Page 16 of Dangerous

12

Jason

“Baby Girl.” I pushed open the door to the nursery with my arm since I carried a large piece of chocolate fudge cake on a plate in one hand and a freshly made root beer float in the other. Comfort food that I knew she’d want after her conversation with Peter that had her rushing to the bathroom and then the nursery as soon as it finished. And he’d let her go. A true testament of his growth since he hadn’t followed her, giving her time to herself.

So now it was my turn to try and work my magic. When Peter wasn’t around or when he’d been the cause of her hurt—both of those happened too many times to count—I was the one she turned to. And if I was lucky, I was also the one she would turn to when neither of those scenarios had occurred.

“How are you doing?” I asked as I put the root beer float on the nightstand before crawling up onto the bed next to her. Wanting to coax a little smile from her, I waved the chocolate cake under her nose. “You know you want this.”

She took it from my hands, allowing me to pull her to my side, wrapping myself around her. But it was when she leaned her head on my chest that the tight band constricting my heart relaxed. “I’m okay. I already knew everything anyway because I invaded his privacy and read the letter she wrote to him.”

To anyone else, Katy probably sounded like she was telling the truth about being okay, but I wasn’t just anyone. I knew this woman better than I knew myself. I’d held off starting a relationship with her as long as possible, wanting her to grow and experience things like all her friends, like I’d done, but after everything that happened last summer—including what Peter had done which had spurred me into moving across the province to be hands-on for the project—I hadn’t been able to hold back any longer. It’s why I knew she wasn’t as okay as she said she was.

“It’s okay to be upset with him. It’s a lot to take in. Jarrod and I struggled with the idea, but the three of us talked it out. We spent hours discussing how it would affect our relationship how we wanted to deal with it.”

She took a bite of the cake, and I hoped she used the time to think about what I said. It had been a shock when Peter told us. Children were something I wanted, and I’d been ready for. It’s why I’d slowed down on my partying over the past few years. I’d been ready for a serious, life-long relationship with the guys. And Katy because after all the women I’d been with, she was the only woman I wanted. It made me realize that if I was to have any hope with her, I couldn’t be the manwhore I’d been. Also, I hadn’t wanted this exact scenario to happen and cause problems between us. Unfortunately, Jarrod and Peter had taken longer to reach this conclusion. And ironies of ironies, despite all the changes I’d made in my life, I was living what the scenario I hadn’t wanted. Only I wasn’t the bio-dad.

“So, you knew… and you didn’t tell me.”

The defeat in her voice had me yanking the cake from her hand, to place it on the nightstand as I pulled her to straddle my lap, facing me. I tipped her chin up with my index finger, so she had no choice but to look at me. “It wasn’t like that Baby Girl. I knew about him sleeping with Debbie. It’s why I had to leave. I was so angry and disgusted with him and his selfish actions that I needed time away to make sure that we could still have a relationship. But I didn’t know about the baby. Not until the weekend we were away. Peter told us how he’d screwed up and how she’d come to see him, telling him about the pregnancy and wanting him to marry her. I didn’t keep anything from you.” I stopped because it wasn’t completely true. “I mean, yes, I didn’t tell you about his sleeping with Debbie but, you weren’t together then. So, his actions weren’t really important in your relationship like they were with mine. As for Liam, you knew before I did.”

As much as I wanted to kiss her lips, to show her how much I loved her even if she was hurting over something one of the other guys in our strange relationship did, the complete trust in her eyes held me back. I never wanted to betray that, so I satisfied my need by pressing a kiss to her forehead. I let my lips linger there, wanting to infuse her with all my love, comfort, and a sense of safety.

When I pulled back, she collapsed against my chest, wrapping her arms around me, holding me like I was her lifeline. It was the same way she held me when I’d taught her to swim. She’d been so scared of drowning that she clung to me, squeezing me tight until I almost couldn’t breathe. It was the same thing now, making more of that restrictive band around my heart loosen.

I rubbed my hand down the back of her head over her hair, continuing down her back before starting over again. The long,slow strokes helped to calm her heart that beat wildly against my chest.

