Page 45 of Dangerous

“Fuck, that feels good. Where did you learn to do that?”

I ignored his question, not wanting to bring them verbally into this time because they were already with me, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When his hips started to speed up, pumping his dick faster through my hand, I bit my lip. Was he going to get off like this? Was this all he was wanting? Was he going to leave me hanging like I’d done with them? Was it possible for me to go find someone to finish me off like they did, when they received pleasure from each other later, after their time with me? Or was I going to have to take care of myself? It was that last thought that scared me. I didn’t know how to do that. I didn’t want to do that. Not here. Not when I didn’t trust all the people around. So, I did the only thing I good, I asked for what I wanted. “Fuck me, please, J…”

I turned the J sound into a moan, trying to hide it. Ethan stopped his moving, making me worried that he’d realized whatI’d almost done, but then he was moving my hand away as he rolled on the condom. Prayers of thanksgiving and rejoicing left my heart as he dropped back to the bed and crawled between my legs.

“Are you wet?”

I nodded, sure that I was since I’d always been with Jason and Jarrod. He held his upper body over me, allowing us to look between our bodies to watch as he lined himself up with my opening.

Then he pushed in.

Fuck.

He was bigger than the finger Jason used. And that one he hadn’t inserted very far. Ethan pulled out and then rammed in. A sharp pain had me gasping for breath as tears stung my eyes. I batted my eyelashes furiously to keep the tears from falling. I wasn’t going to let him know that this was my first time. Not when he never even asked.

He stilled briefly, allowing me to catch my breath, and then he started to move again. In. Out. A little swirl. I climbed, but it wasn’t like the other times. I had nothing to compare it to, nothing to help me along. Then I remembered how Jason had used his tongue on my clit while his finger was in me. And Jarrod had used his fingers there to help me to come.

Not caring what he thought, because I needed to release the tension inside me, I slid my hand down my body until I reached that spot. And then I rubbed it, trying to remember the rhythm Jason and Jarrod had used. One of them had to work.

“Fuck that’s hot. Do that. Show me how you touch yourself.” Jason and Jarrod talked to me. Even Peter did and we’d only kissed. But when they talked, it seemed to make things better. But not with Ethan. Hearing his words turned me off. To keep up I had to restart, re-envision my memories.

“Katy. Fuck. I’m gonna come. Are you close? I don’t know how long I can hold out. You feel that good.”

Almost glad this was coming to an end, I lied, telling him I was almost there. And when he stiffened over top of me, letting me know he was coming, I moaned out loudly and tried to use my muscles to squeeze him.

He pulled out and rolled to my side. “We’ve got to do that again.”

I nodded and watched as he carefully pulled off the condom. Then he climbed from the bed. “Stay there, sweetie. I brought us a damp cloth to clean up with.

32

Katy/Katherine

After taking the facecloth back from me, Ethan climbed into the bed next to me. “That was amazing. We need to do that again. And if you don’t want to make our fake relationship real, I’m good with a friends-with-benefits situation. I’m sure as we head towards finals and graduation, we’re going to want the extra stress release. I know it will help me as my training ramps up and as I fight for a starting spot.”

“Um, yeah…” Before I can finish, I feel him roll over and go to sleep. A good thing because I didn’t know what to say. Instead of feeling all relaxed and sated like I normally do, I feel empty, dirty, and incomplete. It’s almost like how I felt after my assault, but I don’t feel violated or betrayed like I did then. Instead of wanting to shower, to scour my skin to remove any trace of him, I want to curl up and cry. What had I been thinking? Why had I done that?

When I sat up and Ethan didn’t stir, I decided to leave. I’d promised mom that I wouldn’t drive if I’d had anything to drink, but I was going to break it. I didn’t think those few mouthfulswould really affect me, but I’d take my time getting dressed and drink the rest of my water before making sure I was safe to leave in my car. If not, as much as I hated to, I’d call them to come and get me.

Thankfully, by the time I was dressed and had drunk my water—and then emptied my bladder because the need was great—I felt completely fine—from the alcohol at least.

I managed to sneak out without seeing any of my friends. There hadn’t been any paper or pens in the room, so I figured I’d send Ethan a message when I reached home, letting him that I’d needed to leave and had been safe.

But instead of pulling in my driveway, I pulled into theirs. My only thought was to get to them. To see them. Them. They were the thought.

The lights were on, spilling through the small cracks where their curtains weren’t fully closed. That was good. It meant they were still up, so I wasn’t about to wake them up. I didn’t bother to knock on their door, knowing that Liam was probably asleep. I pushed it open and walked in.

“Katy? What are you doing here? I thought you were at the party.” Jason walked toward me from the kitchen.

“And why are you crying.” Anger tinted every word out of Jarrod’s mouth.

Crying? What was he talking about? I lifted my hand to my cheeks, and it came away wet. I guess he was right. I was crying.

Hands gripped my shoulders. “Baby Girl, talk to me. Tell us what happened. Are you hurt anywhere? Did someone do something to you?”

Words and thoughts bubbled inside me, but they couldn’t escape. There was something blocking them and I didn’t know what it was.

The sound of a door closing cut through everything. Heavy footsteps drew closer. “Katy? What’s going on? Why are you here?”

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