Page 14 of Dangerous

“Thank you for this.” Peter ran his hands through his hair, letting me know how unsettled he was. Any other time, I would have been jumping to give him comfort, but this time I didn’t have any to give even if I really wanted to… and even that was up for debate. “I wouldn’t have even known where to start, I mean, what do I even pack for a trip to Winnipeg. Without you here, I’d probably just leave, not bringing a diaper bag or anything.”

“I’m sure you would have figured it out.”

“No, I wouldn’t. I couldn’t do any of this without you.” He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into a quick hug as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. It was brief as if he knew I wasn’t comfortable, but it was something he couldn’t resist. And as he released me, bending down to pick up Liam in his car seat, I couldn’t help but reflect on what he’d said. Had there been an extra emphasis when he said he couldn’t do this without me? What did it mean? And how did I feel about it?

“After you,” he said, holding open the house door. I followed his command and settled into the back seat of the SUV beside Liam. Being next to him for the two-hour drive would be a welcome distraction from my thoughts because I really wasn’t ready to examine them yet.

“Well,aren’t you the cutest family. Your son is a beautiful mix of you. Now what can I help you with?”

I searched the area around us, looking to see who the saleslady was talking to only to discover it was us since there weren’t too many other people in the store.

“Thanks. I think so, too.” Peter released one hand from the nearly empty shopping cart and wrapped it around my shoulders, drawing Liam and I to his side. “As for what we’re looking for”—he motioned to the nursery furniture displays—“we’re looking for nursery furniture. We didn’t pick up any before he was born, preferring to wait to see what we really needed.”

I stared up at him surprised that he hadn’t corrected her instead of continuing to play into her misconception. Did she really believe we were a family? I guess that to an outsider whodidn’t know how old I was, seeing a man, a woman, and a baby, in a store, together, one would naturally assume that they were a family. That knowledge bothered me for some reason, but not wanting to examine it now, it became just one more thing I shoved deep inside me.

“Did you have a specific colour scheme in mind? Or were you looking at natural wood tones?”

Peter looked at me for help and I couldn’t stop the soft grin from climbing on my face. When it came to interior design, Peter sucked. The items he’d originally suggested to furnish his house when he’d been renovating it still left me with nightmares. Other than suggesting specific types of items, the design and colours had been completely chosen by Jarrod, Jason, and I.

“I was thinking natural wood. That way, a convertible crib would easily grow with Liam.”

The saleslady nodded as her smile grew. We followed as she led us deeper into the store, extolling the virtues of the various furniture lines they carried. After examining their displays and deciding on which pieces he needed for the room, we moved on to look at car seats, and then strollers.

“I thought you said we needed more clothes and things,” Peter asked as we exited the baby store with the new car seat, stroller, and a few specialty items. The rest of the furniture would be delivered in two days time from their warehouse.

“We do, but Liam will need to eat soon and since he’s going to outgrow his clothes so quickly at this age, it’s cheaper to purchase them somewhere else.” These were the only words I felt comfortable saying. Not when I couldn’t explain why I felt uneasy every time someone mentioned how cute my son was or what a sweet, young family we were. These were things I’d dreamed about so why did it bother me now?

It shouldn’t have. Not when I knew what happened when people didn’t think we were a family.

When we’d first arrived at the store, I’d needed to use the bathroom after our long drive. From the time Liam was placed in Peter’s arms, he’d screamed at the top of lungs, drawing the attention of numerous female shoppers. Once they realized that Peter was a single father, they’d all offered to help comfort Liam—and his father. I’d had to wade through them all to get to the little boy who was nearly inconsolable, skin reddened and puffy with tears streaming down his face. But the moment he heard my heart under his ear, his cries slowed, giving me a wobbly smile until he fell asleep again, safe and sound in my arms. It’s why I’d held him the entire time we’d been shopping.

“Then let’s go feed our—my—son.” He gave me a sheepish look as he helped to strap Liam into his car seat.

I ignored Peter’s mention of “our”, relegating it with all the other topics I didn’t want to think about. Instead, I focused on the idea of food. “And feed me, because I’m starving.”

As he closed my door, he laughed, and of all our interactions since his return, making him laugh was the first one that didn’t hurt my heart.

11

Peter

With Marie having switched to night shifts, it made it easier for Katy to spend those nights with us, helping us to settle into taking care of Liam. But with Marie soon to be switching back to days, I knew the easy time of having Katy with us without anyone asking questions was coming to an end. It’s why, despite being more exhausted than I’d ever been before which caused me to be a little short tempered, I needed to finally have the talk with Katy that I’d been avoiding.

Or at least that is what Jason and Jarrod informed me when they’d asked me for details about our original talk. When I explained that she’d told me that I didn’t have to say anything becausesheknew, they’d laughed their asses off.

“How exactly do you think she found out about everything?” Jarrod had questioned one night after Katy had gone to bed the moment Liam had conked out.

I’d shrugged, but Jason wasn’t having any of it. His questions had been pointed. “So, she knows about your waterpark hook-up, and the one at the hospital? And she’s okay with it all?”

When I didn’t have an answer, he’d taken both my hands in his and stared me directly in the eyes. “You need to be completely honest with her. She needs to know it all. If we have any hope of a long-term relationship with her, there can be no more secrets between the four of us.”

And he was right. Secrets had nearly destroyed my relationship with him. I couldn’t allow them to be the reason we—or maybe just me—lost Katy.

Yet each day she’d stayed with us; I pushed it off with easy excuses. Things like my lack of sleep, having to get up at all hours, never sleeping longer than four hours if I was lucky, played havoc with my mood. Being moody and short tempered was hardly conducive to having a heart-to-heart conversation.

But as each day passed, I felt her opening a distance between us.

For the first few nights, I’d understood her reasoning for sleeping in her old bedroom, now nursery. Both Jason and Jarrod had busy schedules, filled with important meetings that they couldn’t put off so waking them up each time Liam woke up, disrupting their needed sleep wouldn’t have been considerate. But after those first few days, both managed to ease their schedules enough that they started taking turns, learning Liam’s nighttime routine. Yet Katy continued to sleep in her old room instead of with us, saying our room was too far from Liam in his new crib even with a baby monitor. So yesterday, Jason had driven into the city and purchased a bedside sleeper that we set up, allowing Liam to sleep in our bedroom. We’d even purchased a second bottle warmer and made a secondary changing station on one of the dressers so that we wouldn’t have to leave the room when he woke up during the night.

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