getting near the scientific process. The facility agreed I can guard the DNA throughout the day. Only cost a few grand. Seems cheap for our peace of mind.

Carys threw up in the bathroom this morning. The sight of her makes my chest ache. The natural confidence radiating out of her is weighed down by today’s outcome. Either result has grave consequences.

She told me she doesn’t want to hold the baby again until she knows for sure he’s hers.

As though reading my mind, Galina says, “Carys, I’m sorry. You must want to hold him.”

Carys looks up, startled, and before she can say anything, I step in. “I’ll take him,” I say.

Galina frowns. “Eric said you weren’t to hold Lucas.”

Without meeting Galina’s gaze, Carys says, “He’s my baby too. I say he can.”

Aw. Shit. I don’t want to hold him. The number of babies I’ve held in my life could be counted on two fingers. Galina shifts her grip and passes him to me. I hold out my hands and catch Carys watching me out of the corner of her eye. The smallest smile floats across her face. She’s got to be laughing on the inside at how fucking awkward I am right now.

He’s so tiny sitting in the crook of my arm, a swell of protectiveness runs through me. To think part of Carys might have become this tiny little man makes my heart pound. The baby yawns, and I glance at her. She’s watching me and him with so much longing I regret saying I’d hold him. I was trying to make this morning easier, and now I’m worried I’ve made her day so much harder.

“I wish—” she says.

“I know.” The pain in those two words is enough.

She nods and turns away.

Footsteps echo through the rear of the house, and I juggle the baby trying to give him to Galina before Eric can show up. Carys doesn’t need a fight on top of everything else. My temper is lit, ready to explode. If he says the wrong thing to her, I’m likely to snap his neck. I still might get the pleasure if Eric has lied about this baby’s parentage.

“All set?” Charles comes through the living room and into the entryway.

“You don’t need to come,” Carys says, half turning toward him.

“Nonsense. Eric and I are coming to celebrate. My first and probably only grandchild.”

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