Page 37 of Disorderly

“You’re right I am protective of her because I love her—”

“I know you do. She’s like your little sister.”

I shook my head. “No. I mean I’m in love with her. And so is Peter even if he won’t admit it. But I can tell. He allows me to paint scenarios where she’s with us when I’m fucking him.”

“Shit.” He hung his head. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep, but I think I’m in love with her, too. She’s all I think about. I compare every woman I meet to her, and they all fall short.”

“I understand. I do the same thing. And you don’t need to feel sorry. You did nothing wrong so long as you didn’t push her or coerce her.” I held up my hand to stop the protest I knew was coming as his head jerk up with a burning anger in his eyes. “I know you didn’t do either of those things because she told me.”

“T-told you?”

“Yes, she called that night because she was worried.” His eyebrows rose and I knew my next statement would shock him, but maybe he needed it so that he understood how serious I was about not allowing her to get hurt. “Worried that she cheated on me.” His chin dropped and his eyes bugged out.

“Ch-cheated… but that… you… her…”

“Yes, we’re together. Or rather I’m hers. I’ve told her over and over again that I want her to experience being a teenager, to fall in love, to kiss many guys. I don’t want her to look back later in life and wish that she’d got to experience those things but didn’t because we were together. I want her to learn who she is and not be who she thinks I want her to be.”

He nodded, thinking about what I’d said. It wasn’t usual. Probably not even what would be considered normal, but I wasn’t going to clip her wings. There were so many stories about guys who groomed young women to be puppets or dolls, to be what they wanted, but that wasn’t who I was. I didn’t want a doll or puppet for a girlfriend. I wanted a strong woman. A woman who knew what she wanted. A woman who was fearless while at the same time a woman who showed compassion, who gave to others. In short, I wanted Katy. She was all those things and more. And I knew that as she grew older, grew in her confidence, she’d be even more amazing. I just wanted to be there, by her side, basking in the glory that would shine off her.

“I never thought of it that way, but that’s how I feel, too.” He shifted on the couch until he faced me. “Kissing her hadn’t been planned. It just happened. But that night and for the past week, I worried about how Peter would take it. How it would affect all our relationships. Not that anything has really changed between Peter and I since the whole kiss debacle, but we’ve, meaning the three of us, haven’t talked about what it means for our old rules. And kissing her wasn’t a one-time thing. At least not if I can help it.”

“It’s something we do need to talk about, but don’t mention Katy or the kiss to Peter. He wants her and at very weak moments has admitted it to me, but he quickly backtracks, saying it’s a fantasy, a dream that can never be because he’s a teacher. And I understand where he’s coming from, I really do, but I think what they have, what we all have together is so different than what the laws and professional guidelines ever imagined. But it means that I’m not wanting to push him or back him into a corner. So for now, I’m keeping our relationship hidden from everyone, but you.”

“So you really don’t mind that I kissed her?” I could understand Jarrod’s question. Over the years we’d shared a couple of women, but usually it was a group of women and the three of us, possibly a couple of other guys. It was purely sex and very different than what was going on between Katy and I and now Jarrod and Katy—hopefully.

I smiled until I thought my cheeks would crack. “Don’t mind at all. In fact, I’d hoped you would. It’s my dream for the four of us to be together, in a relationship. I know she loves us, and we love her. Right now, it’s just her age that’s stopping things, especially for Peter. So keep kissing her because I plan to.”

He nodded as the door opened admitting Katy and Peter. She squealed when she saw me, dropping her bag on the floor as she bounded across the room to jump into my lap. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close, allowing to breathe in my favourite smell in the whole world. But the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world to do, I couldn’t. At least not yet. Later, when we were alone, well, that was a different story. And I couldn’t wait.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Jarrod

“Glad to haveall your midterms over with? And most of your projects handed in?” I twisted the end of her braid around my index finger as we sat side-by-side on the couch waiting for our delivery from the new wood-fired oven pizza place.

