Page 50 of Disorderly

As for Jarrod, while I still had a weekly supper with him and Peter, his schedule was as busy or busier than mine since it was tax season. It meant that we never got to spend a significant amount of time alone, creating a distance between us that I could never remember having before. Then again, I’d never been around him during tax season so this could have all been normal. At least that was the rational I told myself whenever I noticed that he wasn’t himself.

But still I worried. When I’d been struggling after he first moved here, he’d told me how he liked to have everything organized to keep himself calm. Yet sometimes when I went over to their house to drop off some food, nothing was put in its correct place. At those times, it looked worse than when Jason and Peter lived together. And then other times when I dropped by, I swore that Jarrod had gone into organizational mode on steroids. Things didn’t just have a proper place, labels appeared along with even more organizational items like baskets and containers. One day, I opened a drawer in the desk of my old room, looking for some pencil crayons to colour in a map for one of my projects and I found that he’d placed them all in a row, alphabetical by name and colour in a custom sized container. Once I saw that, I could no longer deny that something was going on with him. And since Peter ended up being a teacher chaperone for a spring break trip, it gave me the opportunity to corner Jarrod without worrying that we would be interrupted by anyone by Jason. And Jason would be a welcome interruption.

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you go on the school trip.” Mom kissed the top of my head as she passed by where I sat at the kitchen table on her way to grab the bowl of ham and corn chowder, I’d made for lunch along with a sourdough bun I’d purchased from Bun’s by the Bay that morning while she slept. “I’d really hoped that we’d be able to take our vacation, but…” She shrugged as she slipped into her chair with a sigh.

“It’s fine, mom. I didn’t even ask to go because it didn’t interest me.” While spending a week away with Peter would have been awesome, hanging around with all those students, being under their watchful gaze, it wouldn’t have been fun. Besides, Peter would have been in ultra-teacher mode, knowing that people would see if he treated me with the familiarity that he used at home. And to be honest, I wasn’t always that keen onteacher Peter. He acted like he had a stick stuck up his butt in the hallways even if I heard that students loved being in his class because he made English class fun. Not that I would know since he’d never been my teacher.

“Yes, but I hate leaving you home alone so much. You’re growing up and soon you’ll be leaving home. I’m not ready for that.” Her eyes glistened, making mine match.

I sniffled. “Mooom, it’s not like I’m graduating this year. I still have another year of school to go.”

She chuckled as she dabbed her eyes with a napkin. “That’s your youth talking. One year is not long at all even if it seems likeforeverto you.” I rolled my eyes at the way she stressed the word “forever” as if she was on some teenage movie from the eighties. “But I do wish I’d been able to take more time off instead of just a couple of days. At least we’ll have fun during our girl’s trip to Winnipeg. I managed to get us tickets to watch the Winnipeg Jets.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Good.” She glanced down at her watch and her smile faded. “This is amazing”—she pointed to the soup—“but I’m running late. They called me in to help cover the evening shift as well as my night one.”

“It’s all good, mom. You go get ready and I’ll pack you some of this up for your first break and add it to the bag I made with your supper.”

She stood, pushing her chair back under the table once she’d moved away. “Thanks, sweetheart. You’re the best daughter I could have, always spoiling me and the others I work with. So, while were in Winnipeg, I have some surprises lined up to spoil you.”

I snagged her arm, pulling her into a hug as she walked by me. “You already spoil me so hopefully these surprises will spoil you as well because you work too hard.”

She patted my cheek, giving me a soft smile. “You’re more like your dad every day. I’m so glad to know that his spirit wasn’t lost from this earth when he died.”

And then she walked out, leaving me with burning eyes as I refused to cry. Instead, I focused on putting together mom’s dish of soup, throwing in some extra for the other nurses she was working with. By the time I had everything packed and ready for her to take, she was dressed in her scrubs and already putting on her winter coat and boots.

When I handed her the bag, she kissed me, thanking me. “Are you staying home alone tonight?”

“No. I was thinking of going over to Jarrod’s and watching movies. Then I’ll just crash there.”

A relieved sigh left mom and the pinched look on her face smoothed. “Good. They’ve been talking about an increase in crime again, so I’m glad they’ll be someone else with you.”

And then she was gone, off to work, leaving me to clean up before I headed to Jarrod’s, making sure I’d have enough time to prepare the supper menu I planned for us. I’d hoped it was enough to get him to relax enough to tell me what was bothering him.

A couple of hours later, the front door opened at Peter’s. “Mmm. It smells great in here,” Jarrod called out. The exhaustion in his voice hurt my heart. Even with all his hours spent working, he shouldn’t have sounded so tired.

While I reached for a beer from the fridge, the rustling sound of him removing his coat, boots, and scarf had me rushing to welcome him home properly. I held out the drink to him while wrapping my other arm around him in a hug. “Welcome home.”

He hugged me back and I soaked up his closeness. It had been too long since we had time like this. Time where we could just relax and not worry about all the things that weighed on us. I almost hated to push him to tell me what was bothering him, but I knew it had to be done. But first we’d eat because food always spoke to our souls, soothing them.

Yet as he released me, kissing me a quick pec on the cheek, the smile he gave me seemed almost weary, as if he wasn’t too sure about my presence here. I shooed him to go change out of his business clothes as I headed back into the kitchen to prepare our plates.

I worked, paying the bare minimum to my tasks as my brain spiralled into self-doubt. Was he just tired or was it me? Was it me and our relationship? Did he regret it, not want it anymore? Was I not enough? Or maybe I was too demanding, adding stress. Ugh.Don’t do this! You’re not the issue. Jason loves you. He says that they do to. Trust him.Yet even as I admonished myself, other voices, other doubts crept in, counteracting everything I said.

“This really looks and smells amazing.” Jarrod pulled me from my internal struggle as he slipped his arms around my waist from behind, nestling against my back as he pressed his body into mine. This time the kiss he pressed to my temple, to my cheek, and finally my lips as I turned my head to face him were filled with warmth and loving. These were the kisses I’d been missing. And with each one, I could feel how his muscles loosened as the tension oozed out from him.

“Mmm, you taste good. I almost don’t know what I want first: you or your amazing food.”

I smacked his chest as I chuckled. “Food first. You’ll need the energy.”

The most beautiful sound in the world followed my statement. His laughter was light and free from worry. A sound that I hadn’t heard since Christmas break. It was amazing the difference now that I’d heard both versions of his laughter.

“Okay, food first. But let’s eat on the couch so we can snuggle a little as we do.”

I handed him his plate of food and before I could pick up mine, he snagged it, leaving me with just my drink to carry.

Supper was quiet. Only the soft sounds of the movie playing in the background broke up the sounds of our forks scraping up the food. But it wasn’t uncomfortable. Instead, we spent the time just soaking up the feeling of being with each other. Even I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time. Other than the worry for Jarrod that lingered, the tightness in my chest dissipated, leaving my lungs with an ease to breathe that had eluded me since Christmas.

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