Page 65 of Faking the Face Off

Ollie scoots his chair closer to mine, taking my hand. I watch as he runs his fingertips across the back of my hand, tracing invisible lines. “And?”

“And…” I take my other hand and cover his, pulling him to me. “I know that the one thing that I’m happiest about is sitting here, right now, with me.”

“Really?”

“Yes, but,” I say as I swallow the lump in my throat, “I need time, Ollie. I need to take a step back from everything, and everyone, to look at what I want.”

“You want time?” Ollie’s forehead furrows with worry. “Like a long time or space to breathe time?”

“Space. I sat up last night thinking for a long time about whatIneed. For the past few weeks, I’ve put aside thoughts about myself to look for a way to help my dad and”—I lean in to rake my fingers through his hair and kiss the tip of his nose—“my best friend. And I wanted to do it. I started the whole thing in motion with my butting in, so please know that I’m well aware of the irony of my request. But like I said, it’s been intense. I hate even doing this, but there’s part of me that feels like we’d be crazy to not take a hot second to look around us and at what happened, make sure we’re still good before we do anything else.”

Ollie sits quietly, nodding his head as I talk. His body language shifted halfway through what I was saying, with his shoulders beginning to rise with tension.

“It has been a whirlwind,” he finally says after a minute of brooding silence. “And, I cannot lie, this is giving me whiplash, but I wouldn’t have wanted to have gone through it with anyone else but you.”

“Same––and I’m not going away, I am merely taking a moment to pause things.”

Ollie sits back in his chair, chewing on the side of his cheek as he fiddles with his hands nervously. He finally drags his eyes, blue-gray brilliance and all, to meet mine.

“Did what we have, well…is it what we did that scared you?” He asks the question so sweetly and so simply, my heart skips ten beats and goes into a palpitation overdrive.

“Yes, and no,” I manage to say as I put a hand on his thigh. I could be imagining things, but I swear he flexes it on purpose. “Look, my world was rocked from the moment you kissed me, and once we crossed a certain line, I knew that for me and my heart, I was never going back. Could never go back.” As Olliegrins at me, I squeeze his thigh again. “But, I—we were thrown together under such extraordinary?—”

“Circumstances,” he finishes with a whisper, nodding as if he now understands my hesitation. “So you want to step away and make sure it’s not some kind of Meisner acting method where you’ve fallen for me but you realize down the road it should never have happened?”

“Kind of,” I say with a chuckle as I stand up and pour myself a glass of water. My mouth is dry from my own nerves kicking in. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but I also didn’t think it would be this tough.

“So what do you need?” Ollie asks, spreading his hands out in front of him on the tabletop. “How much time?”

“I don’t know.” My answer is honest.

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry I can’t give you a timeline,” I say, walking back over to the table to sit beside him. “A few days, maybe longer. Time to be alone and to take care of some of my own computer tabs that are open in my mind.”

I look at him pointedly when I say that last part and am rewarded with a tiny grin.

“So some time away, huh?” He reaches out and takes my hand, pressing it to his lips. “I hate this. I hate that what we did has made you feel this way.”

“It’s not about us, though. At least not fully,” I say with a sigh. “It’s more. It’s about me being seen as Danny’s daughter. Or Ben’s assistant. And Ollie’s girlfriend. All titles, and I know it sounds so petty, but I don’t want to be someone’s descriptor. I want to be just ‘Anna whatever I am,’ you know?” I shake my head, horrified at my atrocious way of getting these words out. But at least they’re coming.

“Anna…” Ollie’s voice is low, apologetic.

“Don’t feel bad for me,” I say, wagging a finger his way. “It’s not about that, either. This is me, taking a minute to put myself first. I know I’m responsible for how I feel, so I’m gonna make sure how I feel is in line with who I want to be and what I want in the future.”

Ollie takes a giant breath of air and holds it in before letting it out in a giant whoosh.

“Okay, Anna,” he says, his voice dripping with sadness, which kills me. “I’ll go. I guess I’ll wait to hear from you?”

If I’m honest, I hadn’t thought that far ahead, and now I’m freaking out. But I have to do this for myself. So I nod and follow him, mimicking his movements as he rises from the table and heads to the front door.

The whole scene is playing out in slow motion. Horror movie slow motion, really, but again we stay the course. When Ollie gets to the front door, he stops and turns around, bending over to pick something up.

“I forgot,” he says, holding out a flat, square wrapped gift that looks suspiciously like an album. “It’s the record I picked up for you when we were gone.” He hands it to me. “It’s how I feel about you, how I always have, and I want you to have it no matter what comes out of your taking space. I know this was all to help me and Danny, but Anna, you have changed me for the better. I want you to know that your faith in me bled onto the ice, and I know the extra bounce I have in my step now is because of you. It’s our time we’ve spent together.”

My heart pounds in my chest. A flush creeps across my cheeks, but I keep my eyes trained on the album in my hands. I’m afraid if I look at him, I’ll cry.

“Thank you.”

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