Page 129 of Hope & Harmony

I nodded. “H-how is he?”

Huxley jabbed one black-tipped finger into my left bicep. “Unhappy. Fix it.”

“That’s why I’m here.” Curtis hadn’t been answering my calls or texts, so in desperation, I’d gone to Revolve when I knew Cole had a bartending shift and put myself at his mercy. Thankfully, he’d taken pity on me, and he’d arranged for me to come to the recording studio the 2Bit Princes had use of once a month. Their session was over, but Cole had told me they’d come up with a reason for Curtis to stay behind. They were placing a lot of trust in me by letting me do this, and I appreciated it more than they would ever know. “Thanks. I appreciate you giving me this chance, and I’m going to do everything I can to fix it.”

Cole’s expression softened. “Good. We like you, and you make Curtis happy, and I really don’t want to have to fight you. I did enough of that with this one.” He jerked his thumb towards Huxley, who rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, let’s not revisit our past history.”

My brows rose. “You two fought?”

Wrapping his arm around his boyfriend’s waist, Cole nodded. “It took Hux a while to fall for my charms.”

“What charms?” Huxley muttered, but when Cole pressed a kiss to his cheek, he smiled, and it transformed his face. He glanced over at me, then at the door Cole was propping open with his foot. “Go on, then. He won’t be waiting around forever.”

Right. “Yeah. Thanks, guys.”

“Second floor. Hopton Studios,” Cole called after me as I entered the building.

Breathing deeply, attempting to calm my racing heart, I made my way up the stairs.

When I entered Hopton Studios, I almost collided with the very person I’d come here to see, sidestepping him at the last second. Curtis came to a sudden halt, staring at me with wide eyes before they narrowed. “What do you want? How did you get in here?”

“I…” This was so hard. Licking my lips, I began again. “I wanted to explain. I can’t and won’t force you to listen to me, but I’d like a chance to explain. Please.”

He sighed heavily but stepped over to a large couch that was placed against the wall, taking a seat at the far end. “Okay. I’ll hear what you have to say, but I’m not promising anything else.”

Relief coursed through me, and I joined him on the couch before he could change his mind.

“I guess from your silence that you found out about?—”

“About the fact you gave me a false name? That the person who’d just asked me to be his boyfriend had a whole different identity as a fucking pop star? That?—”

“Curtis!” Before I knew what I was doing, I was sliding across the couch to him, placing a hand on his knee. “It wasn’t like that. I never lied about who I was— Fuck, okay, I didn’t tell you about Morningside. But I’m me. I’m Jaxon Messier. That’s my real name.”

His gaze slid down to where my hand rested on his leg and his jaw tightened, but he didn’t comment on it. “The things I read online said your name was Jay Bowman.”

“Yeah.” Running a shaking hand through my hair, I attempted to gather my thoughts. I’d never felt so exposed, so stripped back. Jay had been a persona to hide behind, but he no longer existed. “When I signed my contract with the record label, I was sixteen, and at the time, my mom called me Jay as a shortened version of Jaxon. She didn’t like Jax. So, uh, other people called me Jay too. Bowman is my stepdad’s surname. Our band was having problems…we were… Fuck. I signed an NDA, but I need you to understand. We’d been having problems for a long time, and it soon became clear to me that my mom was only interested in Jay Bowman, not Jaxon, and my stepdad didn’t—he didn’t—” My voice cracked. There was a sharp intake ofbreath from Curtis, and then his hand covered mine, so gently, his thumb stroking over my skin.

“Take as much time as you need.”

My gaze flew to his, and the hostility that had been there when he’d first seen me had disappeared. It gave me the courage to carry on, to bare myself to this man I was falling for.

“My stepdad wasn’t interested in me. Not like, anything bad, but he was apathetic, I guess. My mom, too. I was feeling so alone, and I didn’t know who else to turn to, so I reached out and reconnected with my dad. He was so supportive, right from the beginning, and I wished…I wished I hadn’t left it so long. He was the parent I’d always wanted but hadn’t known I had until things were falling apart.” Tipping my head back, I blinked away the wetness threatening to spill over my lashes, willing myself to stay strong and get the words out. “He flew out to New York and stayed with me for a while, and after experiencing his unconditional support, I decided to change my name. Messier was on my birth certificate, and I reclaimed it. Then I came to the UK, stayed with my dad for a little while, but eventually I wanted—no, needed to be alone. To learn how to be me. Jaxon Messier. It probably sounds crazy, but I wanted to get to know myself. I’d been caught up with Morningside for so long, and I’d never had a chance to be an adult and just…just do my own thing.”

“It doesn’t sound crazy.” His voice was soft. “I can’t imagine what it was like for you, but I can understand you wanting to find yourself. It must have been a lot to deal with, especially if you’d been in the band since you were sixteen.”

Turning my hand under his palm, I slid my fingers between his, so we were properly holding hands. “I don’t want to sound ungrateful, because I did enjoy being in the band. At first, it was everything I’d ever dreamed of, but I guess I became jaded. Tired of being ‘on’ all the time. I started becoming more reclusive, Iguess, outside of everything we were contracted to do. Troy—he was the lead singer—wanted a solo deal, and the rest of us wanted out. Our popularity was waning, and I think by the end we’d all had enough.”

Curtis met my gaze again, and this time, I could see the hurt he’d been trying to hide. “I understand why you didn’t tell me who you were at first. We were strangers, after all. But why not tell me after? You asked me to be your boyfriend, Jax. You said you trusted me. But that clearly wasn’t true, because you kept all this from me.”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Idotrust you. The more time I spent with you, the harder it was to say anything. I’d been hiding this huge part of me, and then more and more time passed, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to lose you.” Blinking rapidly, I bit down on my trembling lip. “But I lost you, anyway.”

“Jaxon.” Releasing my hand, he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into him. “You didn’t lose me. I shouldn’t have ghosted you, but I needed time to think. I was angry and hurt, but look.” Gripping my chin, he stared into my eyes, and it felt right then as if he saw me.Me. “When you asked me to be your boyfriend, I told you I wouldn’t put any pressure on you. I understand what you’re saying to me, and although I’m not going to lie and say you didn’t hurt me, I can understand why you did what you did. But would you have ever told me?”

“Yes.” My voice came out as a choked whisper. “I was going to tell you before I asked you to be my boyfriend, but I was so scared you’d leave me. I know it was wrong, and I wish more than anything that I could turn back the clock and do it differently. I just…I didn’t know how to tell you after so long. But I swear, I would have told you. I hated hiding it from you.Hatedit. I trust you, and I know you wouldn’t betray my trust, but I was just so scared that I’d lose you once I told you the truth.” Againstmy will, a tear fell from my lashes, and he reached up, gently catching it on his fingertip.

Leaning forward, he brushed a soft kiss over my lips. It was over before it had really begun, but it was enough. It was hope.

---