Page 84 of Vasily the Nail

Day 15

Analiese

I wake upfeeling sad and heavy in a way I can’t explain. The sun is up, shining through the window and casting streaks of gold across the carpet and the bed that I’m alone in.

Vasily never came home last night.

That happened a lot the first week. He’d be up already, possibly gone for the day. And then there was the awful night when I almost died by kiwi. So silly, but we all learned a lesson at least. There have been the nights at Kseniya and Miguel’s, but this is the first morning he hasn’t been here in his own bed with me since the fruit salad incident. I shouldn’t feel sick about this, but I do.

I stay in bed longer than I should, foolishly hoping that he’ll appear, that he just came home after I fell asleep and decided that he should let me sleep unmolested. It’s my last night in this bed, after all. The clock’s ticking. We leave today.

I just don’t know where we’re going. I don’t know if Colorado is reasonable.

And I don’t know where Vasily is.

I’m sure if something had happened, Dima would have woken me up. He wouldn’t have left me here alone. Vasilywouldn’t have liked that, and it’s clear Vasily outranks Dima, and that’s everything.

Unless it’s not Dima here with me. Someone else could be out there waiting for me to wake up, waiting to give me bad news. Terrible news.

I’m going to vomit.

I can stay in bed for longer, hide from it, but it takes all of two more seconds for me to decide that if I don’t find out, I’m going to give myself a heart attack. The moment my feet hit the rug, I’m heading to the door.

It’s Dima sitting in the living room, in his chair, seeming to be staring at the TV although it’s not actually on. He doesn’t look at me, just says, “Pack your bags.”

I taste the bile in my throat, and I have to force myself to say, “Is Vasya okay?”

The corner of his lip tics. Not a frown, not a smile. Just a tic, like the question defies any emotion he can portray. But I refuse to turn back to the room to pack as he’s told me. He doesn’t control me. No one does, not anymore.

Vasily and I are going to be partners. That’s the deal we made. Not with those words, exactly, but I didn’t need the words to know that the only ownership he has over me is the ownership I have over him.

My knee wobbles.

Dima caves and offers me a wry smile. “Is he ever okay? Go on now, he asked me to have you pack your bags and take you to him.”

That sets me at ease. I’m not going to drill Dima further, not when I don’t know how much he knows or what he thinks is happening. He might be trying to figure out what we’re up to, and I don’t want to give him any clues. Perhaps something did happen last night and Vasily couldn’t come back to get me, because he’s already on the run.

Denver. We’ll meet in Denver.

His brother seemed nice when I met him, but I remember my Uncle Enzo being the nicest guy ever, always bringing Tony and me candies and taking us to the park, even took us to Disneyland one time.

Years later, I found out that trip was an alibi for him to be in California at the same time that his best friend was murdered. By him. I never knew what happened there, but I remember him crying the hardest at Uncle Frankie’s funeral and reminiscing about him the most grandly. To this day, I think he killed someone he loved fiercely simply because that man did something that was to the detriment ofla famiglia.

I never thought to ask Vasily how Artyom would respond to us leaving, and even if I did, I don’t know how accurate his response would be. Two weeks ago, I would have never said my brother would sell me for $150,000.

I work fast to pack my bags with stuff I think will be most important to us on the road. I take comfortable clothes I can wear every day, a single outfit that’s just professional enough I think it will work for job interviews at minimum wage places, and my backpack. I have to debate about my computer because I’m not sure if I can be tracked that way, finally deciding that in a couple days, we’ll stop somewhere that I can get a jump drive to back up what I need before selling it.

I pack two small purses, a pair of jeans, and two dresses that I know I can sell for a couple thousand.

Bed linens and towels. Some of Vasily’s clothes in case he didn’t get a chance to pack. His toiletries, too. Dima doesn’t question me when I grab my favorite cookbooks, a cast iron skillet, and a big bag of trail mix from the kitchen. I want to grab that Xbox, but I don’t know if Dima plays it, too.

I walk through Vasily’s bedroom one last time. I didn’t think I’d miss it when I left, not even an hour ago when I started packing, but this room is where I discovered I could live my own life and make my own decisions. Where I found someone who I could live with without feeling I was his lesser.

I love him so much it hurts, and already, my chest aches knowing that we’re leaving this place behind.

Where we’re going? It’s the unknown. It’s terrifying. But we’ll brave it together, and no matter what happens out there, I know I’ll be loved.

I try to keep a straight face, I even try for dour, when I wheel my suitcases out and tell Dima I’m ready to go, but I know my heart is overflowing and there’s no way to hide that.

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