“It’s okay if you need time, Baby Girl. I needed some.” I reassured her. “But what I didn’t do was to pull away and stop talking. I knew that if there was any way to get through our problems, we needed to talk about them. That’s why I’m so proud of you for starting that process. I know it must have been incredibly difficult for you to hear all those things even if you’d read them, but you stayed. Please don’t pull away now.” If I had to, I’d get on my knees and beg her, but ultimately, I’d told her the power in our relationship was in her hands and I’d hold myself to that. I never wanted her to feel forced into anything since I was so much older than her.

She pushed up from my chest, loosening her grip on me. The action sent a shiver down my spine. What if this was a foretelling of things to come? Would we lose her over this? I mean, I knew nothing was guaranteed with her even though I knew how much and for how long she loved us, but that didn’t mean her feelings wouldn’t change as she grew older. And as much as I knew it in my head, facing the possibility of it happening told me that my heart wasn’t ready for it.

“I-I don’t know it I can.” She stiffened before trying to back off my lap, but I refused to let her go. I wanted her to know that even if she broke my heart, I’d still be here for her. That I’d always be here, always be her safe landing zone.

“What do you mean?”

She stopped squirming and some of the stiffness left her body. “I don’t know if I can handle it. It bothers me that Peter has a child, but only in the sense that it’s not mine. Yet when we were in Winnipeg shopping, people thought that I was Liam’s mother, and Peter went along with it.”

To me, I couldn’t see the problem with what she was saying. If anything, I felt it showed Peter’s growth and how deep he wasin with her. He’d promised us that he was all the way in, that he wouldn’t keep yanking on her and her emotions like a yo-yo. So, him treating her like Liam’s mom only proved that point. But somehow, someway, what happened had bothered her.

Her fingers toyed with the fabric of my shirt as she stared at my chest instead of in my eyes, but I didn’t force her to look at me. I wanted her to be able to tell me her reasoning and if that meant that she didn’t look at me than so be it.

“It’s… it’s that I’m only seventeen. I’m not ready to be a mom.”

I released my hold on her hip so I could cup the side of her face. Her concern was very real, and I understood it. At seventeen, heck at twenty-five I hadn’t been ready. No matter how hard I searched my brain, I couldn’t come up with a way to alleviate her concern, but I needed to try. “You don’t have to be his mom. Not until you’re ready. Remember, we told you that we’d be taking this relationship at your speed, whatever you are comfortable with. Liam already has three dads. He has more parents than most kids. So, it’s okay not to be his mom.”

Silence hung between us as she digested my words. Since chocolate has always helped her to think over difficult things, I handed her back the chocolate cake. After three bites, when she filled up her fork the next time, I opened my mouth and waited. She chuckled as she teased me with the fork filled with cake, like one would with a toddler to get them to eat something knew. But when I used my puppy dog eyes, she rolled hers and let me eat the piece of cake. Yet she couldn’t hide the smile that popped up.

As soon as she finished the plate, I placed it back on the table and pulled her close again. “It’ll all be alright, Baby Girl. I promise.”

I held her until her body relaxed. After so many years, I knew her moods, knew how to read her body for signs of what she was feeling, and everything about her screamed that she was ready tobolt, ready to hide herself away. The lack of sleep and exhaustion that came from caring for such a young baby while working didn’t help.

“Sweetheart, let me stay with you tonight. Let me hold you and comfort you, let you get the rest you need. Liam is in the bedside bassinet so Jarrod and Peter can look after him. If they need any help, they can come and wake us, but you need a night of uninterrupted sleep.” As I spoke, her muscles stiffened, and I worried I’d scared her away. But with each continued pass of my hand over her back, her muscles relaxed, becoming pliable again.

“That sounds nice.” The slurring of her words with exhaustion confirmed I was doing the right thing. If pampering her helped, I’d do it, and so would the guys. Anything to keep her here with us without clipping her wings or making her feel trapped. Loved, valued, respected, yes, that’s what we wanted to feel with us.

She pushed away from my chest, but when she struggled to climb off my lap, I helped her, lifting her off me and helping her to stand while I climbed off the bed behind her. I pressed my lips to her forehead. “Go get ready for bed while I take the dishes back to the kitchen. Then I’ll come back and join you, okay?”

She chewed on her bottom lip, and I held my breath. I wanted to make sure that her earlier consent had included me staying with her. As I kept telling her, everything happened at her pace, at her comfort, and while she usually welcomed us into her bed or ours to sleep, she’d been opting to stay in this room instead of ours—although she had allowed us to spend the night with her to help with Liam, but Liam wasn’t in here tonight.

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