Page 65 of When Stars Fall

“If I’d told you, you can tell me with one hundred percent certainty you’d have gone to rehab? You would have totally changed your lifestyle—given up the publicity, created stability, been completely sober? You can say that?” If he’s going to make me the devil, I’m going to earn that title.

“How can I answer that?” He runs both hands through his hair in frustration. “You didn’t give me a choice.”

“You’re right. I asked the question I thought needed answering, and you said no. I asked you to get sober. You chose the drugs. Maybe you didn’t completely understand the choice, but if you were going to continue to live that life, I didn’t want our child anywhere near it.” I take in his haggard appearance. “How can you say you’d want a kid around that lifestyle? You grew up with that. You hated how your parents raised you and Anna.”

“Which is why I would never do it. Anna showed up with a kid who wasn’t even mine, and I got my shit together.”

I debate how honest to be with him. We’ve gotten this far. No point in holding back. “Ididtell you. I came back to our house three months after Haven was born.”

Wyatt frowns, and he searches my face. He probably thinks I’m lying. “What?”

“I thought you were living with Katrina, but when I showed up, Blanca answered the door. She let me in. I went to the bedroom and tried to talk to you. You woke up, but you couldn’t carry on a coherent conversation. I left.” The breeze from the open window hits me. I shiver. “But I went to tell you. I wanted you to know.”

Emotions flicker across his face in rapid succession. None of them are there long enough to identify. “You told me?”

“You were really high, Wyatt.” I purse my lips, and more tears flood my eyes.

“And that was it. I got two chances to know my daughter, to see her grow up.” His voice is soft, but there’s steel underneath.

He doesn’t believe I did enough. Maybe I didn’t. But I couldn’t worry about his feelings anymore once I saw how bad he was; I had to protect her. Back then, he didn’t want to save himself, had no interest in getting better. He loved me so much, and he wouldn’t get help for me. I couldn’t take the chance that he wouldn’t be sober for our daughter either. Faced with him now, and the weight of my decision, my guilt rests heavy on my shoulders. Maybe I should have done more. I don’t even know anymore. But I didn’t, and here we are.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Wyatt

Present Day

My accusation sits between us, and rage simmers below the surface. Underneath the anger are emotions I’m not touching. Guilt. Remorse. Love. Anger is my friend, not that other shit. She should have told me when I was capable of understanding.

“Did you ever try again, Ellie? Twice in ten years? You made it impossible for me to see you or contact you.Impossible. You had my daughter, my—” I close my eyes and grit my teeth. “Daughter.” The desire to punch something, break something, beat something bloody strains my muscles. All these pent-up frustrations with nowhere to go. Images of Haven from the last few days play over and over in my head.

“I couldn’t risk her well-being,” she says, as though the decision to hide my daughter from me was simple.

“Did you ever check up on me? What if I’d sobered up eight years ago, five years ago?”

“Oh, Wyatt.” Her laugh is heavy. “I kept tabs on you. Google, YouTube, your wide-open social media accounts. I searched constantly for signs you were better.” Her jaw hardens. “Then I stopped hoping.”

For the first time, there isn’t a glimmer of the Ellie I used to know. She was never vindictive. That was my game, not hers. “You’ve spent ten years punishing me for not saying yes right away.”

“I spent ten yearsprotectingHaven from an alcoholic and a drug addict who didn’t always make good choices. Ten yearsprotectingHaven from endless media scrutiny. Ten years keeping our kid away from YouTube searches.”

“That’s harsh.”

“I’m beinghonest.”

Anger rises in me. She doesn’t get to be frustrated with me. We stare each other down. For ten years, she kept my daughter from me. Lied to everyone.

“How’d you find out?” She closes the balcony door and the curtains.

We should have done that earlier. She was right. Our arguing, drifting out the door and landing on the people below, wouldn’t be good for any of us. But the room needed airing out.

“Tommy, my manager, called me. He caught wind of something. Wondered if I came to the island to meetmydaughter.” I mock myself. “I tried to set him straight. Laughed him off. Haven’s not mine, she’s Nikki’s. Ellie wouldn’t lie to me, not about something so big. Then he said TMZ called with the details from a birth certificate. Within the hour, the proof was on their website, livestreaming on their news program for the whole world.”

“I just found out the story was breaking.” Ellie’s voice is quiet. “I turned off my phone. If I’d known it was going to come out earlier—”

“You would have enjoyed the last few hours of my ignorance?”

“Now who’s aiming low?” Her expression is rock solid when she meets mine, the softness gone. “No. I would have come to tell you myself. I never wanted you to find out this way.”

---