Page 81 of Chasing Sparks

“I don’t know what I was, Ori. I felt everything and nothing at the same time. Anger, rage, sadness, longing—everything. She insisted on taking me to dinner, and we talked. Mainly she did, apologizing and trying to explain her side. I told her it didn’t matter.”

“But it did.”

“I wasn’t going to let her know that. After falling for her, I swore I’d never allow another woman into my heart. In thatway, you and I are exactly alike. The people we trusted the most betrayed us.”

But we’re not, Ash, because I’m willing to let you into mine.

Knowing what I do now, though, I realize it’s going to be a tougher road than I originally believed.

“So, that’s it? She apologized and walked away?”

“No. God, I wish.” Ash hesitates before answering, his voice quieter now. “We slept together after the breakup. Actually, we hooked up quite a few times over the last several years.”

I blink, absorbing the new information. Seems the woman still has her claws in him, which is not good news. “Huh.”

He shakes his head, as if regretting his admission. “I never told anyone that before. Lucille was this dirty secret because everyone I knew hated her.”

But you didn’t.

I skew my mouth to the side, at a loss for a response.

Ash reaches over and grabs my fingers. “I shouldn’t have said all that about us hooking up. I’m sorry.”

Waving my hand, I dismiss his concern—even though it gouges me like a dagger. “It’s okay. I get it. I was like that with a guy I dated. We were toxic together, but there was comfort in it. I knew his body. He knew mine.”

Ash waves his hand. “Nope. Stop talking.”

“About my ex?”

“No, about any former sexual partners. The thought of you being with another man drives me crazy.”

My eyes widen at his jealousy. “Why? It was ten years ago.”

“I don’t care. As far as I’m concerned, you were a virgin before I came along.”

“Too bad I can’t play that card,” I reply with a smirk.

“Trust me, I don’t want to talk about my past relationships, either.” He leans over, grasping my fingers. “Are we okay?”

It took so much courage for him to open up like that—to share the dark recesses of his soul.

And even though his admissions hurt to hear, mainly because Lucille got the version of him I’ll never have, I know he needs my reassurances that we, such as we are, are still on solid ground.

Besides, I asked. Don’t go digging in a litter box if you don’t want to find some shit.

And Ash is worth it, even if he believes he’s broken beyond repair. Maybe, by loving him and demanding nothing in return, he’ll come to realize that, too.

“Just so you know, if I ever meet this Lucille, I’m punching her in the mouth.”

A smile splits Ash’s face as he leans in to kiss me. “Thank you, my little warrior. Am I done spilling my guts now?”

I’m more than satisfied. He was brutal in his honesty, and now I understand the pain behind his eyes.

“Won’t stop me from trying to change your mind about love, though,” I reply, flashing him a teasing grin.

But the smile fades from Ash’s face as he looks away. “I don’t know, Ori. I’m pretty set in my ways on this one. The last thing I want is you expecting something I can’t give.”

Chapter 11

---