Page 70 of When Stars Fall

“You agreed to that.”

“And thank goodness I did. Right? Or else I still wouldn’t know I had a daughter.”

“Haven would have sought you out at some point. Ellie never lied to her about you.”

“Small comfort, Evelyn. I’ve missed nine years. When I realize everything I haven’t been here for—what the hell am I supposed to do? How do we overcome that?”

“You need to take a hard look at yourself. Ellie came to see you when Haven was only a few months old.”

“I’m aware of that,now.”

She watches me for a few minutes as I pace around the gym. The memory, if one ever existed, of Ellie coming to see me is gone. I can’t locate it or verify its existence. They can tell me it happened, but it doesn’t feel as though it did. When I glance in Evelyn’s direction, there’s a crease in her brow.

“What would you have done if she’d told you she was pregnant?”

“That’s a shitty question. I can’t answer that. How can I answer that?”

“I suspect you can, you just don’t enjoy the response springing to mind.”

Fury tinges the sides of my vision, even though she’s right. The truth, the horrible truth, is that I would have told Ellie we weren’t ready to be parents. If Ellie had stayed, I’m not sure there’d be a Haven. I would have talked her out of keeping the baby. Guilt wells in my throat. Haven wouldn’t exist.

“She understood you better than anyone. When she came to us, sobbing her heart out, she realized she had to make a choice between keeping her baby or keeping you.” She gives me a hard look. “She loves Haven. Having a child is like watching your heart running around outside your body—how do you protect it? How do you keep it safe? You’ll get to experience that. The most beautiful and terrifying feeling.”

Those feelings should have been mine a long time ago. “You’re just making me angrier.”

“What I’m trying to say is when Haven was more of an idea than a person, Ellie struggled. She did. She loved you so much. Her devotion to you scared me as a parent, to see my child attached to someone who could destroy her.”

“I didn’t destroy her.” My voice is tight. I’m sure of that, at least. I protected Ellie.

“After Isaac died, you were out of control. A loose cannon. Consumed by fame, drugs, drinking—anything bad for you was fair game. You were at your worst when Ellie found out she was pregnant.” Something in her expression shifts and she gives me a rueful smile. “I was glad when she chose to keep Haven. I was worried you were going to get my daughter killed.”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done for Ellie back then.”

Something on my face must tell Evelyn she doesn’t need to correct me because she checks her watch. Then she stands up and crosses toward the door. “Remember that feeling you just had, that realizationyoulet her down, when you talk to those lawyers. She needs you to make the right choice this time.” Evelyn opens the door and disappears without another word.

Once in a while, I see where Ellie gets her dramatic flair.

From the ground, I scoop up my boxing gloves and pound on the bag again, trying to block out Evelyn’s words. I don’t want to feel sorry for Ellie. I don’t want to be ashamed that she came to talk to me and I don’t remember it. I want to be angry.

“Wyatt?” Calshae calls from the doorway.

“Go away.” I hit the bag with more force. “I don’t need another person on Ellie’s side.”

Calshae sighs, her hip cocked, and one hand braced on her waist. She’s changed into some sort of summery island dress. The vibrant colors in it are in stark contrast to her dark skin. “You’re insufferable.”

“No, I’m not.” I screw my face up in annoyance.

“Security’s moving the reporters. It’s still a bit early, but I can get you to Ellie’s in about half an hour if you want.”

The clock on the wall has just passed nine in the morning. This day is both speeding by and dragging along.

“Come on. Go shower. I’ll get us breakfast to go. The reporters will be gone and then I’ll take you over to Ellie’s place.”

I yank off the gloves and squint at her. There’s still so much anger coursing through me, I’m not sure how I can be around Ellie without letting my rage show.

“You don’t want to hear this, but she was really unhappy years ago—I think she’s been unhappy for a long time. If Ellie has a chance to be happy, I want that.” Calshae smiles again. “Besides, I kinda like your grumpy ass. Seeing you happy might be nice too.”

I throw a glove at her, and she ducks.

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