Page 46 of Falling for the Forward

“It’s clothes!” Olivia says as she shakes a box.

All three girls are dressed in Grinch pajamas that Suki picked out, and she’s wearing matching ones. Charlotte’s hair is freshly pink after a trip to Suki’s hairstylist the other day. Olivia is getting tall and looking more like her mom.

I wish Rachel could see her daughters and know they’re doing okay. Better than okay. They’re good. They’ll never stop missing her, but they smile more and cry a lot less than they did when they first moved in.

That’s because of Suki. She’s glowing with happiness as she watches them. She’s beautiful and sharp and funny, but the wayshe nurtures all of us is every bit as attractive to me as the other things, if not more.

She laughs at something Charlotte says and I smile just looking at her. I didn’t plan on developing feelings for her, but I have. When I’m on the road and I lie down in a hotel bed, I wish she was there. I fantasize about her, even when she is beside me in bed.

I thought I was just sex-deprived at first, but the truth is, I don’t want any other woman. Suki wears my jersey to games and has my ring on her finger. She’s my wife. That’s supposed to terrify me, but it doesn’t.

Is it so wrong to want to bang your own wife into next week and not want anyone else? Feels pretty damn good to me, but I don’t know if she’d agree.

“The first gift is for Suki, and then you can go crazy and open your stuff, girls.”

I walk over to the big wood cabinet thing the interior designer said would “anchor the entire room”, whatever that means. I stashed a little box in here yesterday and I take it out.

“Carter,” Suki says the moment she sees the little blue box with a white ribbon. “That’s from Tiffany.”

Her tone is warning me like I don’t know where I bought the gift. I wink and pass it to her.

“Just open it, Suki.”

“Who’s Tiffany?” Hallie asks.

“It’s a store,” I say.

“A very expensive store,” Suki says softly.

She slides the ribbon from the box, my blood pressure kicking up a notch. I hope this is a good idea. My gut tells me it is. My sister always told me I’m good at picking out thoughtful gifts.

“Oh, Carter.” Suki looks from the contents of the box to me, her eyes flooded with emotion.

“What is it?” Olivia asks, beaming with excitement.

“It’s the most beautiful necklace I’ve ever seen. It’s a small vine of leaves covered with diamonds.”

“A plant Darling can’t eat,” I explain.

Suki passes the box to Charlotte and the girls all crowd around it. She gets up from her seat on the floor and comes over to me, putting her arms around my neck in a hug.

“Thank you,” she says softly. “I love it so much.”

I hold her close, wishing for more than a hug. I’ve never been great at communicating about feelings. That’s an understatement--I’m shit at it. Actions, though, I’m pretty good at.

“Put it on, Suki,” Charlotte says.

Suki grins and goes over to the girls, Charlotte helping her get the necklace out of the box and put it on. It takes her a couple of minutes to get the clasp fastened, but Olivia doesn’t jump her about it.

Rachel would be proud of her daughters right now. They aren’t thinking about their gifts. They know Suki deserves this moment just for her.

I clear my throat, some sort of cosmic nudge from my sister telling me that sometimes you have to find the words, even when it’s hard.

“Girls, I know I don’t tell you often enough, but I’m proud of you and I love you.”

Hallie runs over and hugs me. “And Suki, too.”

Suki and I lock eyes as I say, “Suki, too.”

---