Page 11 of When Stars Fall

“No,” I say. “My visit has nothing to do with any movie. I’m here for you. I’ve wanted to see you for ten years.”

“Guess what? I was here the whole time.” Ellie thrusts her hands wide in exasperation.

“You seriously don’t think I tried? You don’t think I made phone calls, asked friends and acquaintances, phoned your manager, contacted former acting partners? I did all of that. All of it. Hell, I even flew here once. But the islanders acted like I was a disease. No one would tell me where you lived. I went to your parents’ place but they wouldn’t let me past the gates. I even booked one of those See Famous Houses tours, but as soon as they recognized me, they canceled the whole damned thing.”

Ellie stares at her glass but remains silent.

“I tried,” I say.

“For how long? It’s been ten years. You tried that hard the whole time?”

“The first year, maybe two, I was angry at you.” Before Ellie left, I was already spiraling out of control, but once she was gone, any brakes I’d applied to my behavior were cut. Rage and grief fueled my addiction. “Once I calmed down, I came looking.”

I splay my hands on the island, shoulders up, mirroring her posture. Many, many days I was too out of it on drugs or alcohol to do much of anything. The acting jobs I took required a careful coordination of uppers and downers for me to pull off, and a lot of days, I didn’t function at all. Neither of us needs a reminder of who I once was. The court appearances and the questions around insuring me on a film set aren’t happening anymore.

She gathers her hair into a ponytail and lets it fall in a wave behind her back. “You were still using when you came. You must have still been using.”

“I was, but I’m not anymore. Spend time with me over the next week while I’m here. I promise you, I’m not the man I was.” She needs to believe me. I’m going to show her, but I need her to trust me.

“Ten years ago, I asked you to go to rehab, to choose me over your addiction. You couldn’t do that. Your reliance on pills and alcohol, your grief over Isaac and his father, were tearing you apart right in front of me. I wanted to choose you then, but I needed you to get help. I can’t choose you now. I’d be a fool to throw away the life I’ve built to relive old memories.”

The reminders of how foggy I let my life get after Isaac’s father, Kabir, died of a heart attack and then Isaac died make me feel like shit. I might have made a lot of poor choices, but I never stopped loving her. “We could make new memories.”

“I moved on.” Ellie sighs. “That first year after I left you, I thought you might come. Get better on your own. I hoped you would.Maybe today will be the day, I used to think. But every day, I woke up, and you never appeared.”

I can’t argue with her. She still knows me better than anyone. If I was determined to find her, I’d have left no stone unturned. Two years of intense therapy has led me back to her. This time, I pushed until someone caved. But the person who gave in is also the reason I’m sure I have a chance.

“I’m here. Maybe that doesn’t count for much right now, but I came to show you things are different; I’m different,” I say. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“No. I won’t blow up my life for you.” She wags her finger and takes a drink of her water.

“I’m here for a week.” Frustration seeps into my voice. “You kept me away for ten years. Should I have tried harder? Yeah, I should have. Did you make it damn hard for me to get to you? Yeah, you did. You canceled appearances, didn’t come to awards shows, stayed away from LA. It felt like the moment you caught a whiff of me in the general vicinity, you ran. So if you’re stringing me up for not coming, at least give me a chance now that I’m here.”

Her eyes soften. She bites her lip and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. Her stance relaxes, and she nods once. “Tomorrow. Only until three in the afternoon.” She stares at me, searching. “Who knows you’re here? Will there be a flood of paps outside my door tomorrow?”

To her, the press scrutiny is invasive, frustrating. I love the attention—I like to be wanted. “Only my team. I didn’t purposely lead anyone here. You have my word.”

“I guess we’ll find out whether that means anything anymore.” She turns from the island and opens the side door. “What time are you coming?”

“Ten? You’ll be jet-lagged, right?”

“Uh, yeah.” Surprise flashes in her eyes. “Freddie will call you a cab.”

“No limo service?” We spent a lot of time in the back seat of one. The memories are there with every glance. On my lap. Underneath me. Laughing over a shared joke. Leaving a funeral.

“Not the kind you’re seeking, not in Bermuda,” she says. “It’s weird, but I don’t miss any of that.”

Her words slice into my heart. She meant them to. Can’t blame her. There were a lot of mistakes, all of them mine. “Guess we’ll see about that too.” Before I leave, I loop my arm around her waist and whisper in her ear, “Tomorrow.”

Goose bumps form on her arms, and they’re not from the cold.

Chapter Six

Ellie

Present Day

I’m at my side door, pacing, waiting for Wyatt to appear. Calshae came to warn me last night about Wyatt’s arrival on the island. A lawyer circulating with NDAs at her family’s hotel coupled with Wyatt’s interview made her think he’d be in Bermuda shortly. She was as surprised as me that he was already at my house. We might not be close anymore, but the island mentality of looking out for one another has been ingrained in each of us from birth. We’re both from intergenerational Bermudian families, and she’ll protect my secrets like they’re her own even if she never agreed with them.

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