Page 65 of Good Guy Gabe

“You fucked up, you don’t deserve Joss because she would never fuck up the way you fucked up, and what you did is a deal breaker, one hundo, not coming back from, but you don’t care because you need Joss back.”

“Right. So I’m an asshole for trying to get her back.”

“Nah, it’s like that oldie. You know, that song, it’s ancient, back when people still had actual cameras? And it’s the two dudes, and the one got busted for cheating — you didn’t cheat, did you? Because that’s not cool.”

“Of course not.” With a groan, I roll onto my side to look at the idiot.

“Cool, cool. But that song, and the other dude’s likejust fucking lie, fam? You know the song.”

I shake my head. There are no oldies about that.

Evan snaps his finger. “Shaggy! It Wasn’t Me! God, it was so cringe when my parents would listen to that, but if I’m being real? It was a vibe.”

I slide my pinky up to the bridge of my nose. An oldie. I was in elementary school when it came out.

“Gabe, let me be your Shaggy.”

“Fuck.”

Evan gives me the shit-eatingest grin.

“So, that night at the fundraiser? When everyone was being an ass to Joss, including you?”

Evan nods like I didn’t just call him an ass.

“Joss and I were on the way home and ended up hooking up, but we were in my truck, and I didn’t think I had any condoms.”

“Sounds hot.”

“So I told her I had a vasectomy.”

Evan is speechless for a solid three seconds, a miracle for him, and then he says, “Fuck, that’s fucking genius, bro.”

I blink at him several times, daring him to take it back, but he doesn’t.

“Sooooo I was going to tell her the next day, make it right, you know, see if she wanted one of those pills.”

“The laxative-looking ones, yep.”

I almost give up right there, just make something else up or run another five miles to escape him. I’m pretty sure that’s the motivation I need. But Keira is a sane, relatively level-headed, intelligent woman. Somehow, Evan has kept her happy, so he has to know what he’s doing in this one thing.

“And then when I took her to meet my family, she found out I’ve always wanted kids and was lying the whole time, even after finding out the shit you and Keira are pissed at her for.”

“Okay, two things. First, I’veneverbeen pissed at Joss, I wanted to do you a solid, and Keira was looking out for her friends. And second, this is totally fixable. I’m your Shaggy all day.”

This is my worst nightmare.

And then I get pegged in the gut with a football. I curl up, winded all over again, tipping to see Blaise and Merrick standing no more than ten feet away, close enough to have heard that conversation, which means Evan was fully aware of their approach and kept going.

“Come on, ladies,” Merrick says as they both lean down, offering their hands to help us up. “I got a whole bunch of tampons and chocolate inside for you.”

“Boo, misogyny,” Evan grumbles in that whiny way of his. “One day, you’re all gonna be girl dads, and you’re gonna feel really shitty about saying stuff like that.”

Chapter 28

Joss

IT’SJANUARY. It’s freezing outside. Nothing’s rotten, nothing smells bad. The trash strewn across my lawn is mostly from quilting. My biggest concern is Jerry might eat a spool of thread and get an intestinal blockage and have to go to a vet.

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