Page 52 of Guarded from Danger

Of course I said yes. And we’ve been walking in silence ever since.

He’s still the same thoughtful Xavier, holding my hand and guiding me around obstacles and lifting me over the narrow stream that leads to the pond. But he’s only half with me. The other half is somewhere deep in thought, struggling with whatever the phone call brought.

Could it have been one of his old teammates calling with bad news? Knowing how dangerous Xavier’s job was, it’s a distinct possibility that one of his fellow Green Berets was injured or killed overseas.

Did it have something to do with his family? He doesn’t keep in touch with them, hasn’t for years, but what if something happened to one of them?

I’m torn between asking and waiting for Xavier to tell me.

If he’s still working everything out in his head, I want to give him that time. But if he’s holding it inside because he doesn’t want to burden me with his pain…

Spotting the pond up ahead, I tighten my grip on Xavier’s hand and tug him towards it. He glances at me questioningly, finally breaking his self-imposed silence to ask, “Is everything okay?”

“Yes.” Mostly. “I just… I’d like to sit on the dock for a few minutes.”

Less than a minute later, we’re sitting at the end of the small dock, our feet dangling over the water. A dragonfly skims the surface, leaving tiny ripples behind. A squirrel darts across the grass and over to the edge of the pond, dipping its head to sip from it.

Out here, everything feels lighter. My fears. My anxiety. The worry that I’ll never be able to write again.

Hopefully, it helps Xavier, too.

He’s still quiet, just staring out across the pond, a tiny muscle in his jaw working.

“Xavier.” As he turns to me, I take a deep breath before continuing. “You don’t have to tell me. But… I can tell you’re upset. So if you want to talk… I’m here.”

For a few seconds, he just looks back at me. Then he squeezes my hand and says, “I’m sorry, Luce. The way I’ve been acting—” He sighs heavily. “It wasn’t fair to you.”

“It’s fine. I’m just worried.”

“Still. You have enough things to worry about. And I’m just?—”

“No.” It’s gently stern. “You can talk to me about anything. I know you’ve been trying to protect me, and I love you for it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t talk about things that are bothering you. We’re a team. I want to be here for you, too.”

His mouth presses into an unhappy line, tiny lines of strain bracketing it. He sighs again. “You’re right. But it’s hard. I do want to protect you. And there are things… I don’t like talking about them.”

My heart squeezes. “You don’t have to. But I’ve learned it helps. Even when I hate saying the words, it feels better once they’re out.”

One corner of his lips tugs up. “That sounds pretty smart.”

“Well.” I give him a little smile. “I’m pretty smart, you know.”

Softening, he replies, “You are, Luce. You’re the smartest person I know.” Sliding closer to me, he slips his arm around my waist, tugging me into his side. “It was my mother who called. I haven’t spoken to her in over ten years.”

“What did she want?”

“Money. That’s the only reason she ever calls.” After a pause, he adds, “She claimed she needed it for rehab. Ten thousand dollars.”

Inwardly, I wince. Ten thousand dollars might not be much to my parents, but it’s a lot to most other people. And while I know Xavier is comfortable financially, that could be too big of an ask. But do I offer?

Quietly, I ask, “Do you need?—”

“I have the money.” Xavier’s eyes are sad. “It’s not that. I might not be on the level of your parents, but I saved a lot while I served. Plus hazard pay, and now I don’t really have living expenses, living at B and A. I could give it to her. But I won’t.”

Frowning, he continues, “I used to offer to send her to rehab. All the time. As soon as I could. And in the beginning, she talked a good story about how she wanted to go. How she’d get better. Be better.”

Not wanting to interrupt, I just nod for him to continue.

“I spent over thirty K on her supposed rehabs,” Xavier says, bitterness lacing his tone. “Even checked them out, spoke to the doctors, all of it. The first two times, she backed out and kept the money. I should have learned by then. But I didn’t.”

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