Page 4 of Hope & Harmony

I've gone through with it—I'm at Seattle’s hottest live music venue, though the thought of mixing it up with the cool kids gives me hives. Probably because of the years of bullying I endured before finding my tribe of programmers in college.

I’m sucking it up, though.

All in the name of Hope.

Daniel, Jamie, and I hold our wrists out for the doorman to stamp, and then we’re granted access.

Holy crap.

With an eclectic mix of rock memorabilia and a thumping state-of-the-art sound system, this place feels worlds away from the algorithmic puzzles and code lines defining my day-to-day life at Hungry Llama Games.

“Dude.” Daniel looks around in awe. "I can't believe we're here."

I stand tall and try to muster some confidence. “Yeah, well, believe it. Maybe I’ll even talk to Hope."

After a shot…or two.

Except I’ve never had a shot in my life.

“There’s the bar. She’s the bartender, right? Let’s get a drink.” Jamie gestures to the back of the room.

“Yeah, okay…” My stomach seizes as we head in that direction. We’re nearly there when I turn to my friends. “I don’t see her.”

Daniel cranes his neck. “Maybe she’s on a break.”

Disappointed, I give my order to a buff guy in a mesh top. He hands us three beers and we turn toward the stage when a familiar-looking guy bounds to the mic.

“Isn’t he the guitar player from Less Than Zero?” Jamie nudges me.

I shrug, distracted. “Maybe?”

All I see isHope.

Not where I expected, though. She struts on stage, new guitar in hand, commanding attention through the sheer force of her presence. There’s something different about her. Gone are the flowing bohemian clothes. Tonight she’s a rock star wearing tight black jeans and a low-cut black tank top.

She’s even more beautiful under the spotlight.

My friends’ conversation fades into the background as I watch, transfixed.

Hope begins her performance. Within seconds she pulls the room into her orbit with her voice, which fills the space, soulful and passionate. The audience is rapt with attention, hooting and cheering after each song ends.

She belongs up there.

“Man, she’s incredible.” Daniel stares at her, slack-jawed.

Hope finishes her set to thunderous applause. She disappears behind the curtain for a bit, but fifteen minutes later walks right past us and takes her position behind the bar.

Jamie nudges me. “You’re up, Romeo. Go talk to her.”

I hesitate, my previous bravado shattered. She’s laughing with the two burly bartenders. One of them picks her up and twirls her around. I’m frozen in place.

“I can’t,” I finally murmur. The two words taste like defeat.

Daniel claps a hand on my shoulder, understanding. “It’s alright, Alek. There’ll be other nights.”

We quickly finish our beers and leave. The drive back is quiet. Ten minutes later, I’m lying alone in bed, crushed because I’ve let my shyness and insecurity define me.Again.

Sure, I managed to step beyond my comfort zone tonight. But, in the end, I choked.

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