Page 34 of Dangerous

Peter waited, letting me take my time. Liam chose that minute to fall sound asleep in my arms.

“Let me put him down in his crib. Then we can talk undisturbed.” He lifted Liam from my arms, rubbing his back to burp him as he walked away.

Before I was ready, he returned, taking a seat a little closer to me. Close enough that I could feel his body heat without himtouching me. I pulled strength from that closeness and began to explain. “Ethan asked me to go with him to the dance.”

He nodded. “And you want to go with him. Or is it that you don’t want to go with him?”

“Both.” I shrugged as a small, borderline hysterical chuckle left my mouth. “I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go, but all my friends are so we planned it as a group event even if people are bringing dates.”

“So, it’s the date part that has you worried?” He didn’t wait for me to confirm or deny, knowing his question didn’t really need an answer. “You should go with him. He’s a nice guy.”

“B-but aren’t you a chaperone?”

“I am and if you’re worried about how I’ll feel, seeing you with him, don’t be. I see you every day with him.” He took my hand in his. “When we told you that we wanted you to experience the things we got, we meant it. That means that we might have to watch you going out with other people.”

“B-but won’t that hurt? Make you jealous?” That’s how it made me feel and I’d hated every moment of it.

He took a deep breath. “Can I be honest with you, Katy?”

I nodded. I always wanted him to be honest even if it hurt because dishonesty hurt more. The honest wound was like a cut from a knife. It hurt but would heal in time. But the wound from dishonesty was like being cut by a knife dipped in poison that didn’t have an antidote. The wound never healed correctly as the poison kept popping it back open.

“It won’t be easy, but I’d survive because all I want is your happiness. I caused this mess between us and if I have to hurt a little so that you’re happy, I’d gladly pay the price. It’s the least I can do.” He squeezed my hand. “Now what else is on your mind because I know that’s not all of it?”

“You’re right, it’s not all.” I wanted to pull my hand away, knowing that I shouldn’t take comfort from his touch when I toldhim the rest, but I couldn’t make my hand move. I needed his touch. I’d missed it so much. Maybe if I were older, I’d handle all the things about Liam in a better way but wishes weren’t fishes. I couldn’t just scoop one out of the water with a net. Instead of releasing him, I gripped his hand tighter, staring at the difference in colour between our skin tones. “Ethan wants me to be his fake girlfriend to appease his parents and to be a barrier for him from the girls at school.”

“And how do you feel about that?” He used two fingers to lift my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “I know your heart, sweetheart. You always want to help. And if you’re worried about me, us, about how we’ll handle it, don’t. It’s the same as with the dance. We’ll figure it out.”

“Are you sure?” I couldn’t help but ask, needing the confirmation. I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting or what I’d dreamed to have happen. Had I wanted him to fall on his knees before me, begging me not to do it because it would tear his heart out? Or had I wanted him to get angry, to yell at me, telling me about how worthless I was and how he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore? So, this answer, confused me. It was mature, thought out. And made me fall a little deeper in love with him. Craptastic. I was so screwed.

“I am. You helping him will make you happy. And your happiness is all I ever want.”

“B-but it hurt me to watch you with others. And this would be every day. You’d have to see me with him.” My words were almost angry as if I wanted him to fight me on this.What the fuck is wrong with me?

He cradled my cheek in his hand. “Of course it will hurt. I’ll want to rip his hands from you. I already feel that when I see you with him, but this is right. This is something you need to do. I don’t ever want to control you, to make you feel pressured. You hold the power here, with us. All I can do is be the support youneed, giving you the freedom to spread your wings, and hope that one day, your wings will fly you back to me.”

And then, despite the break-up? the pause on our relationship? he kissed me. A sweet, gentle kiss that branded my soul. It was filled with love, with compassion, with courage, and most importantly, with understanding.

That’s when the tears fell.

25

Peter

Ipulled Katy onto my lap to straddle me while I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. All the while hating myself for what I’d done to her, to us. I wished I’d pulled my head out of my ass earlier and admitted my feelings for her. Even if I’d never acted on them, maybe I wouldn’t have been so reckless. But that was the only part I regretted, the recklessness and the carelessness of her feelings from my self-centred actions. The other part, holding myself back from acting on my feelings, that I couldn’t regret. Even now, the fact that she’d pulled away from me, from us, was almost a relief. Without that barrier of denial, it was so hard to keep myself in check. Already there were a few instances where Greg had given me awhat-the-fucklook. Thankfully, he’d brushed them off, not demanding to know more since he’d heard the same comments from other students that I’d heard when she was near us.

Those instances, as much as I hated that she was experiencing them, gave me a credible reason for why I was so concerned for her, why I was so close to her. There effectswere potentially so devastating that Greg had started to look out for her, checking in on her to make sure she was handling everything okay. He’d even come to her defence when the school councillor had questioned about whether or not she should be calling Katy in to ask abouther pregnancy. I hadn’t needed to say a thing because Greg tore a strip off her, telling her to use her brain since I was the biological father of Liam and since Katy had been involved with cheerleading activities right up until the end of school which was after Liam had been born. Once Principal Kostiuk’s heard about the incident, she was ordered to leave Katy alone unless I or Greg to him that we thought she needed some extra help.

Although Greg may have decided he wanted to help her since she continued to provide him with a selection of baked goods whenever she made a large batch. Of anything, that’s what I was truly jealous of because Greg was good looking, nice, and younger than I was. Plus, he didn’t have the crazy history with her that I did. He’d be a great guy for her if there wasn’t the pesky law about her needing to eighteen and no longer a student. But then, if there wasn’t that law, then I wouldn’t have been in this predicament. A philosophy question for the ages. And that was a course I hadn’t enjoyed.

As much as I hated her tears, my body relaxed at the feel of her in my arms. I missed this so much. There was truth in the old adage about you never know what you had until it’s gone. That’s how I felt. As much as I loved Katy, I don’t think I truly understood just how much I appreciated her until she wasn’t there for me whenever I wanted or needed. Just another example of my self-centredness.

Fuck. I’d been so stupid. But I knew that now and I was already working hard on changing. It’s why I wasn’t rushing to fix things with her. I was still fixing it by showing her through my actions that I was still here, that I appreciated everything shedid, that I appreciated her. I just wasn’t forcing her to accept more of me then she was ready for.

So, as she silently cried, I held her, rubbing her back and stroking her hair like I’d do for Liam. And yes, I pressed the occasional kiss to the top of her head, too because I couldn’t not do that.

Over time her body stilled and when she didn’t respond to my softly spoken call of her name, I’d known that she’d fallen asleep. It wasn’t the first time that she’d done that, and I prayed that it wouldn’t be the last. Not that I wanted her to have more tears because I didn’t. I just wanted to be the one holding her when she fell asleep in the future.

The front door opened, admitting Jason and Jarrod who were quietly talking. Those were two other problems I needed to deal with because neither one of them was acting completely normal. Something was bothering them, and it worried me that they weren’t talking about it. But now wasn’t the time. Not when Katy slept in my arms, catching up on the sleep she’d been missing.

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