Page 52 of Seeing You

“Fine. We can grab one of the tables. Do you want some coffee?”

“Um…”

“There are plenty of empty tables in the romance book section!” Cora suggested.

“And I’ll bring you both something to drink!” Jade added.

Billie glared at them both before stepping around the counter and motioning for Marcus to follow her. Sure enough, the tables in the romance section were empty and the one in the corner was her favorite because it offered the most privacy. After she sat down, she looked at him expectantly.

“I’ve done some hard thinking the last couple of weeks,” he began slowly. “And this time, I really did have an epiphany. Actually, it’s come to my attention that I have a tendency to react instead of listen.”

The snort was out before she could stop it, but she didn’t apologize for it.

“You’ve known me for most of my life, Billie. You know my strengths and my weaknesses. Those haven’t changed. You also know exactly when I changed and why. The thing is…it’s been so long that I don’t know how to…how to go back and stop being that guy—the one who’s mad at the world and expects everyone to fall in line with what I want.”

“Maybe take the stick out of your ass…” she mumbled, but immediately knew her snark wasn’t helping anything. “Sorry.”

“You’re not saying anything I haven’t heard before,” he admitted with a low laugh. “All I know is that I want to try. There’s no one else who knows me like you do. We were friends for a long time before we started dating and…there’s no one else who I’d want to do this for.”

“You need to do it for yourself, Marcus, not for me.”

Shaking his head, he reached across the table and took one of her hands in his. “Don’t you understand? I want to be a better person for us. You and me. I want to be the person I was when we met. I want to be the man you fell for.”

Her stupid heart kicked hard at his declaration. She needed to be strong, otherwise he’d have her heart wrapped around his little finger in no time.

“We were kids. None of us are the same as we were back then. We change, we mature, we…we experience life and learn how to become the people we are now. No one expects you to go back to being the goofy, studious guy you were in high school. And I don’t think you could, no matter how hard you tried. You should be proud of everything you’ve accomplished and who you’ve become.”

“Do you know what hit me earlier today?”

She shook her head.

“I’m going to die alone.”

“Marcus, come on. That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

He was already shaking his head. “No, I don’t. I was standing there thinking about how I don’t want to end up like my father in a house that needs too many repairs and being cared for by my children. And that’s when it hit me. I don’t have kids. I don’t have anyone. If anything were to happen to me tomorrow, I’d be alone.”

Squeezing his hand, she offered him a smile. “You have family. You have friends. And you’re not going to die tomorrow, so…relax.”

“We don’t know that. Tomorrow’s not promised, Billie. I think we all know that. If I don’t make some changes—if I don’t…you know…pull the stick out of my ass—that’s my future. Dead. Alone.”

Oh God…

“What are you saying, because…I feel like you’re looking at me to be the answer, and I’m not. I can’t walk this crazy path with you again. It’s too painful.”

Tugging her hand slightly, she could see the desperation in his eyes.

“Here’s some coffee for the two of you!” Jade said, putting two mugs down on the table. “And I took the liberty of bringing a banana chocolate chip muffin for you, Marcus. And Billie, I grabbed you a slice of the lemon pound cake.” Smiling at them both, she added, “Enjoy!”

It was a great distraction, but it didn’t change the fact that they were dealing with a very delicate situation.

“I know I’ve hurt you, and I need you to know how sorry I am. For all of it. I never should have walked out of that hotel room the way I did. I should have listened to you, and I should have tried to put myself in your place. It was really shitty of me to belittle what you’ve been doing. You’ve made a life for yourself, and you seem genuinely happy.”

“I am.” Nodding, she repeated that. “I truly am. More than anything, I like who I am now.”

“I want to feel like that. Help me. Please. I need your help.”

How many times had she dreamed of him talking to her like this? Admitting that he needed to change was something she never imagined she’d hear from him. But could she trust herself—trust them—to not fall into old patterns?

---