Page 43 of Dangerous

30

Katy/Katherine

“Happy birthday, Katy. I can’t believe my little baby girl is eighteen and a legal adult. Only yesterday, I was bringing you home from the hospital. Your dad drove so slowly because we didn’t want to jostle you going over any frozen clumps of snow.”

I rolled my eyes even as I grinned at mom. She told me the same story every year. “Thanks mom. And it’s because of his careful driving that I’m making straight As in all my classes. No brain rattles for me.”

She chuckled. “Yeah, I’m not so sure about that. Your brain might have been safe that day, but I remember how your dad drove when he first came home after being overseas for six months. We were both being thrown around even with our seatbelts on.”

This time her chuckle was strained. I know that those years were hard ones on my parents, but I never knew why. Whenever I asked, they quickly changed the subject which usually amounted to dad taking me out for a dessert while momwent to the bathroom to take a long bath. It was that way until I finally stopped asking. Even now, all these years later, mom might mention that time, but then she’d shut down.

“I’m glad we were able to celebrate on the weekend since they desperately need me at the hospital. This flu that’s going around is hitting everyone. Even staff are being taken out since it’s a strand that wasn’t thought to be a big concern this year. Even with me coming in, we’re still going to be short staffed, and the ED will be packed to overflowing.” She grabbed the lunch I’d packed for her last night, since she’d been called in yesterday, too. “Have any plans for tonight?”

“There’s a party tonight. And my friends were bugging me to go since I haven’t gone to any so far since Erik has always been away for them.”

“No driving if you drink, right? You can stay at the barn. That’s why they fixed it up that way.”

I nodded. After my experience last year with the punch, I doubted I’d drink anything except for water. That was an experience I don’t want to repeat.

After mom left, I climbed back into bed. For the first time, my birthday fell on a PD day, giving us the day off. I needed the day, some time for myself. Christmas had been busy, but exciting since it was our first one with Liam. He was still a little young to truly get into the spirit of things but seeing the look of wonder in his eyes as he saw all the lights and then the toys. It made Christmas new and fresh again. But even with two weeks off school, I never had any time to myself. I never had a chance to just sit and be with my thoughts.

And there was lots I needed to think about.

One thing that came from our little dustup at the Christmas Festival was a thought that wouldn’t leave. Maybe I’d thought of it before and discarded it, but I didn’t think so. The most likely scenario was that I thought it and then pushed it away, knowingthat it was too deep for me to handle then. Being honest, I doubted I was ready to handle it now, but I had no choice. Not if I wanted to settle things between Peter, Jason, Jarrod and even Ethan.

Sex.

That was the big topic. And with never having had a boyfriend before or even a first kiss until Jason gave one a year and a half ago—crap, I was lame and slow compared to all my friends—I had no experience. All my experience came from them, from Jason and Jarrod in particular. And even that was miniscule, having only touched Jason’s dick once—and I’d needed his help to do that.

But that wasn’t the case for them. They were experienced. Really experienced. One of the reasons they gave me for why they weren’t going to hold me back was that they wanted me to get experience. Experience like they did.

Would having sex really change things? Would it help me to decide if I wanted to make my fake relationship real? Would it make me feel like I was on an equal footing with them? Or was it all nothing to worry about?

These thoughts kept swirled around in my head in never ending circles. I tried to organize them, to examine each one individually, to make pro/con lists about them, but nothing helped. Instead of things becoming clearer, I could swear that I was even more confused. Finally, I gave up. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have got out of bed to find something to eat. And since I’d already lost weight in the fall—and still hadn’t gained any of it back—from all the stress, I knew I could go a whole day without eating.

Ethan: You coming tonight?

Ethan: I want to spend time with you.

Ethan: We can go somewhere quiet, just be us two.

Since I’d told mom about the party before I spent all day thinking crazy thoughts about sex, I couldn’t exactly back out. If I didn’t go and mom found out, she’d want to talk about why I hadn’t gone. That would be a conversation I didn’t want to have.

Katy: Yes, I’ll be there.

Katy: Somewhere private would be nice.

There. That way I could say I went, but I wouldn’t have to party.

I parkedmy car in a spot that hopefully be easy to leave from no matter when I decided to flee. That was my mindset going in—perfect for a party. I was talking about leaving in terms of fleeing, like I was going to be chased away. But knowing the type of people these parties drew, being chased might be pretty accurate.

“Hey Sweetie.” Ethan pulled me into a hug. The PDA was nice as it calmed my nerves, but it spawned more questions. Why did he hug me? I couldn’t see anyone around outside. And people inside didn’t tend to look out because there were too many interesting things to see inside. Between people drinking too much, the fights that occurred, the hook ups, for people who were somewhat sober, this place was a treasure trove of rumours just waiting to be spread.

He laced his fingers with mine as he pulled me inside. “I grabbed us a room upstairs and brought up some snacks, but I thought we could bring up the drinks together since I wasn’t sure if you’d want any more of the punch.”

“Ha Ha. I can tell you that punch is tasty. You just need to know that one is more than enough.”

“So is that a yes or a no to the punch.” He winked. If I looked at him dispassionately, without any of the feelings stuff mixed up in it, I could see what everyone else was talking about. I’d thought before that he was hot, but it had meant nothing to me. I’d been too wrapped up in Jason, Peter, and Jarrod to really take it in. He wasn’t overtly muscular like Jason, but he had muscles. Lots of them. And he had model looks. I could easily see him gracing the cover of sports magazines and as the model for different companies that sponsored his team. I might not have seen him play soccer due to his injury, but to have his high-level team, keep his place, while he was off, to me, said something about his value to them.

---