Page 34 of Guarded from Danger

Then again, what was one of my biggest regrets when I was in that cabin, not sure if I’d make it out alive?

I wished I’d told him I was falling. I wished he’d known.

Maybe later tonight, then. After the movie, when we’re just snuggling and talking. If it feels like the right moment, I’ll tell him then.

Putting my hands on his shoulders for balance, I stretch up to kiss Xavier on the lips. He kisses me back gently, as he’s done since I got back to B and A, which is nice, but a flare of desire makes me eager to share our more passionate kisses again. But he breaks the kiss first, setting me back to look at me affectionately. “So you like the cat, then?”

“Yes.” I smile at him. “I love it.”

Oblivious to my surging libido, Xavier leads me over to the couch, his eyes bright as he says, “Okay. So we haveThe Holidayfirst, and thenLove Actually. I didn’t think about it being a Christmas movie, but you said it’s one of your favorites. And if this isn’t enough”—he gestures at the virtual buffet of food—“there’s more in the kitchen. I asked Sarah to help, and I picked up takeout at Mariano’s if you’re in the mood for Italian…”

“Xavier.” I snuggle next to him, resting my head on his shoulder. “Everything is perfect.”

And the night only gets better from there.

We stuff ourselves full of junk food and candy, plus some carrot sticks and hummus in a concession to at least eating one thing that’s healthy. I have two pink lemonade seltzers, which makes me the tiniest bit tipsy, while Xavier tries to hide his wince as he drinks a kiwi strawberry one. I tell him it’s okay if he wants a beer, but he insists, saying, “No, it’s Lucy’s Favorites night. I’ll have beer another time.”

As the movie plays, we cuddle and exchange tender kisses, and halfway through, I end up draped across Xavier’s lap, feeling his arousal hard and insistent beneath me. I wiggle my butt a few times, and his jaw clenches as he murmurs, “Watch the movie, Luce.”

I know he’s still being careful with me, afraid I might not be ready for something more intimate. And even a few days ago, I might not have been. But now? I’m craving that connection with him. I want it back.

But just as the credits are rolling and I’m debating making a move, Xavier says quietly, “When you heard me talking to Rhi. She mentioned something that happened to her. I haven’t told you about it yet because… well, I was going to. Eventually. It’s just not something I like talking about.”

Oh. Forget making a move. This is much more important. “You don’t have to talk about it yet if you’re not ready.”

He turns me on his lap so he can meet my gaze. “No. I want to tell you everything. But I’m not sure… you have so much going on. It doesn’t feel right burdening you with my shit. But I also don’t want you to think I’m hiding something from you.”

“I want you to talk to me.” I push that stubborn lock of hair off his forehead. “It’s been all about me lately. And I’m so thankful you’ve been here supporting me. But I want to support you, too.”

Xavier stares at me for a few seconds before replying. “It’s not like that. I mean… I’m okay. It happened years ago, and it wasn’t to me.” A pause. “It was Rhi. She was being harassed by a superior. Sexually. Sometimes physically. It went on for years.”

Rather than say anything, I nod at him to continue.

“We didn’t know,” he continues. “And Rhi, she didn’t want to report it. Being a woman in a role like hers, one of the first female Green Berets, she was under so much scrutiny. People were always trying to prove she couldn’t do the job as well as the men. But she could. Rhi was just as good, better than most of the guys I knew.”

“I can see that,” I murmur. Rhiannon is one of the most kick-butt women I’ve ever met.

“So she hid it from us,” Xavier explains with a scowl. “And it just kept getting worse. Until… she was getting sick from the stress. And the guy—the colonel—was threatening her. Telling her if she didn’t do certain things with him, she’d get in trouble. Be pulled off our team. Lose her job.”

“Xavier. I’m sorry.”

“I should have known. She’s one of my best friends. Fuck, she’s like my sister. And I missed it. Rhi was suffering, being harassed, touched, and I wasn’t there to have her six. I only found out when she finally told the team. The asshole colonel threatened to split us up if she didn’t… performfavorsfor him. Rather than cave to his demands or risk the team, she decided to leave the Army instead.”

I feel horrible for Rhiannon. To have to go through that, to feel trapped, like she had to hide it…

And what she said to Xavier about blaming himself makes more sense. It makes sense why he’s so adamant that what happened to me was his fault.

“It wasn’t your fault,” I say gently. Then I feather a trail of kisses along his jaw. “What happened was awful. But if Rhiannon was determined that no one found out, you’re not psychic. I’m sure she had explanations for everything.”

After a long sigh, Xavier admits, “She did. Whenever she seemed upset, there was always a reason. Family trouble. She was sick. Or it was something depressing she saw on the news. I just… I had no idea.”

“We can’t know everything. It’s impossible. Sometimes—” I swallow hard. “Sometimes bad things just happen. And all we can do is try to stay strong in the aftermath.” Holding his gaze, I add, “We let the people who care about us help, even when it’s hard.”

“Sunshine.” His hands frame my face as he slants his lips across mine. This time, it’s more than just a tender kiss. He nipsand strokes and teases my mouth open with his tongue, dipping inside for a moment before pulling away. “You’re amazing. I don’t know how I got this lucky…”

Andthere. In his eyes. It’s the same intensity of emotion I’m feeling.

I kiss him again, this time taking the lead. Lightly sucking on his lower lip, then biting it gently, just the way I know he likes. Xavier sucks in a sharp breath, and he hardens beneath me. A low groan rumbles in his chest.

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