Page 30 of When Stars Fall

“Seemed pretty Hollywood at the hospital today.”

“Yeah, well, he can’t help turning on the charm when someone doesn’t like him. It’s an instinct.”

“Haven likes him just fine.”

I give her the side-eye.

“Oh, you mean me. I’m not that obvious.”

“You are. You really are.” I sigh.

For almost my entire relationship with Wyatt, he and my sister got along very well. Now I’m not sure she dislikes him so much as she doesn’t trust him and his poor decisions. We’ve watched the YouTube videos and the interviews that went sideways, knocked over by one stimulant too many. When I was with him, his issues seemed subtle, hard to see. Once I left, every time I caught a glimpse of him on TV or the internet, all I saw were the ravings of an addict.

“What are you going to do?” Nikki picks up her drink.

“Spend time with him for the next five days?” It’s a terrible plan, cracking open a Pandora’s box. But sending him away without knowing whether he’s telling the truth is vindictive. My goal has been to protect Haven, not to punish Wyatt.

She nods. “Yeah, that seems like agreatway to get him out of your system. Agreatidea.”

“He’s Haven’s dad. She wants to know him.” The more I say it, perhaps the more likely I am to believe she’s the only reason I want him to stay. “If he knew about her . . .” My voice thickens, and I suck in a deep, unsteady breath. “He’d want to spend time with her too.”

Nikki rubs my leg. “You haven’t told him for a reason. You want reasons? Go on YouTube. There are more reasons to keep him away than to let him get close. Charming and good-looking and rich and famous don’t make someone a good father.”

“Once I tell him, I can’t ever take it back.”

Of course, he might never forgive me for not telling him in the first place or not confessing the truth as soon as he arrived at my house or when he showed up at the hospital or any other time since he reappeared. “If he relapses, the reasons I didn’t tell him for ten years are validated, but Haven’s protection goes up in smoke.”

“Are you going to talk to Mom and Dad?”

“No,” I say. “They’ll call me nuts for even considering it. Like you. I don’t need more of that.”

Nikki sips her water for a few minutes. “Does he remember you went to see him when Haven was a baby?”

“No. I didn’t expect him to. Maybe I hoped he would, but I didn’t expect it.” I rub my forehead. “Deep down, I knew he’d come if he remembered. He was very high and very drunk. The exact opposite of what I needed in my life, in her life.” I’d done what I set out to do and told him we had a daughter. The fact I said it has always made me, at least inside, more self-righteous in my choice. If he wasn’t so out of it, he would have known.

“She’s your daughter, but for ten years I’ve functioned as her other parent. When you’re on a film set or doing promotion, I’ve been the parent. Telling Wyatt might be your choice, but I feel like I should get a say. I’ve been doing his job for ten years.”

I stare at the blank TV screen, absorbing her words. “I’m sorry I’ve put you in that position.”

“I volunteered. Did I really understand what I was suggesting back then? No.” She lets out a disbelieving chuckle. “Not a clue. But I don’t regret being Haven’s other parent, being your support system. She’s a joy, Ellie. I don’t want to see that joy dimmed by a man who can’t keep himself together.”

My sister has sacrificed relationships and freedoms she would have had if she hadn’t agreed to our parenthood ruse. Even here at home, there are probably people who aren’t completely sure whether Haven is Nikki’s daughter or mine. When I returned from seeing Wyatt and reached out for help, my sister answered in a big way. She does deserve some input into Haven’s life. She’s earned it.

“I understand the risks Wyatt poses if he’s still using. I lived it. Those memories are easy to access. What I don’t understand is whether he’s truly better, whether he’d want to be her father if I gave him a chance.”

“MaybethisWyatt deserves to be a dad. Maybe. That doesn’t mean you and Wyatt should be together or even need to be together.”

I steeple my hands over my nose, taking deep breaths. “The only way for me to be certain he should have a chance with Haven is by spending time with him. Otherwise, I’m throwing her to the wolves. I’m not doing that. I’ll gladly put my own heart on the line if it spares hers. I’m capable of walking away from him if he’s lying.”

“You’re sure? It’s been ten years and I swear after two days you’re already half in love with him again.”

“Half in love or fully in love, Haven comes first. She did back then and she does now too. That’s not going to change no matter what pretty words he sings in my ear.”

“This situation screams ‘potential disaster’ to me.” Nikki’s worry and disapproval sit between us palpably. “Do you need me to get Haven to school before I head to my open house?”

“No. I’ll take her. It’s something I miss.” I take a deep breath. “Then I’ll text Wyatt.”

I leave Nikki in the living room and head up the stairs to the bedroom beside Haven’s. All of Haven’s life, my younger sister has maintained the stability I couldn’t give her once I started working again. People said I turned down jobs after Wyatt and I split because of my heartbreak. That I hid from the spotlight out of embarrassment because Wyatt appeared to move on so quickly. For more than a year, there wasn’t a single paparazzi shot of me. The island was my cocoon. Even if I hadn’t been pregnant, I would have refused to feed the “poor me” narrative.

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