Page 42 of Disorderly

As I continued to dress in my winter gear, Mason talked with Deena, Sasha, and Kailee. The four of us were heading over to the community centre where we’d been given rooms to organize and pack the hampers in preparation for delivery over the next week.

“Speaking of the holidays, you’re coming to Danny’s New Year’s Eve party, right?” Kailee nudged me in the arm. “Everyone is going. And with a couple of Danny’s older brothers’ home for the holidays from university, all their friends will be there as well.”

“It’s being held in the old barn at his uncles that his older brothers and cousins cleaned up and renovated for parties,” Deena added.

“So, the party?” Kailee nudged me again. This time hard enough that I stumbled, dropping my backpack as I grabbed the locker door to steady myself.

“Not sure.” I shrugged. With mom working, I’d hoped to spend the night with Jason and Jarrod, and Peter, too, although since I was hoping for kisses and more, Peter would only cramp my plans unless miracles of miracles happened and he all of a sudden declared his love for me. I nearly snorted at the thought. If he did that, I’d probably faint, smacking my head hard enough that I’d be rushed to the hospital to become a patient of Dr. Muir’s from my amnesia. Because of course, I wouldn’t be able to remember the amazing event that led to me knocking myself unconscious.

“But you, and your mom”—Mason added as almost an afterthought—"will come over on Christmas Day, right? Mom’s been begging me to make you because she wants to spend more time with you. She’s missed your visits this past month with everything you’ve been involved with.”

From the way Mason spoke, it sounded like I, and maybe my mom, had already agreed to the plan which was a surprise to me. I couldn’t even remember if I’d ever heard him mention coming to their house on Christmas Day. In my head, we were doing what we usually did—or what I did even if mom was working—and spending the day with the guys. For as long as I could remember, we’d always spent most of Christmas Day over at Peter’s since neither mom nor dad had any family. And since their deaths—dad, Uncle Bob and Aunt Judy or as other people called them, Mr. and Mrs. Evans—we tried to keep the tradition alive. It made the day seem a little less sad.

“I’m not sure,” I answered honestly. “Mom and I haven’t had much of a chance to talk between our schedules.”

“Well, I know mom’s planning on a huge spread. I believe she even invited Mr. Evans and his friends.” He made a face as if to complain about a teacher being there, but I ignored it, glancing at Peter instead. He gave me a quick jerk of his chin, letting me know that Mason spoke the truth.

“Oh, well, then I guess I’ll be there.”

Mason wrapped his arm around my shoulders as he dragged me down the hall with the others following, leaving Peter behind to do whatever he needed to prior to leaving the school for Christmas break. “Don’t sound so happy about it. I might begin to think that you don’t want to spend time with me.”

I rolled my eyes as Kailee mumbled behind me, “If she won’t, then I will.”

Thankfully, as Mason opened the main door, a blast of cold air flew in, taking our breath away. It kept the walk to the parking lot, blessedly silent as we found our cars. I really hadn’t wanted to address Mason’s joking comment because I did want to spend time with him. I just didn’t want to spend it the same way I thought he wanted to. I wasn’t about to become another one of his conquests and I wasn’t looking for something long-term with him. Once we reached Deena and Sasha’s car, I waved at Mason before climbing into the back with Kailee.

Now that we were in the car, I allowed myself to get excited. By the time we finished preparing the boxes for the weekend’s deliveries, Jason would be there to pick me up and I couldn’t wait.

* * *

Tiredness vanished the moment I lifted my gaze to the door of the packing room and found Jason, standing there, leaning against the door jam with his arms crossed in front of his muscular chest. One that was visible under the tightness of his Henley since his jacket hung open. His answering smile made my heart skip. Talking to him almost nightly didn’t make up for not seeing him, touching him for weeks on end. And while I was so happy that his company was being included in such a major project, I’d be happy when it was over, and he could be around more. That way we could indulge in more stolen moments together.

“I think your ride is here, Katy,” Deena sing-songed, making the other girl’s laugh.

“Maybe I could get a ride… on him?” Kailee wiggled her eyebrows as the others continued to laugh. I wanted to shout out that he was mine and to leave him alone, but I couldn’t. Our relationship was legal, but I doubted that would stop the rumours. And I’d never put Jason in that position. Instead, I gritted my teeth and kept my mouth shut.

One of the older girls who were helping, scoffed. “He wouldn’t touch a young girl like you. He needs a real woman like me.”

As I watched Sophie saunter across the room to Jason, swaying her hips, and twirling her hair, I fisted my hands and planted my feet to keep from racing after and punching her. I’d never liked her from what little time I’d spent with her, knowing she only volunteered to look good or to lord herself over younger girls, yet I always cut her some slack since she did manage to gather some extra donations from guys who normally wouldn’t be donors. She tended to use her body, flirting for them, but whatever. If that’s how she wanted to go through life, I wasn’t about to judge. But seeing her make a play for Jason, having to watch her as she tried to put her hands on him, triggered something dark in me.

But when her hand landed on chest, mine froze in response. All I could see were hands on mine. I could see the slight dark hairs against the tanned skin of the wider and bigger set of hands which contrasted to the smooth, more slender fingers on the second set. I could feel how they moved on me, hear the words their voices whispered in my ears over the sounds of the crowd at the waterpark. They’d pressed against me, touching me, making me feel dirty.

“Breathe with me, Katy. You’re alright. You’re not there.” Jason’s hands stroked down my arms from my shoulders to my hands before he placed one of them flat against his chest, allowing me to feel how his chest moved with each inhalation.

“What’s wrong with her?”

“Why isn’t she responding?”

I could hear Deena and Sasha’s frantic questions. I wanted to answer them, to tell Jason I was okay, but I couldn’t get my lungs to work properly. That feeling of being cornered, of not being able to escape, of being touched when I didn’t want to be still clung to me. But worse than that, now that I wasn’t lost in the memory, I felt embarrassed, ashamed. I hadn’t had a panic attack or a memory throwback like that in months. I’d thought I was all over it, all better. After all, they hadn’t done more than that, but it was still there. Still affecting me and I hated them for that.

Jason must have realized what set my flashback off because he crouched in front of me and leaned in, lowering his voice. “I’m okay. It wasn’t the same. She didn’t hurt me.”

I gave a slight nod as his words penetrated, loosening up the tight band that constricted my chest. I took in a deep breath and then another, relishing how the oxygen filled up my cells, clearing away the fog and haze of the memories.

He stood but kept a hand on me and his body pressed against my side as he turned to face my friends. “If you’re all done, I’m going to take Katy home? I think she’s just a little overtired from all the work she’s been putting in.”

“Of course,” Mrs. Bishop, the wife of one of our older doctors in town, agreed. As her wise and piercing gaze examined me, I couldn’t help but lean in closer to Jason. It had been natural for her to jump on board with my initial initiative years ago because she was the informal head of a group of older women who helped patients when they were released from the hospital. Making meals and then later adding some babysitting to my volunteering for them is how we’d met. Well more than her being the wife of a doctor that my dad had known. “She’s been working so hard, it’s no wonder she’s tired. Go home, take a rest, dear. We’ve got the rest covered. With the work you’ve done along with your friends tonight, we’re ahead of schedule.”

With a nod of gratitude and a wobbly smile for my friends, I let Jason gather up and help me into my winter gear. He carried my backpack and took my hand, leading me from the room as I told my friends, I’d call them later. They nodded in understanding, but I could still see the worry in their eyes which only made me feel worse. I was keeping such big secrets from them. And that wasn’t how friends should act. I knew that firsthand which made the sneaking around I was doing with Jason and Jarrod behind Peter’s back all that much worse.

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