Page 90 of GAF Factor

“Food’s here,” Jane hissed.

We all stopped talking, waiting patiently as the waitress set down all the plates in front of us, looking at us awkwardly as we sat silently. “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

“No, thank you,” I smiled.

Once she was gone, I looked at the food and grimaced. Shoving any of this in my mouth didn’t sound even the slightest bit appealing.

“Eat,” IKE commanded.

I picked up my fork and took a small bite of hash browns. My stomach revolted for a second before accepting the offering, but I was cautious with every bite I took. This was not going to be a good trip.

“Any chance we can postpone our trip another day?” I smiled weakly.

IRIS and IKE traded some kind of look that set me on edge.

“Is this about last night?”

“When the Irish attacked last night, that was just a scouting party to see who would show up,” IKE explained. “When they don’t check in, the rest will come for us. They want Shawn, and if that means going after us to get to him, that’s what they’ll do. We need to put as much distance between us and them as possible.”

“Right,” I sighed.

“It could be worse,” IRIS grinned, shoving another forkful of eggs in his mouth. “You could have that nice police chief coming after you again. Or the senator,” he snorted. “He’s a real piece of work. I heard he dropped the story about you and Kavanaugh to force his hand and make him come back to work. Yep, he made you look like a home wrecker and—ow!” He grimaced, looking over at Jane. “What did you elbow me for?”

Her eyes shot over to mine in a knowing gesture, which I found all too funny. I already knew what the senator had done, and he wasn’t worth my time, so I wasn’t going to get all worked up over IRIS pointing out the obvious.

But it was funny to watch IRIS step in it.

“Oh.Oh! Um…Not that you were a home wrecker. That story was completely fake. Totally fake. I’m not even sure why the press ran with that. In fact, I’m not even sure that was a picture of you in the paper. It was probably one of those pictures where they take a picture of someone else who looks like you and then they say it’s you, but it’s not you. They do it all the time with celebrities. So, if you look on the bright side, you’re like a celebrity.” His brows furrowed. “Infamous celebrity. You’re like Napoleon. Not that Napoleon wasn’t cool. I mean, the man was a tyrant and he was only like 5’ 2”. So…that’s something.”

I watched with fascination as IRIS tried to get himself out of the hole he dug for himself. It was quite interesting. I couldn’t even remember what the original comment was that he had made. I was too enraptured by his comparison with me to Napoleon.

“I think I’m taller than Napoleon.”

“Oh, you totally are. That was a bad example. Maybe Hitler would have been better. He was taller. Not that you would kill millions of people. That would be sick and twisted. But…” He scratched the back of his neck. “Stalin.” He swallowed hard. “Santa Claus?”

“Santa Claus does get a bad rap,” I agreed.

“Right? Like, he’s this totally cool guy, but everyone assumes that he’s just a fat guy who likes to eat cookies and drink milk.” He snorted loudly at that. “Everyone knows Santa is lactose intolerant.”

I nodded with a grin. “Of course.”

“Anyway, I’m glad we cleared that up. I kind of felt like an idiot there for a minute.”

IKE leaned forward on the table, cocking his head at IRIS. “Just a minute?”

22

IKE

“Santa is lactose intolerant?”I said, shoving the magazine into the gun.

“What? He is.” IRIS snapped.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Do you want a list?”

“What I want is to get through tonight with zero fuckups. Do you got that?”

---