Page 96 of When Stars Fall

Kissing Wyatt after telling him I have feelings is a slow torture unlike any other. The man can kiss. Soul deep, wet-my-panties kinds of kisses. My very first love scene was with him, and it was eye-opening. We had fun during those scenes.

After him, any of those types of scenes were professional or invasive or boring or too technical. None of them were fun, and while I wouldn’t call tonight fun, it’s been a neon reminder of how good we can be together. But by the time we’re done for the night, I’m emotionally spent.

When I open the door to my trailer, I’m happy Haven is sleeping, and Nikki keeps such odd hours. She’s wide awake, but I suspected she would be since we were texting back and forth between takes. There will be zero temptation to go to Wyatt’s and follow through on those hours of foreplay. No matter how badly I want to.

“You look wiped.” Nikki closes her laptop.

“Tell me about it. I don’t know what’s with me lately. I’m tired all the time. The last time I was this exhausted was when . . .” Realization dawns.

“Please tell me your sentence finishes with ‘was when I had mono’ and not ‘was when I was pregnant.’”

“Let’s pretend it’s the first one, okay?” I grip the chair in front of me and ease around to fall into it.

“And if it’s the second one?” Nikki winces.

I sink deeper into the chair. My winter clothes are still layered on, so I’m sweating for two reasons. “Please tell me I haven’t done this again.” Taking out my phone, I count the weeks to determine whether I’m crazy or if it’s possible I’m pregnant. My body flashes hot and cold, hot and cold. We’ve been on set for two months. Wyatt and I were apart for almost a month before the shoot started.

“And?” she asks.

“Want to do me a favor and take a cab into town for a pregnancy test? Maybe, like, three or four of them?”

“Oh my God, Ellie. Are you serious?”

“I hope I’m not. Can you imagine?” I flop my head back against the chair.

“What a mess.” Nikki grabs her coat off the rack and sighs.

“But I’m not pregnant.” I rub my face. “I’m not. It’s the stress of the last few months. Stress.” My boobs are a bit tender. Pent-up sexual frustration, that’s all. “Stress.”

“Right.” Nikki opens the trailer door. “I’ll be back as quickly as I can.”

While Nikki is gone, I pace in my trailer and drink water. I’m tempted to mention my situation to Wyatt. We’ve come to rely on each other the last few weeks. But telling him now is a bad idea. He’d get his hopes up. Might think my reasons for keeping us apart no longer matter. And they matter. They’ll matter twice as much.

Nikki returns and drops a pharmacy bag and a jug of water on the table. “The package says it’s best to do the test first thing in the morning.”

“I’m doing it now.” My bladder will explode soon with all the water I’ve been chugging. “I’ll take another in the morning and then another tomorrow afternoon. I’ll tell Wyatt if all three say I’m pregnant.”

“How has Wyatt been since you’ve been here?” Nikki falls into a chair and puts her head in her hands.

Everything I ever wanted him to be. Realized he could be. Wyatt might not have been capable of being a genuine partner or parent before, but he’s exceeded my expectations while we’ve been on set. I’ve been on the hunt for any of his old tells that he’s been drinking or using, and there’s been nothing. While I’m positive he drank on the island, I’m equally positive he’s been dry here.

“Except for his sister and her situation, and the fact he still won’t fess up about his drinking in Bermuda, everything has been so good. So good. Wecouldbe a family.”

“Those two obstacles are big.”

“Yeah, I know, and that’s why we aren’t together.” The difference between how I raised Haven and how Jamal is shuffled around, desperate for a solid connection, has been laid bare. Wyatt might not say much, but I see the expression on his face when Jamal cuddles into me, clings onto me, cries for me. Children need stability and safety. Jamal is not getting either from Anna.

I protected Haven no matter the cost, and if I’m pregnant again, I’ll do the same for this baby. I will not risk my children no matter how much I love Wyatt.

With a sigh, I snatch the bag off the table and then I disappear into the bathroom.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Wyatt

Present Day

Ellie’s avoiding me. Except for our scenes together earlier today, she’s stuck to Nikki like glue. I don’t get it. She admitted she’s willing to try again under the right circumstances, and then she ignores me. Is this some sort of parry and retreat thing? She tells me what I need to do and then sits back waiting for me to do it? Someday, I’ll figure women out. Today is not that day.

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