Her body caved in on itself with the hugeness of her sigh. “Yeah, I am. Although it just means that things will get busier as we start to assign families to different sponsoring groups, gather the last of the donations, put the baskets together, and then try to shop for any missing items with whatever funds have been donated.”

“You know, I’m so impressed with all that you’ve accomplished. I remember Peter telling me how you started organizing the Christmas baskets back in elementary. Now look how far it has come. Think of all the families you’ve helped over the years. You’re amazing.” Her cheeks turned pink under my praise, but instead of withdrawing further like she used to do when she was the centre of attention, she puffed up, sitting a little straighter. It made my heart sing if that was possible. I loved to watch her bloom into the incredible woman she was becoming.

“Thanks, but it was and is a team effort. There’s no way I could do it all. But I am happy that so many people over the years have stepped up to continue you the legacy that my dad helped me to start.” She shrugged. “It always makes me feel a little closer to him, like he’s still watching over me and helping me.”

I released her hair to wrap my arms around her, pulling her against my chest. It wasn’t often that she spoke about her dad as the subject was still too hard for her six years later. But I loved it when she did. It revealed her level of comfort and safety with me, knowing that she could become vulnerable in my presence. “He was a great man. I wish I could have gotten to know him more, but from what I did, I know that he’s never stopped looking out for you.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled around her sniffles. Wanting to give her a little more comfort, I kissed the top of her head. She pushed back, pressing her palms flat against my chest. I could feel my heart race as she looked up at me. Her eyes glistened from her unshed tears, and in my mind’s eye, it only enhanced her beauty, making her look some type of goddess all lit up by some inner glow. “I really mean it. Thank you. And not just for what you said about my dad, but for all of it. I don’t know how I would have survived so far this year with everything that happened. You taught me how organization could help me control my panic attacks. You gave me a safe spot to hangout at your office. A quiet place, but where I wasn’t alone. And you gave me small tasks to do so that I didn’t feel like I was a pity case even though that’s exactly what I was.”

“You’ve never been a pity case.” I leaned forward to kiss her nose, but she tipped her head back, allowing my lips to land on hers.

I’d missed this. The feel of her plush, soft lips against mine. It had been a couple of weeks since I’d spoken with Jason and even longer since Katy and I had any real time alone. The few kisses we’d shared since that first time had been brief and far and few between.

I moaned as she slid her hands up my chest until they wrapped around my neck, playing with the short hairs on the nape of my neck. Needing her closer, I lifted her onto my lap, straddling her legs over mine.

To my surprise, when my lips parted a little with our kiss, she poked her tongue into my mouth. It was hesitant, like she worried I didn’t want it. Silly girl. Didn’t she know I’d never turn her down? Yet having her take the initiative like that only made the kiss hotter, reassuring me that she wanted this as much as I did.

Our tongues tangled, dueling to see who could learn the most about the other person. With her distracted, I used one hand to pull the elastic from her hair, weaving my fingers deftly through her braid, undoing it. I loved her long hair, but she wore it down so rarely that I never got to run my fingers through it like I wanted to. I knew it would be soft, but I hadn’t realized that with each pass, the scent of her sweet scent of her berries and vanilla shampoo and conditioner perfumed the area around us. It was a new combination that I’d purchased for her from Kate at the fall craft fair.

Using my hand on the back of her head, I tilted it, moving it until I could deepen the kiss. I wanted her closer. To swallow her within me because she was already branded on my soul. But as I leaned into her, bending her back a little, it brought her pussy over my hard cock. My eyes rolled into the back of my head at the contact. Fuck. I wanted to buck up into her, to let her feel exactly how much she affected me, but I couldn’t. She wasn’t some random hook-up. She was special and she deserved to be treated that way. So instead of buckling, I clamped down on my muscles and focused on the feel of her back against my hand and her tongue twisting around mine.

But I hadn’t counted on her. On her desire, her need. She rolled her hips, pressing harder on me, letting me feel her warm heat through the leggings she wore under her long sweater. A sweater I now wished was still covering more than her upper body since it had bunched up around her hips, leaving less material between us.

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