Page 87 of Resurrection

We sit in silence. What’s he thinking? My mind feels like a bomb went off, and I keep searching the fragments of my life for what will make me happy. The pieces don’t fit together anymore. Nothing makes sense.

“What are you going to tell Finn?”

“Fuck if I know.” I throw up my hands.

He chuckles. “You sound like him.”

“This is a nightmare. A baby shouldn’t feel like a nightmare.” My voice wavers. “If Lucas is my baby, I should be happy.”

He crouches across the hall from me. A few tears trickle down my face, and I wipe them away. He touches my shoulder, and I glance up.

“Finn won’t let you go without a fight.”

“I know.” My voice catches. “My greatest fear and my biggest hope.”

My phone pings, and Jay’s sounds at almost the same time. He removes his from his pocket before I can retrieve mine from my purse.

“Finn’s in the lobby.”

“Tell him to come here. I’d prefer not to do this in front of Eric—whatever way the results go.”

Within moments, Finn is framed at the end of the hallway. His hands are stuffed into his pockets, but I can’t read him. Is Lucas mine, or is he someone else’s?

I rise from my spot against the wall, but I need to keep leaning on it. Hope and fear wash over me in alternating waves. Which way do I want it to go? I want both and neither. Nothing and everything.

Finn stops in front of me, and his pale-blue eyes scan me. “He’s yours.”

A cry escapes me. Anger or relief? I grab Finn, hugging him, burying my face into his chest. His hands ease out of his pockets at a glacial pace and circle around me.

“Now what the fuck do we do?” Jay asks from behind me.

The whole day has been a blur, from Eric’s pompous expression when I admitted Lucas was mine, to Galina taking me through the steps to care for him, to the distance Finn has put between us.

Or maybe I’m imagining his aloofness. Maybe I’m the person putting the space there. My world has tilted on its axis, and I can’t shift reality back, make it level again.

The thing I do know? I’m exhausted. Emotionally and physically drained. When Lucas goes to bed for the night, or however many hours before he needs to feed again, I head to bed. Finn trails behind me, his hands in his pockets.

Eric tries to catch my attention, but I’ve been ignoring him all day. I don’t give a shit if Lucas is biologically his baby too. Ever being with him in any way makes my stomach heave like I’m on a boat tossed around by the sea.

Finn closes the door to the bedroom and then leans back against it. “You look tired,” he says before pushing off and ambling toward me. He tosses his wallet and other odds and ends on the nightstand.

“Did you want to talk?” I ask.

Finn’s gaze searches mine. “About what? He probably wants me out of your life. I’m not fucking going.” He hesitates andfocuses on a spot above my head. “Unless that’s what you need. Then I’ll do it.” His hand grazes my arm.

“Did Jay tell you?”

He chuckles and makes eye contact again. “He gave me theCliffsNotesversion of your conversation with Eric.”

“So you know.”

“He won’t let you raise Lucas if you stay with me? Yeah.”

“How do I get around his ultimatum? He’s spent months locking me in without me even realizing it.”

He presses his lips to my forehead. “I made calls today. He’s not chasing me away. No one forces you into something you don’t want.”

“You won’t leave me?” My voice hitches at the end as I hold back a sob.

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