Page 43 of Disorderly

Crap-f’ing-tastic! I’m just royally screwing up everything.

So, despite having been so excited to have Jason home, the drive back to my place was nearly silent as I retreated into myself. But even though I was spirally, he never let go of my hand, drawing little circles on the back of it to let me know that I wasn’t alone. That he was with me.

And I loved him for that.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Katy

Jason pulledhis truck into the driveway. He glanced at my dark house. “Your mom working evenings or nights?”

“Evenings, but if someone calls in sick…” I shrugged.

“Then let’s go to yours.” He pushed open his door and jumped out before racing around the truck to open my door, helping me out.”

“Won’t Jarrod and Peter be worried, wondering where you are? I know they missed you, too.” He kept me in his arms, refusing to put me down as he crossed the snow-covered path that had developed between my house and theirs.

“I got home earlier than expected so I spent some time with them before coming to get you. But when they suggested going out to Strönds, I declined, telling them I’d probably go to bed after picking you up.”

He pulled out his key and opened my door, turning on the hallway light as he carried me inside. With gentleness that belied his large, imposing, and somewhat scary body, he pulled of my boots and removed my winter clothing. “Let’s get you something to eat and drink, then we can curl up on your bed and talk or watch a movie.”

I nodded, feeling too wiped from the flashback to put up any type of fuss. Not that I would have anyways because lying next to him in bed sounded pretty good anytime.

He chuckled as he kissed my forehead. “Go put on some comfortable clothing and I’ll bring the food.”

When he swatted my butt to get me moving, I smiled and a soft chuckle escaped, cutting through the blahs I felt.

“That’s more like it,” he said against my neck, letting his lips brush against the skin there before turning my head so he could kiss my lips. And when he pulled away, leaving me dazed, he smiled. “I’ve been counting down the days and minutes until I could do that again.”

“Me, too,” I told him before I climbed the stairs to my bedroom. Mom wouldn’t be home until close to 11:30 so we had a few hours together and I planned to make the most of it before I’d have to share him with everyone else.

In my room, I pulled out my one-piece body suit pyjamas in blue and took it into the bathroom to change. It wasn’t sexy, but it was warm and cozy which was what I really wanted.

By the time I changed, used the bathroom, and washed my face and hands, Jason was in my room, relaxing on my bed with a tray of finger foods. Two tall glasses of what looked like root beer stood on my bedside table.

“Nice Pyjamas.”

A blush rose on my cheeks as I smoothed down the fabric. The body suit skimmed my body, showing off the hourglass shape that had become more prominent with all my time practicing cheerleading. “I know, they’re just—”

He cleared his throat as his gaze raked over me, setting off sparks all along my skin. “No, I really mean they are nice.”

“Thanks.” I watched as he licked his lips. The echo of him doing the same to me had me following his motions as I strutted with a new-found confidence toward him. It was hard not to feel beautiful, to feel sexy when he looked at me like that.

I crawled on the bed towards him, letting the top—of which I’d left the few buttons undone—hang open, giving him a peek at my unrestrained breasts. He grinned up at me with darkened eyes, but his gaze kept dropping to the view I presented him. “You’re a dangerous little minx, Baby Girl.”

“Me?” I tried for innocence, but I thought that the breathy quality of my voice might have ruined it. Not that he seemed to mind if the growing bulge in his jeans was anything to go by.

“Yes, you.” He reached out, grabbing me by my biceps to pull me across the bed onto his lap… sideways to my disappointment. But then his mouth covered mine, parting my lips as he pushed in tongue in. A moan tore through my lips. The spicy, salty taste of salami burst into my mouth, telling me he ate a piece or two while making up the food tray.

“Mmm, you taste good,” I told him when he released my mouth to lick down the curve of my neck.

“So do you.” He punctured his words with small bites back up my neck to my ear. “And as much as I want to savour you as a meal, I want you to eat and drink a little after what happened earlier.” He used his fingers to grasp my chin, tilting my head until I couldn’t do anything other than stare at his face. “I’m really sorry. If I’d been quicker to move out of her reach, you wouldn’t have had the flashback.”

I lifted my hand, pressing my fingers over his mouth to keep him from talking. “It’s not your fault. If anything, I’m the one who’s sorry. If I were stronger, watching someone touch you shouldn’t have triggered me. And I should have been able to control it better, never letting it get to that stage.”

“Nonsense, Baby Girl.” He held up a piece of cheese wrapped in the salami to my lips. When I went to grab them, he shook his head. “Let me.” I opened my mouth and allowed him to feed me piece after piece. And when I was thirsty, he held my glass up to my lips as well.

“Having flashbacks are to be expected, but over time they’ll come less and less.” I nodded, knowing all this. It’s why the one today took me by surprise. I’d seen other people get touched against their will and it never affected me that way so why today? And why did I have one when they’d stopped? “But they won’t ever fully go away. Sometimes, when you’re not expecting it, something will trigger them. It’s not a weakness. It’s just the nature of trauma. And I’m guessing your reaction to it was because it took you by surprise. You weren’t ready. Probably thought they were all gone.” He raised an eyebrow as he met my gaze. I nodded again even though I knew I didn’t need to answer as he already knew. He kissed the tip of my nose, giving it a little lick and breaking the tension. “Next time it happens, it won’t be such a surprise and you’ll be able to control the panic. Or maybe not, but that’s all okay. I promise.”

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