Page 31 of The Psychopath Next Door

‘Yeah. Some people are just ... stupid.’

Fiona grinned and patted Rose’s shoulder. ‘Oh, you got that right. They’re asking to be pranked, aren’t they? They’re just begging for it.’

11

Thursday was a rare hot day. I stopped off at the supermarket on the way home, deciding it was the perfect day for a barbecue. Along with the veggie sausages and burgers, I picked up a bottle of Pimm’s and some lemonade, along with the wine Emma had asked me to get.

The sun was still high in the sky when I set up the barbecue. While it was warming up, I poured Pimm’s and lemonade into a jug and fixed myself a glass. Emma had some work to finish off so she sat at the kitchen table on her laptop, the kids still in their rooms, while I prepared the food, cooking the first batch of burgers and sausages.

‘It’s like being back home,’ came a voice from the next garden.

I went over to the fence. Fiona was lying on a sun lounger wearing a bikini. A very small bikini that showed off her lean body. Her skin shone with sunscreen and she was wearing big retro sunglasses. She had, I noticed, a tattoo on her left thigh. An ornate ‘M’, encircled with barbed wire and flowers. I looked away quickly in case she thought I was staring at her long legs, though I realised I’d already been looking long enough for my glance to be described as lingering.

‘Want me to chuck a few prawns on it?’ I asked.

‘That would be ripper, mate.’

I laughed and she laid a hand on her bare belly, fingers slightly spread. ‘The smell is making my stomach rumble.’

I said it without thinking: ‘Why don’t you join us? I have to warn you, it’s all veggie stuff, but there’s plenty if you want to come over.’

I told myself this was the neighbourly thing to do, and that, also, I had asked her because I wanted to see how she and Rose interacted. The depressing truth, which I wouldn’t admit to myself until later, was that I knew if there was a fifth person there Emma and I wouldn’t be able to argue. There was still tension between us following the row the other night.

‘You sure?’

‘Absolutely. I know Rose will love it if you join us.’

She wriggled into a sitting position. Now I had a full view of her cleavage. I made myself look away.

‘I think she might have seen enough of me today,’ Fiona said.

So have I.

‘I don’t know, I think she’d move in with you if she could.’

‘That’s sweet. But she talks about you loads. “My dad this, my dad that.” She’s definitely a daddy’s girl.’

‘Yeah. That’s because I’m the one who never says no to her. Emma is— Shit!’ Something was burning. I rushed back over to the barbecue. Luckily it was just a charred sausage.

‘I’m going to have a shower and put some clothes on,’ Fiona called from over the fence. ‘If you still want to have me.’

‘I do. I mean, you’d be very welcome.’

I was sure I was flushing again. I poured myself another glass of Pimm’s, spilling it down my T-shirt, soaking myself.

‘Wet T-shirt competition later?’ Fiona said. Then she walked away, laughing.

Two hours later, the table was piled high with empty plates and leftover food. Before coming over Fiona had changed into a simple summer dress, pale blue and white, and her bare legs were hidden beneath the table. Dylan sat to my left, clutching his belly. Emma sat on my other side. She hadn’t eaten or drunk much but had been on good form, not showing any sign that she was worried about Fiona taking over her role as Rose’s companion and protector. In fact, she was chatting happily with Fiona, and telling her about some of her more eccentric colleagues, like the guy who insisted on sampling all the dog kibble they sold.

‘He always says, “It’s just meat and biscuit. You’d eat it if there was an apocalypse.”’

‘What did you two do today?’ I asked Rose, looking from her to Fiona then back again.

‘Stayed in and played chess,’ she replied.

I had been delighted when Rose had first told me that Fiona was coaching her at chess. I had taught both the kids when they were younger, but neither of them wanted to play these days.

‘Did Rose tell you that I won my school’s chess tournament when I was eleven?’ I said.

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