Page 5 of Disorderly

Unease filled me at the thought of heading into the food area, but I pushed it down. I’d already come this far; I could go further and get food. Not alone, but with Jarrod at my side, I could definitely do it.

Not that I had the chance to completely challenge my resolve. The pop-up banners ended up proving more difficult to assemble than Jarrod anticipated until I discovered that he was missing an entire bag of parts. After a quick trip back to his SUV where I found the bag had fallen into a hidden compartment that he didn’t even know was in the trunk area, the banners came together quickly, leaving us enough time to venture out to one of the closer snack stalls instead of the full food truck area. With Jarrod keeping a hand on me all the time—either by holding my hand, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, or, my favourite, by pressing his hand against the same of my back, brushing that sliver of bare skin with his caressing pinkie—it kept my newfound demons at bay. My confidence soared at all my successes. Maybe I could do this. Maybe school wouldn’t be an issue on Tuesday. And just maybe, I’d be back to my old self.

Those thoughts carried me through as the people started to enter the tent. For a small town of our size, we’d never had a true accounting firm before. Sure, we had a few accountants—ones who worked for the municipal government or lived here but worked elsewhere—but most people who required those services ended up going to Winnipeg, making Jarrod’s booth a draw.

When too many people were in the tent at once—five, the number was five not including Jarrod or myself—I ducked down behind the table where I’d been standing, handing out the pens, keychains, and other giveaway items. I pretended to search the boxes for missing items until my breathing rate normalized.

A smile graced my lips. I’d done it. I’d stopped a panic attack before it began. I’d been social, telling people they could take the items and asking them to sign up for their newsletter. All without flinching. I was proud of myself. Jason had been right. This was just what I’d needed.

With another check in my win column for the day, I stood. The number of people in the tent wouldn’t bother me, I vowed. Not when I was riding the high of relief and giddy from my success.

As each minute past, I stopped worrying and began to interact more. Instead of just my simple lines offering them the free items from behind the table, I stepped out in front and began to talk with them, asking about their families, their crops, and all the other small town, small talk I’d grown up with. But when Sasha and Deena stepped into the tent, my smile tightened. How they knew I was here, I wasn’t sure, but it was obvious from the way their gaze searched the tent until they spotted me that they did.

“Katy, girl, why have you been ditching us?” Sasha wrapped me up in a hug from behind, surprising me. I hadn’t even seen her move from the front of the tent. Under her touch, my body stiffened as anger washed through me. Hot burning anger. Yet even as I felt it, I knew it was irrational. Sasha never harmed me. Neither did Deena, but my brain equated their leaving with the attack. Something my Shelly warned me about. She even practiced a couple of coping mechanisms to handle the anger and not let it interfere with my friendship, not that I could recall a single one.

Deena grinned at me before tossing her blonde hair and letting her gaze roam over Jarrod. “We won’t be upset if you were ditching us for him. And if you aren’t doing him, then I call dibs.”

The absurdity of her statement shocked me—it shouldn’t have, but it did—releasing my anger in a huff. “Deena, I’m not doing him. And neither are you.” Just the idea of her with him had me seeing green. It was one thing to watch him with women I didn’t know—like the party where I watched him screw two women—but with one of my friends… not going to happen. “Besides, he’s my new next-door neighbour. He lives with Mr. Evans. They’ve been friends since university.”

“That just means I can come over to your place and flaunt my body before him.” Deena ran her hands down the side of her body, showing off her figure.

I glanced over to Jarrod, wanting to see if he watched her. When my gaze connected with his, he rolled his eyes and shook his head, bringing a grin to my face and some relief to my soul.

“Anyway,” Sasha interjected. “We want you to come with us. We’re all meeting up to go on the rides, eat our fill of truck food, and then watch the concert.”

I bit my lip unsure if I could handle it. Now that I was no longer worried about Jarrod falling for my friend, my earlier anger returned. Muted, but still there.

“Katy, can I talk with you for a moment?”

Somehow, he knew. Knew I needed a moment, a rescue. And if I hadn’t already beencrushing on—read love—him for years, that would have done it. I motioned to Deenaand Sasha, asking them to wait before I walked across the tent to Jarrod. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me outside, out of their view.

“I know you’re worried about going with them, but this is the perfect opportunity. If you need a break or start to panic, you can send me a text. Or you could even pretend like I texted you, needing your help.”

“Are you sure I can handle it?” My voice sounded whiny and needy to me. Not my normal with him, Peter, or Jason so long as I wasn’t talking about my feelings towards them. Or examining the reasons behind my earlier clothing choices. This lack of confidence, questioning of every interaction was just another thing those jerks left me with. And I hated it.

“You can do this.” He placed his hands on my shoulders, giving them a little squeeze. “And it will make going to school easier. Just give it a try. For me?” He stuck out his lower lip and batted his eyelashes, making me laugh.

He was right. It would make going to school easier. Therapist Shelly suggested the same thing. “Fine. I’ll do it, but if I need you—”

“I’ll come running.” He pressed another kiss to my cheek.If he keeps kissing me like this, it’s going to hurt so bad when he hooks up with his next conquest.Not that I would stop him from kissing me. Each one made me feel wanted, desired, cherished. Things I needed right now. And if I ended up getting my heart broken in the end, a few innocent kisses wouldn’t make a difference.

He dropped his hand to the small of my back, lending me some courage as he led us back into the tent.

“Well, girls, it looks like Jarrod doesn’t need my help right now. So I guess I’m all yours.”

Twin squeals ripped through the air. Craptastic. Was I doing the right thing? And that was as far as my second guessing went because the girls wrapped their arms around mine before dragging me from the tent, calling out their thanks to Jarrod over their shoulders.

And when turned my head towards him, mouthing “help me”, he chuckled.Chuckled.I glared, but that only made him laugh harder. So much for being my knight in shining armour. Guess I was on my own with the girls. For better or for worse. At least it would be a good trial for when school started.

Chapter Four

Katy

“So how wasthe rest of the day at the water park? We’ve been wanting to know, but our stupid migraines kept us in bed for two days and then you never called us back.” Sasha’s voice carried a hint of hurt which, despite my lingering anger, tugged on my heart.

A hurt I understood. This town had been my home since birth, never having lived anywhere else. A town where my grief and loss over my dad’s murder played out front and centre before everyone. My classmates saw it all, my heartache, my sorrow, my fear, and panic. They watched it all as I lived it. And by all, I mean almost everyone who was in high school with me. Sure, some kids had moved away over the years and some new ones were added, but the bulk of them remained. I knew almost everyone in my grade and they me.

But through it all, there’d been Sasha and Deena. They hadn’t abandoned me when I pulled away. It’s why it made this situation so difficult. For the first time, they’d left me when something bad happened. Even if it wasn’t by their choice. They were also the only other people I’d ever confide in. They knew everything about me. Or at least the things I’d share. I never told them about mycrushon Peter, Jarrod, and Jason. Not that they didn’t suspect it because they knew me, but I never confirmed it.

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