Page 50 of When Stars Fall

She holds up her hands. “Come on. You can’t pretend that’s not a big deal. We hung out when you and Ellie were together, and I’ve seen the YouTube videos.”

“Made bad choices the first year or so after she left me,” I admit. “A cease and desist went out on as many of those as I could wrangle.” Most of those videos are a black hole. I want to crush the pebble in my hand. “That’s not representative of who I am. Hell, I was never like that with Ellie when we were together. I went insane for a while.” Which reminds me of something I haven’t gotten around to asking. “Why aren’t you two friends anymore?”

“I wouldn’t say we aren’t friends. It’s complicated. People drift apart for lots of reasons.” Calshae smiles, and her white teeth are striking against her dark face.

Sort of what Ellie said too, but again there was an undercurrent to the conversation. Most of the time I drift from people when they start treating me like the bank of fame and fortune instead of a friend. Can’t imagine that was the issue between Calshae and Ellie, since they are both from prominent and wealthy families on the island. Whatever happened to their friendship, Ellie hasn’t minded me spending time with Calshae, and I liked her company then and now. She’s a straight shooter.

“You leave the island not tomorrow but the morning after that, right?” she asks. “Want me to drive you?”

I squint out at the ocean. “I’m kinda hoping Ellie might want to take me.”

“If that doesn’t work out, I’m around that morning anyway.”

I search for more rocks, wandering down the beach. There’s a restlessness in me today that I don’t like. Whatever is preventing Ellie from diving back in with me is niggling at my brain, prompting my addictive tendencies. Whenever there’s a chance something in life is going to be painful or hurtful, my instinct is to reach for old habits to soften the blow.

“Hey, Calshae.” I walk back toward her.

She raises her head in question.

“Where’s the school Ellie is helping out at today?”

“That’s not a good idea.”

“I gotta keep occupied or I’ll do something stupid.” I fish the stress ball out of my pocket and squeeze it over and over for emphasis.

“What would you be doing if you were at home?”

I flex the stress ball a few more times. “Running around after a three-year-old.”

She frowns and looks confused. “You have a kid? Does Ellie know?”

“He’s not mine. My sister lives with me in LA. Very few people are aware. She doesn’t enjoy the attention anymore, but she needs my help.”

“Have you told Ellie? I’d think that would be kinda an important detail.”

“Ellie hasn’t really asked about Anna.” She brought her up the other day, but I sidestepped the question. “It’s a long story, but she lives with me now and so does Jamal.” I crash down beside Calshae on the blanket. “Ellie and Anna didn’t get along.”

“Yeah, I remember how tense their relationship was. She was a model for a while, right?”

“She was. Like me, she spiraled out of control once Isaac died. Couldn’t hold down a job. We even lost touch for a while when we were both at our worst.”

“You haven’t told Ellie about Anna and Jamal?”

I shrug. There are only so many things I can spring on Ellie while I’m extending my pleas for a reunion. Pretty sure my sister is a deal breaker.

“You’re being stupid.” Calshae shakes her head. “You want her back, but you’re not laying it all out there. I mean, she has a life here. Did you expect her to pick up and move to LA?”

“You sound like Ellie.”

“Well, it’s true.” She dusts sand off her legs. “It’s a big deal. Concealing that from Ellie isn’t going to make her trust you again.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” I lean on my elbows, staring up at the cloudless sky.

“She’s got her work cut out for her with you.”

“What’s that mean?”

“You’re still so stubborn.”

---