Page 28 of Outlaw

“I get to swim in his pool again?” she asked.

Branwen smiled at her. “Every day,” she replied.

“That’s bettah than going to pweschool!” she said, then turnedback to me. “I got this many new swimsuits upstaywas,” she told me, holding up six fingers.

“We can buy you as many as you want,” I told her, thankful my voice didn’t fucking crack. “Your mom tells me you want a puppy. I’ll buy you whatever puppy you want. We can even go together to look at them when you decide what breed.”

Her little palms slapped down on the table. “Weally?!” she exclaimed.

“And that swing set you want? I’ll have one even bigger and better put in the backyard.”

Stevie wiggled out of her mother’s lap and ran down the length of the table toward me. I didn’t know what to do or expect. When she reached me, she climbed up into my lap with my help, then threw her arms around my neck.

“I’m weally glad yowah my weal dad. Yowah not an outlaw,” she said, then loosened her hold to look back at her mother.

Branwen was watching us, her eyes shimmering with tears. I wasn’t sure what kind of tears they were, and I didn’t think I wanted to know. She wasn’t going to ruin this for me.

“He’s not an outlaw, is he, Mommy? You was wong.”

Her lips hesitantly turned up at the sides. “I was wrong,” she responded simply.

For a moment, I studied her. Once, there had been another little girl who called me that name. I told her I was one, and because I had nicknamed her, she had done the same to me. I dropped my gaze back to the little girl in my lap. Her curls were well kept and not a messy riot, like the one from all those years ago, but they reminded me of hers.

I hadn’t thought of her in years. Thinking about her now brought a smile to my face. Back then, I’d always thought I might have been a better girl dad. She loved me more than my own kid. Levi never lit up like she did at the sight of me. When I’d felt like a failure or shit with Maggie had me in a funk, she’d comerunning for me out of the stables, smiling at me like I’d hung the fucking moon. Those pale blonde ringlets flying around her. That kid had saved me from losing my soul more times than I could count.

Blinking, I came out of my memories and focused on my daughter. Maybe I wouldn’t be bad at this. I’d been loved before by a little girl, and I hadn’t had to do more than bring her a daisy to put in her hair when I saw her. I could hand Stevie the world.

Thirteen

Branwen

The turmoil that had taken root inside me last night had kept me awake,staring at the chandelier above my bed. Stevie had asked thousands of questions, it seemed, when I lay down with her. She even fell asleep in the middle of one. The day had exhausted her, and I was glad she hadn’t struggled to sleep in her new room. I had needed some time alone.

The way she had just accepted the massive turn of events without issue was a relief. She had kept Linc busy by telling him everything he could ever want to know and asking him questions. As I sat there, witnessing them together, the blame grew heavier and sank slowly onto my shoulders. It came with regret that I’d been keeping this from her because it was something she obviously needed, and I hadn’t even realized it. She’d barely taken her eyes off Linc.

Twice, while we were in bed, she had beamed at me and said, “I have a weal daddy.” As if she was amazed.

The pang of remorse was sharp, and I had to live with it. This was my penance. Facing what had to be done today had only been more of what I deserved.

Dad used to tell me, “You made your bed, darlin’. Now, you got to lie in it.”

Although the sound of his deep, husky tone had long since faded from my memory, as his scent and laugh had, his words were still there. He’d have been ashamed of me. I’d stolen time that could never be taken back from not only Linc, but my daughter too.

While he might have deserved it, she hadn’t. She was innocent. My fear had ruled everything else. I thought I was giving her the best. The family that I thought would be complete with Hudson. Yet not once had she brought him up again. She hadn’t acted sad that he wouldn’t be her dad anymore. I couldn’t remember a time in her life that she’d been this giddy.

Standing in front of the mirror, I studied myself. The cotton-candy-pink sundress I had decided to wear made the sun I’d gotten yesterday by the pool stand out. The desire to look my best when I talked to Hudson no longer held any importance for me. My life would never be the same. The one I had been living when I kissed him last and got in my car to drive here was gone. It was time I accepted it.

Needless to say, extra time spent on under-eye concealer was a must this morning. I’d taken a shower, dried my hair, and finished my makeup, and Stevie was still sleeping. The king-size bed with a mattress from heaven, combined with her full day, had her sleeping late. It gave me time to get ready, and I knew she needed the rest for another full day. This one with several hours spent in a car.

Stevie’s happiness was number one priority, and havingwatched her with Linc, I knew I’d never be able to take her away from him. When the year was over, we would rent something in Madison. I’d find a job here or in Jackson. The fifteen hundred dollars in savings wasn’t going to be much help though. I couldn’t keep the car that Hudson had bought me. I’d need to leave that with him. That was another cost I would have to prepare for.

I could talk to Linc about my getting a job once he felt more secure about me not being with Stevie all the time. In Nashville, she’d had a sitter who came to our apartment and stayed with her two days a week, and the other three days, Hudson had childcare at the office. Three of the ten women who worked there used it for their younger children. He’d put it in place after he asked me to work full-time and I explained I didn’t have full-time childcare and couldn’t afford it.

Taking a deep breath, I tried not to think about all that he’d done for me. It would only add to the other heaviness I was carrying. I picked up my phone to check the time. It was almost eight, and Linc wanted to leave at eight thirty.

Slipping my phone into my purse, I made my way over to Stevie’s room. She needed to get dressed and have some breakfast before we left.

Her bedroom door was slightly cracked. I’d closed her door after checking on her over an hour ago. I hurried across the hallway and pushed it open to look inside. The bed was empty.

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