Page 56 of Seeing You

The impish grin on her face was adorable and damn if he didn’t want to lean over and kiss her. She whispered his name, and he took that as a good sign until…

Suddenly, she straightened and gave her head a brief shake. “Earlier you said you wanted to be the man I fell for, and…that’s not going to happen. I’m sorry.” Then she seemed to realize how that sounded. “I’m not saying that you can’t change and go back to being that guy, but if you’re thinking in terms of you and me? We’d never work.”

She was shooting them down before they even had a chance, but what did he expect? And honestly, maybe she was right, but didn’t they deserve to at least try to find out?

As if reading his mind, she gave him a sad smile. “I’ll never move back to D.C. and be a corporate woman again. Are you saying you’d give all that up and move back to Sweetbriar Ridge?”

Damn.

The nervous laugh was out before he could stop it. “I guess…never say never, right?”

“Are you referring to me leaving or you staying? Because that’s the deal-breaker and we both know it.”

Desperation was clawing at him because now that they’d come this far—breached the barrier of all the angry years apart—he wasn’t ready to let go. Unfortunately, he knew it would be a cold day in hell before he moved back to this hick town. So where did that leave them?

He chose his next words carefully. “I’d still like to spend as much time as I can with you, Billie. If you believe that I’m only here for two weeks, then…what have you got to lose? What if we take the time to get to know each other again and then see where we stand?”

Reaching over, her hand rested on top of his. “I’m never going back to that life, Marcus. Ever. You have to accept that.”

For now, he would. But the woman he knew and loved thrived in that environment. This life she created was a safe space, her comfort zone. In the back of his mind, he had to wonder if she truly was as happy as she said, or if maybe she missed the way things used to be. Maybe if they both went back and had better communication skills and he acted more like a partner than a dictator—and God did he hate how that wasn’t an exaggeration—things could be different.

His free hand covered hers. “I’m not walking away, Billie. Not without a fight. I let you leave once, and I regret that I didn’t come and fight for us.”

“It wouldn’t have mattered. At that point, there wasn’t a thing you could have said to change my mind. I was so broken that I went into protective mode. Hell, I didn’t even come home for almost a month after the breakup. I needed time to be completely alone to evaluate my life and what it was I wanted.”

Slowly, he released her hand. “I…I had no idea. I just thought…”

“This wasn’t what I thought I wanted either. It wasn’t until I spent a few weeks with no demands on my time and could actually hear myself think that I decided to come home.”

“Was coming back to me even an option?” he asked solemnly, knowing he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“In those first few days, I second-guessed myself a hundred times. When I left, I knew I had hit my limit. You weren’t going to change. If I went back, I was going to get caught in the same pattern. It was killing me, Marcus. I felt like I was losing myself.” Pausing, her head lolled back briefly as she sighed. When she met his gaze again, he saw the unshed tears. “I truly love myself now. The life that I know you want—the life you want for us—it would destroy me.”

The worst part was that he knew he could see that now.

At least…now he knew it. Back then, when she used to tell him how stressed she was or how much she hated how things were going, he blew it off and took the tough love approach. He just thought they were so similar that she would just power through and be fine.

“I was suffocating you,” he murmured. “You have to know I didn’t realize it. I just…”

“You were so focused on this…this life that you thought was the answer to everything, that you closed your mind to anything else.”

Well…damn.

“So, where does this leave us?”

“We can be friends, but…that’s all I can offer you. Anything…romantic wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

Swallowing hard, he pushed his plate away, his appetite gone. This really wasn’t how he envisioned the evening going. Leaning back, Marcus raked both hands through his hair.

“Well, this was way more enlightening than I thought it would be. I appreciate your honesty.”

“I learned to speak up for myself and say exactly what I mean.” She smiled sadly again. “I can thank you for that.”

“I envy you, Billie. You were brave and knew when to walk away, even when you didn’t know where it was going to lead, but then you followed your heart.” Ducking his head, he took a moment to compose himself because he was feeling oddly emotional. “I just always thought it would lead you back to me.”

She was on her feet and awkwardly crawling into his lap. They clung to each other and it was almost brutal in its honesty. He smelled her shampoo, felt the warmth of her body, and he never wanted to let her go.

Of course, he knew he’d have to eventually.

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