Page 25 of Disorderly

I wasn’t in control… and control was important to me.

I stripped off my sweaty clothes, taking the extra time to pick them up and place them in the laundry basket. At least doing that kept one part of my life in order. The shower called to me. After playing the game of touch football, I needed to wash up. I could only hope that pounding water would wash away all the unease and stress I could feel building within me.

With the hot water pouring down on my head, I pushed every thought from my head. There would be time to deal with everything later once I had time to calm down and think things through. Until then, I wanted to forget the whole incident.

By the time I towelled off and was putting on my jeans, I heard the front door open, admitting Peter. I wasn’t ready to face him, but I knew putting it off wouldn’t make it any easier.

“Grab a shower and then we’ll talk.” My words might have been short and a little gruff, but I patted his shoulder as I walked past him in hopes of giving him a little comfort.

He reached out stopping me. “I know I screwed up, and acted without thinking, but it was important.”

I nodded at his earnestness. I believed him. I knew there had to be something driving his actions, but what he called important might not be the same for me. “I know. But let’s talk after. Take your shower.”

While he cleaned up, I pulled the pork chops I had marinating, wanting them to heat up a little before Peter put them on the Bar-B-Q. I washed the potatoes, pierced the skin, and rubbed a little oil and salt on the skin. They’d go on with the pork chops. After that I made the salad, anything to keep my focus off our impending conversation. By the time I had everything ready and waiting, Peter exited the bedroom, wearing nothing but his jeans as he dried his hair.

To help us with our talk, I pulled out two beers and opened them before handing one of them to him. “Cheers.”

He clinked his bottle against mine and then put the bottle to his mouth, taking a big gulp. “Ahh. That hit the spot. Thank you.”

I tipped the bottom of my bottle towards him before taking my own sip.

“Krissy was pushing Katy to have her over to her house. She wanted to get closer to me. And since she’d already put her panties in my desk drawer, I knew I needed to act. Besides Katy looked so browbeat and weary dealing from dealing with all those girls that I wanted to protect her.”

“Sooo, kissing me was the answer?” I leaned back against the counter. The moment he said he did it for Katy, he had me agreeing with his actions, but I wasn’t about to let him off the hook too easily.

“It was the best thing I could think off at that moment. I knew it would keep the girls off her back if they all thought I was in a serious relationship with a guy.” His face broke out into a heated grin. “Besides, it was partially your fault.”

“How do you figure?”

His grin widened. “You pulled off your shirt and all the girls around drooled from how hot you looked.” He shrugged. “And I agreed.”

To my horror, I felt heat rise to my cheeks.

He stalked towards me, hooking his fingers in my waistband as he pulled me to him. “Are you okay with what I did? I know I should have asked you first. Not outed us to the community in that way.”

“Is this your way of asking me to go steady with you?” I tried to keep from laughing, but at his astonished face, I couldn’t keep it in. It’s often said that laughter is the best medicine, and I could agree. With each chuckle, the stress in my body fled, making me feel lighter.

“Yes, Jarrod. If that is what you want. I’m asking you to go steady.” He winked as he joined in on my laughter. “Realistically, we were already together, we’d just never said anything to each other or to others.”

I didn’t have a problem with Peter being my boyfriend. In fact, putting a label on our relationship would help settle the confusion and uncertainty I felt over what we were doing. It hadn’t been that way when we shared the condo in Winnipeg while we went to school, but once Peter moved back home, I didn’t feel as settled with what we were doing. I’d hoped it would go away once I moved here, but it hadn’t. Maybe I just hadn’t given it enough time. It’s not like neither of us had changed over the years even if we did still spend time together. But it was different. And not having Jason here enhanced the strangeness.

Or maybe it was all me. Peter didn’t seem to suffer from the same issues or concerns. Even now, while he said that it was no different than what we were doing, it sounded like he only kissed me to protect Katy. So did he really mean the kiss? Did he mean to claim me for our sake? Did he understand what it meant to me? To others? How they would view us. The assumptions they’d make.

Ugh. I was going round and round in my head, not getting anywhere. Maybe I needed to not worry about the reasons behind his public statement. Maybe I just needed to take him at his word. He kissed me because it wasn’t really different from what we were already doing.

I leaned forward, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. “Yes, I’ll go steady with you. Now go put on the Bar-B-Q. I’m hungry.”

“So am I.” He leered at me before releasing me and chuckling. As he turned around to walk away, I swatted his ass. “Hey now, be careful of the goods.”

I shook my head and waved him off. There was still a lot more that we needed to discuss, but I needed a break. And fuel. Hard discussions were always easier to be had on a full stomach.

* * *

After we finished with supper, I chickened out from continuing the needed conversation. It was all fine and dandy that I agreed to be in a public relationship… or had I? That was another thing we never discussed. How out and open were we going to be? Were we still going to play with women? Would we have to discuss each hook up first? And what about Jason? How did this affect what the three of us shared?

Fuck. We never told Jason. He needed to be told, but there was no way I could talk to him about it tonight. Not without talking everything through with Jarrod first. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Agreeing with Peter made things more screwed up than what was going on before for Peter.

I could feel my heart race as panic set in. Sweaty palms, difficulty breathing, it was all there. I grabbed the open fridge door when my vision when grey and shoved my head in deeper, hoping the cold air would shock my system.

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