Page 88 of Guarded from Danger

It won’t be working at the bookstore, although I’ll still go in to visit. And it won’t be spending Saturdays trawling through estate sales by myself like I used to. Solo jogs through my old neighborhood are a thing of the past, replaced by walks around the B and A property or workouts in the gym.

I could be sad about the changes, about the sense of security I’ve lost. But how can I be upset when I’ve gained so much more?

A cozy apartment to call home with the man I love.

Friends who are quickly becoming like family just down the hall.

A place to live where I always feel safe.

Woods to walk in when my anxiety sneaks up on me. And a fence that’s already being built to protect them.

Even a lovable dog as a surrogate pet, until Xavier and I decide if we want one of our own or if—in my heart of hearts, I know what I want—we end up trying for a baby instead.

Oh.

A baby with Xavier.

If it doesn’t happen, if it ends up not being right for us, I’ll still be happy. I’ll be thirty-six soon, which isn’t too old for a baby, but I know some people have trouble once they get to my age. And Xavier hasn’t come out and said it, but I know he’s nervous that he won’t be a good father because of the terrible example his parents set for him.

Which is ridiculous. Xavier would be an incredible dad. Kind. Funny. Protective. And I can only imagine how a little girl would have him wrapped around her little finger. Or how he’d have such fun with a little boy, teaching him sports and games and sharing his love ofJeopardy.

Although, if it doesn’t happen, that’s okay, too. As long as I have Xavier, that’s the most important thing.

“What are you smiling about?”

Xavier glances over at me, his eyes soft with affection, bits of liquid gold and amber picking up the light of the afternoon sun. “Are you looking forward to seeing Kali? It’s been a while since you’ve seen her.”

“It has,” I agree. “And yes. Mostly. Sometimes she can be a bit… Well, she talks about herself a lot. But I’ve known her since high school, so—” I shrug. “I like to stay in touch with her. And she doesn’t have family anymore, so I think she gets lonely sometimes.”

“Well, then it’s good you’re going to see her.” The traffic light changes, and Xavier turns back to the road. As he accelerates, he adds, “I know I’m being overprotective, driving you there, but…”

“It’s okay.” Reaching over, I put my hand on his thigh and give it a little squeeze. “I’m glad you’re bringing me. And picking me up. Maybe in another week or two, I’ll feel okay driving by myself. It’s not the bravest thing?—”

“You areverybrave.” He glances over again, this time with a serious expression. “Everything you’ve done over the last couple of months has been incredibly brave.”

Hmm. I’m not sure about that. There have definitely been a lot of moments I’ve felt the furthest thing from it. But there’s no point in arguing. Instead, I just say, “I was smiling because I was thinking about you.”

In profile, his jaw tightens. He swallows hard. “Ah, gorgeous. You make me smile every day.”

Aww.

I never knew my heart could feel like this before. So full.

As Xavier hits the blinker to turn into Kali’s apartment complex, he glances over at me again. “So, how long do you think you’ll be here?”

“Um, maybe a couple of hours. Although I know that’s probably inconvenient, since you’ll want to go back home, and with the driving…”

“It’s fine, Luce.” He pauses, making a right turn into the parking lot before continuing, “I have some things to do in the city anyway, so I’ll take care of those while I’m waiting for you.”

“Oh. Anything interesting?”

“Well,someonehas a birthday coming up next month.” A little smile quirks his lips. “So I have some shopping to do.”

“Oh, you don’t have to buy me anyth?—”

“Lucy.” Xavier pulls into a parking spot and puts the car in park. In a gently stern voice he says, “There isno wayI’m not buying you presents for your birthday. It’s the first one I get to celebrate with you. You’re getting gifts. Lots of them. End of story.”

“Oh.” And there’s my heart turning to goo again. “Well. Okay.” I flash a quick smile in his direction. “Far be it from me to argue, then.”

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