Page 10 of Dangerous

“I’ll eat a little now and then more when he’s done, while we’re talking.”

Marie’s mouth tightened at Katy’s comment, but she let it go. A surprise because Marie wasn’t usually one to back off from disagreeable subjects. Yet in this case, she was taking her cues from Katy even if she didn’t like it.

After swallowing the rest of his sandwich, Jason cleared his throat, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “We had a great weekend away. It was nice to relax, unplug, and just laze around after working so hard this year. Next year we’ll have to bring you with us. A treat for all your hard work that you’ll put in to graduate.”

“Maybe. It would be nice to get away for a little bit, to leave all my cares behind even if it were only for a few days.” The bone-deep weariness in her voice concerned me. It reminded me too much of how she’d shut down after what happened to her at the waterpark last summer. She’d played off her quietness as being out in the sun too much, but she’d been shutting down before my eyes. I might have missed the signs back then, but I wasn’t about to miss them now. And I wasn’t the only one.

“Katy-bear, you’re looking really tired. Are you feeling sick?” When she didn’t answer, Jason continued, “Why not give the baby to your mom to watch while you go take a nap?” He turned to Marie for backing and agreement.

“Unfortunately, Liam has attached himself to Katy and won’t go to anyone. He screamed so much during Dr. Bishop’s exam of him yesterday that he started throwing up. Dr. Bishop was ready to admit him until Liam calmed down the moment Katy picked him up.”

“Yesterday? How long have you been babysitting him? And whose baby is he anyway?” Jarrod poured a glass of water and handed it to Katy before adding some of the vegetables to Katy’s plate.

My lungs froze in anticipation of the answer. I knew what they’d say, but deep down a tiny, fledging sprout of hope wavered in the parched land. It was that hope that kept me quiet. If Katy didn’t know about the possibility that I’d fathered a child, I didn’t want to break that news to her in front of her mother. Not when I couldn’t take her in my arms, comforting her while I apologized for being so stupid.

“Katy!” The harshness of her mother’s tone jolted Katy. Liam, the baby, stopped drinking and cried out in shock. Katy swiftly adjusted him, placing him against her chest with his head by her shoulder, but that didn’t stop him.

“Let me.” Jason reached over and lifted Liam out of her hands as he stood. The suddenness of the movement stopped the crying, sending a ripple of shock through everyone if the looks on their faces could be believed. To an outsider watching this tableau play out, I’m sure they would have been laughing their asses off at the way we’d reacted, but I couldn’t find anything funny about this situation. Not when everything hung in the balance.

Katy’s shoulders slumped as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her slim, delicate shoulders. The look of hurt and pain in her eyes had me clenching my fists over my inability to go and comfort her. Not with her mom in the room.

And that was a copout. I knew it. Her mom being around had never been a factor before. We might not have stayed overnight in their house with her mom home or let her mom know that Katy usually didn’t sleep in the bed in her bedroom at my house, instead sleeping cuddled up in our big bed with us. But hugs, cuddles, comfort, yeah, we did that—or maybe only Jason truly did that since I couldn’t really think of the last time it had been me—in front of her mom all the time.

Since I couldn’t—or wouldn’t—react to her need, gratefulness filled me when Jarrod wrapped an arm around her shouldersand pulled her to his side. “You need rest Kitty-Kat so tell us about Liam and then you can. He seems to like Jason. Who knew the big bear would have a way with babies?” He flashed his joking smile at her and, it pleased me to see her lips flash a small smile.

She glanced over at me. Her eyes spoke volumes even if I couldn’t really understand what they were saying. But I gave her a little nod and a partial smile, anyway, trying in my own way to lend her some support. She fiddled with the remaining sandwich on her plate, picking at the crust as she drew in her courage and although I tried to brace myself for it, I still wasn’t ready once she opened her mouth and began to talk.

“Early Saturday morning, I heard a noise and went outside to investigate. That’s when I found this little guy in a basket… on your doorstep with an envelop addressed to Peter. Inside was Laim’s birth certificate naming Peter as his father and paperwork from his mother, giving up all her parental rights.”

Fuuuccckkkk.What had been an abstract thought—me having a child—was now a reality in everyway possible. Jarrod and Jason glanced at me, catching my eye and reassuring me that they were with me on this, but could they really be? During the weekend away, we talked about what it would mean—me having a kid—but none of us envisioned this scenario. None of us thought about the child being dumped off at our house and me having sole custody. We’d definitely need to discuss this new aspect tonight, once all the information was known.

And once I’d come to terms with it.

I mean, it had been hard enough to wrap my mind around the idea that I might have fathered a child, but then to see the child, and now being told that I’d be the fulltime father… of a baby… fuck that. This was so far out of my wheelhouse that I couldn’t even imagine where to begin to even process it.

Yet as I stared at Jason, holding my son—holy shit, I have a son!—something settled inside me. This baby needed me. Liam needed me to step up to the plate. He was depending on me for everything.

I’d made a promise to myself this weekend that I’d start being the man I was raised to be, that I’d stop disappointing my dead parents. To turn my back on Liam, well, that wouldn’t be keeping with my promise. So, no matter how rough it was going to be, no matter how scary the prospect, looking at him, at this tiny human being, I knew I needed to step up. Take that first real step into manhood.

I rose from my chair and walked around the table. It had been years since I’d held a baby, but I still remembered the lesson Dr. Nelson—Katy’s dad—gave me the first time he placed her in my young arms. I held out my hands to Jason. “Let me hold him… my son.”

I couldn’t stop the emotion from making my voice quiver. Not when I could see my eyes looking back at me. My eyes. My dad’s eyes. Outside of a mirror, I hadn’t seen them in another human in years. Tears clouded my vision.

The hum of conversation surrounded me, but I paid no attention to it, utterly focused on the sweet-smelling baby in my arms. I did this. I helped to create this perfect little human. My knees shook at the thought. I was no longer responsible for only me. I now had a little person, a baby, who depended on me. And even though I might have thought I’d come to terms with the idea earlier, it was nothing compared to the weight of that responsibility that rested on me now that he was in my arms.

“—help you bring the supplies over.” Jason’s voice broke through my fascination with my son—not sure if I would ever get over saying or thinking that.

“Supplies? What supplies?”

Marie chuckled at my inane question. “Babies comes with lots of equipment. Katy and her friend went to Winnipeg on Saturday and picked up some of the items you’ll need because he was dropped off with almost nothing. So, you’re stocked for the next few days with formula and diapers. They grabbed a few changes of clothes, a body wrap carrier, and a baby bath plus all the required creams, shampoos, soaps, and laundry detergent.”

My mouth hung open. How did someone so small require all those things? And only for a few days. What the hell? Something of my thoughts my have been visible on my face because Marie scoffed even as I asked, “What more can a baby need?”

“Oh, this is going to be fun.” Marie rubbed her hands in glee. “You’re going to need a car seat because right now, I have an emergency loaner signed out from the hospital. You’ll need a crib, change table, lots more clothes, blankets, diapers, toys, bottles, the list goes on. Katy has the printout we give to expectant parents to help them prepare their nursery. She’ll give it to you.”

If I’d thought the responsibility was enormous before, I was wrong. Who cared about making sure my son would grow up to be a productive member of society? That was a future problem. Right now, I needed to figure out how to get through to the next day.

Liam started to cry and squirm in my arms. Why was he crying? Was something wrong with him? In my panic, I nearly dropped him which only made my panic increase. “Someone help, please.”

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