Page 57 of Guarded from Danger

“Oh, Luce?—”

The guilt in his eyes brings me close to tears.

It’s not his fault. Not any of it.

“It’s not your fault,” I tell him firmly. “It’s not.”

But I don’t think he believes me.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

XAVIER

I really wish Lucy hadn’t insisted on being here.

Since the first meeting she attended shortly after her abduction, she hadn’t brought up going again. She seemed content to hear the updates second hand, and I wasn’t about to complain. Not that I hid anything from Lucy, but it was easier to soften the news when I was telling her at home, taking breaks to comfort her whenever she started to get upset.

If she had asked, I wouldn’t have said no. How could I? It’s Lucy’s life we’re discussing.

But I didn’t want her sitting in the conference room watching videos of other captives we were desperately trying to save. I didn’t want her to hear the details of the young man the police rescued just in time, so emaciated his organs were shutting down and his hand so infected it might have to be amputated. And I definitely didn’t want Lucy to see the sickening comments left by some of the people betting on the game, so cold-hearted and evil I felt nauseous reading them.

Lucy’s been through enough already.

So when she announced she wanted to come to this morning’s meeting, at first I tried to dissuade her. I gentlysuggested that it might be too much on the heels of yesterday’s security breach, and that it might be better if she stayed home and hung out with Sarah and Rambo instead. When she started to dig her heels in, I brought up the nightmares from last night, and how I was afraid this meeting might make them even worse.

“I can handle it,” Lucy replied with a stubborn jut to her chin. “I need to know. The nightmares are going to happen whether I go to the meeting or not.” A tiny wobble shook her voice as she added, “They were on the Blade and Arrow property. Looking forme. I can’t hide my head in the sand, Xavier. It’s time for me to suck it up and hear everything.”

As much as I wanted to argue or outright plead with Lucy to stay home, I couldn’t. Not when I know damn well if I were in her situation, I’d feel the same way.

Does that mean I’m happy about it? No.

While we sit around the conference table waiting for Dante to start the meeting, I keep glancing over at Lucy, carefully assessing.

I don’t like what I see.

The bright light in her eyes has dimmed, replaced by shadows of fear and worry. She’s pale, the only color on her face the bluish smudges beneath her eyes and the thin and trembling line of her mouth. Gone is the laughing, cheerful Lucy of only a few days ago. Now she looks frightened. Anxious. Her Lucy-glow has disappeared.

But as she catches me looking at her, she forces a small smile. Her shoulders set and her posture straightens. She squeezes my hand under the table and whispers, “I’m okay. Really.”

I rub her chilled hand, trying to warm it. “I know.”

She’s not okay, though. How could she be?

After reassuring Lucy over and over that she was safe, she had to face her worst nightmare right on our property. Matt and Dante intercepted the two fuckers—amateurs, like Dante said—well before they got close to Lucy, but that they even managed to breach the fence…

I’m so angry with myself.

What was I thinking, taking Lucy on those walks, knowing the perimeter fence isn’t nearly as secure at the reinforced one around the ranch? I could have brought Lucy to the barn or the garden more often, or we could have walked around the yard, where it’s completely safe.

But they made her happy. And foolishly, I made that my priority, instead of acting like the security specialist I’m supposed to be.

Not that making Lucy happy is foolish. But I should have figured out another way.

Because of my careless decision, Lucy’s nightmares are back with a vengeance, and her fragile sense of security is shattered. She won’t go outside at all now, not even to the barn, and she’s back to jumping at small noises and cringing at shadows.

Fuck. I’m supposed to be protecting Lucy. Not hurting her.

“Xavier.” Lucy leans close, pitching her voice so only I can hear it.

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