Page 9 of The Psychopath Next Door

‘Your mum and I have tickets to a gig in town. I was about to say that Dylan can babysit. He’s fifteen. I used to do it for next door’s toddlers when I was his age.’

‘I don’t need looking after,’ Rose said.

Emma was shaking her head. ‘I’m not leaving you and Dylan on your own in the evening.’

We’d had this argument several times and it was one I always lost, as Emma conjured images of burning houses, choking children, home invasions and electrocutions. I thought she was overprotective, and she said I didn’t worry enough.

‘I’m the only kid in my class whose parents treat her like this,’ Rose said. ‘I’m amazed you even let me out the house.’

Oh God, here it was again. The mother-daughter argument. I was preparing to step in when someone said, ‘I could watch them for you.’

The voice came from next door’s garden, and all three of us turned to see Fiona peering over her fence at us, only her head visible. She must have been on tiptoe.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,’ she said. ‘But I don’t have any plans tonight. If you want me to come round and sit with them, I’d be very happy to do it.’

I turned to my wife. ‘Emma? What do you think?’

She looked unsure. She had only met Fiona briefly, although I think her main issue with the gig was the sheer effort involved in getting ready, and travelling across London and back – more than her fear about leaving the kids with a relative stranger.

‘I’m not sure,’ Emma said. ‘It’s very kind of you to offer, Fiona, but I don’t know if I’ve got the energy.’

‘Come on,’ I said. ‘It’s Pulp. It’ll be amazing.’

I expected Rose to shoot daggers at us, silently trying to tell us she didn’t want or need to be left with a babysitter. But instead, she said, ‘Go on, Mum. You should go.’

She smiled at our new neighbour and I raised my eyebrows at Emma, trying to communicate that this was a positive that we should take advantage of.

‘All right,’ Emma said. ‘But I need to start getting ready now.’

She hurried towards the house.

‘Thanks, Rose,’ I said.

She seemed excited, as if we’d invited one of the TikTok influencers she idolised to babysit. Was Fiona that cool in the eyes of a twelve-year-old?

Then I thanked Fiona.

‘Oh, don’t mention it,’ she said, her eyes falling on Rose. ‘What else are neighbours for?’

5

As soon as Ethan and Emma had gone, Fiona followed Rose into the kitchen. This house was the same as hers, but mirrored, everything in reverse. It was also cluttered, every surface piled high with the stuff of family life. Seeing unopened mail and loose pens and scattered crumbs on the counter made Fiona twitch.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Huh?’ She realised Rose was watching her carefully. She pulled out a smile. Enthusiastic. Happy to be here. She clapped her hands together. ‘What do you want to do?’

Rose shrugged. ‘My dad left money so we can order pizza.’

‘Food. Yes.’ She took the menu Rose was holding out. ‘It’s been a very long time since I had a pizza.’

‘Really? Why? Have you been on a diet?’

Fiona smirked. ‘Something like that. What does your brother like? A meat feast, I’m guessing. Or pepperoni?’

‘We’re vegetarian.’

‘Of course you are.’

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