Page 86 of Dirty Player

All the hope that my super optimistic personality had conjured on the drive here vanishes. I’d convinced myself that Mom was overreacting and that when I arrived there’d be good news.

“Is he...” I can’t finish the sentence.

Mom bursts into tears.

Oh shit.

I lead her over to a seat, feeling numb, and we sit holding one another’s hand. I have so many questions and want to tell her about tonight.

My father might be dying right at this moment.

How could I have been so foolish and not told them the truth?

I don’t want to have this regret.

Nor do I want him knowing I’m the type of girl who cheats. His own daughter.

“You need to prepare yourself, Kaylee,” Mom says after a moment. “I’m not sure he’s going to make it.”

My face crumples and I twist my head, dropping it to her shoulder.

“Mom, don’t say that.”

Grief completely overwhelms me.

Don’t die, Dad.

Please don’t die. Not yet.

“He’s a fighter.” I lift my head, and we stare at one another. “He has to live, Mom.”

She nods, looking more and more grief-stricken by the moment.

“Stupid Thanksgiving.” I snap, getting angry suddenly. “All that food. We should have just not done anything this year.”

She takes my hand and squeezes. “Darling.”

Images of his funeral and the house without him being there fill me. My mom on her own. Our lives empty...her heart breaking.

My guilt consuming me.

Having to walk away from Levi because I can’t live with myself.

“Mom, he can’t die.” I sob.

“He might, sweetheart,” Mom whispers. “He’s given up recently. For him, changing the way he lives is just too hard.”

I stare at the ugly white wall with all the stupid medical posters and want to rip them off.

Give me my dad back.

Where is the damn doctor?

Why is it taking so long?

My phone beeps and I ignore it.

“He can’t die,” I say softly to no one, and Mom’s fingers tighten round mine. Suddenly I face her. “He can’t die, Mom. I need to tell him something.”

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